ROSIE JONES: AM I A R*TARD? | EXTRAORDINARY PORTRAITS | EARTH

This article was originally published in The Courier on 15th July 2023.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Rosie Jones: Am I a R*tard? – Thursday, Channel 4, 10pm

This vital documentary has attracted some controversy due to its blunt title, but as comedian Rosie Jones articulates at the start, “I understand that it will be upsetting to many, but I believe that we need to confront this word and other ableist terms head-on for people to realise how damaging it is.” 

Jones, who has cerebral palsy, hopes that her commendably frank and angry essay will make utter scumbags think twice about ever using ableist language again. 

Like so many people with disabilities, she’s targeted with horrific online abuse on a daily basis. Human beings can be so unfathomably cruel.

Jones exposes how useless Twitter is when it comes to dealing with violations of their supposed rules of conduct, while attempting to understand the damaged psychology of internet trolls.

Extraordinary Portraits – Monday, BBC One, 8:30pm

To mark the 75^th anniversary of our beloved NHS, art-lover Bill Bailey hosts this series in which NHS workers are paired with some of the UK’s most celebrated portrait artists. 

As Bailey explains in his introduction, it’s a project designed to “represent the best of modern Britain.” And God only knows, we could do with a good faith depiction of that right now. It encourages creativity and decency, the absolute antithesis of the dismal daily reports we receive about the worst of humanity. 

Anyway. In episode one, sculptor Nick Elphick meets trauma surgeon Martin. An inspirational person, Martin’s many selfless achievements can’t easily be encapsulated in a single work of art. Elphick, however, possesses the talent to do just that.

Earth – Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

Behold the unassuming might of Chris Packham, who orchestrates this ambitious new series about the four and half billion year story of Earth. You will be awed. 

It begins with Packham exploring the evolutionary rise of the dinosaurs, which gradually occurred in the wake of one of our planet’s most utterly devastating mass extinctions. 

Life finds a way? Well yes, broadly speaking it does, but Packham’s essay is a cautionary tale about how rapid climate change can cause entire ecosystems to collapse. Nothing lasts forever. 

It’s an absolutely fascinating series, a hugely impressive achievement. I find it difficult to defend the BBC at times, a maddening corporation that’s its own worst enemy, but you really will miss it when it’s gone.

Is Cricket Racist? – Tuesday, Channel 4, 11:05pm

Three years ago, the Asian-British cricketer Azeem Rafiq went public about the racism he was subjected to while playing for Yorkshire County Cricket Club. Broadcaster Adil Ray has been following the scandal since it broke. 

In this programme, he meets with players such as former Pakistan cricket captain Imran Khan, who expounds upon the racism he experienced while playing in England. 

Ray also interviews current England player Moeen Ali, who received a tweet from Ashes-winning captain Michael Vaughan suggesting that Ali should hunt down terrorists. Yes, really. Ali has a message for Vaughan. 

Preview copies weren’t available, but this sounds like an utterly damning report about elitism, bullying and flat-out racist abuse.

Who Do You Think You Are? – Thursday, BBC One, 9pm

Our latest gene hunter is the comedian Chris Ramsey, who begins the episode by digging into the history of his great grandfather. 

Dryden Gordon Young fought in WWI. He served on the frontline at Gallipoli, and was later captured as a prisoner of war. Despite these harrowing travails, Dryden survived and continued the family line. 

Ramsey goes on to discover that his family tree is full of brave and determined people who struggled with adversity. 

I will never not be staggered by the hitherto incurious nature of celebs who sign up for this show. You haven’t asked mum what grandad was like? His experiences during the war? People are strange, the only sensible thing Jim Morrison ever said.

The Supervet – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

The latest series of Professor Noel Fitzpatrick’s uplifting pet-fest opens with a Very Special Episode devoted to puppies. 

As you’re presumably aware, Fitzpatrick runs a veterinary surgery in rural Surrey. He has the reassuring bedside manner of James Herriot and Hawkeye from M*A*S*H. Their paws are safe in the expert hands of pioneering Professor F. 

Yes, fans of the show will be familiar with some of the cases revisited here, as it’s basically a compilation of highlights from previous episodes, but resistance is futile. 

Our adorable patients include a Collie with complex genetic bone issues, and a Weimaraner who’s been hit by a van. Don’t worry, the Supervet ensures that everything turns out happily in the end. 

Our Lives – Friday, BBC One, 7:30pm

Mei’s life hasn’t been easy. She’s 20. Most of her teenage years were spent in care. She’s struggled with anxiety, an eating disorder and self-harm. 

In this typically sensitive and uplifting Our Lives documentary, we follow Mei as she befriends an assistance dog in training by the name of Koda. Before meeting this gorgeous golden retriever, Mei was too scared to leave her home. Now they’re venturing outside. A mutually supportive life together. 

Mei is a lovely person. Dog pal Koda is a splendid girl. You will, I’m sure, be just as moved as I was by this touching meditation on the incalculably therapeutic value of spending time with a pet you love, and who loves you in return.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Sitting on a Fortune – Sunday 9th July, STV

All people of sound mind have a soft spot for Gary Lineker. A great footballer, an affable safe-pair-of-hands broadcaster, and a thoroughly decent person. But even saints have feet of clay. 

Lineker hosts this quiz show with his usual professional ease, but it’s just a generic shiny-floored general knowledge quiz which – like most modern TV quizzes – is padded out to fill a 60-minute timeslot. 

The honourable exception of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? aside, no quiz can sustain tension and entertainment value over the space of an hour. 

Brucie knew the score: quick bit of banter with the contestants then get on with the game – all in the space of a tight half hour.

A Year on Planet Earth – Sunday 9th July, STV

National Treasure ™ Stephen Fry hosts this panoramic exploration of how seasonal change impacts all life on Earth. Naturally it began in winter. 

Fry travelled to the Arctic Circle to observe, from a very safe distance, a polar bear and her cub dealing with incredibly harsh conditions. Meanwhile, in the southern hemisphere, a vast raft of King Penguins basked in the sun. 

It was, as you’d expect, beautifully shot and occasionally quite arresting: a benignly ersatz version of Attenborough and his natural successor, the aforementioned Chris Packham. 

And that, folks, after ten years in the saddle, is my final word on TV for this particular publication. I hope you enjoyed the show, and remember - please don’t have nightmares.

A SPECIAL SCHOOL | THE WOMEN WHO CHANGED MODERN SCOTLAND | THE GOLD

This article was originally published in The Courier on 18th February 2023.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

A Special School – Monday, BBC Two, 7pm

Penarth’s Ysgol y Deri is Britain’s biggest special education school. It remained open during the pandemic to provide support for the children of key workers. 

In series two of this uplifting documentary, staff and pupils are preparing for their annual Christmas pantomime. They’re also about to enjoy the first school trip since 2019. 

This isn’t merely a job for the staff, they’re devoted to the welfare and development of the children placed in their care. The headmaster, an abundantly kind and decent man, is even moved to tears at one point. 

One of his colleagues sums up their commendable mission statement: “School is very structured, a safe place, but we want them to take those skills into the real world.”

Inside Our Autistic Minds – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

In the second and final episode of this sensitive series, Chris Packham meets more people who are, like him, on the autism spectrum. 

His interviewees this week are an aspiring teenage rapper, and a teaching assistant who moonlights as a trance DJ. They both love music, but that passion triggers a certain set of problems. 

Packham assists them in the making of personal short films designed to educate their classmates, colleagues and us. This is how they see and hear the world. It’s a touching, candid exercise. 

Packham also spends some time with an expert in autistic hypersensitivity, and a doctor who helps our host to understand his own need for precise daily order.

The Dangerous Rise of Andrew Tate – Tuesday, BBC Three, 10pm

Andrew Tate is a vile misogynist influencer who commands a legion of radicalised male followers. A fascistic cult. 

Two months ago, in his adopted home of Romania, he was arrested on suspicion of human trafficking. This disturbing documentary follows journalist Matt Shea as he gains highly restricted access to Tate’s Romanian compound. 

Tate has zero self-awareness, so he presumably regarded this venture as yet another piece of cleverly controlled self-promotion. Shea, in his quietly Theroux-esque way, encourages Tate to dig an even deeper hole for himself. 

Most importantly of all, we hear from some of the traumatised women who allege abuse by this toxic grifter. Tate’s empire may be crumbling, but what he represents is still frighteningly prevalent.

The Women Who Changed Modern Scotland – Tuesday, BBC Scotland, 10pm

This fascinating series celebrates many of the great Scottish women who, over the last 50 years, have challenged the patriarchy. 

It’s a valuable social document in which our empathetic host Kirsty Wark traces an ongoing battle for equal rights. 

Her odyssey begins in the 1960s, when female footballers weren’t allowed to compete officially. 

From there we progress towards the pioneering efforts of some heroic feminist politicians, a group of slyly empowering journalists who worked on teen mag Jackie during its 1970s heyday, and the origins of Scottish Women’s Aid, a vitally important charitable organisation devoted to the prevention of domestic abuse. 

Societal attitudes have improved, at least to an extent. Wark and co explain why that shift had to happen.

Untold: Help! My Home is Disgusting – Tuesday, Channel 4, 11:05pm

When Kwajo Tweneboa shared the nightmarish details of his social housing situation online – imagine a miasma of cockroaches, mice, mould and overflowing toilets – he was inundated with responses from people struggling in similarly unacceptable environments. So much so, he is now a high-profile social housing campaigner. 

In this documentary, Tweneboa visits people living in various states of utter despair. Whenever they confront their landlords, they are ignored. Pay your rent, or get out. 

Tweneboa’s report highlights the direct correlation between dismal living conditions and the exacerbation of severe mental health issues. He also exposes the sheer number of complaints aimed against some of the biggest housing associations.

The Supervet: Safari Special – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

Professor Neil Fitzpatrick, the Supervet himself, is one of television’s most benign and genuinely helpful resident experts. Should your domestic animal friends ever find themselves in times of trouble, Fitzpatrick is the softly-spoken physician you’d want by their side. 

In this Very Special Episode of his long-running vehicle, he ventures off to South Africa.

Fitzpatrick is renowned for his neurosurgical and orthopaedic innovations, he’s improved the lives of countless small animals, but he’s never dealt with anything on this particular scale before. 

While working and learning alongside a dedicated South African team who deal with big cats etc. on a daily basis, he emphasises the importance of protecting these magnificent creatures.

Life and War: Ukraine A Year On – Thursday, STV, 9pm

ITV's Global Security Editor Rohit Kachroo has witnessed the invasion of Ukraine first–hand. In this report, he interviews civilians, medics and soldiers, all of them fighting desperately for survival. 

When Russia invaded Ukraine, the country mobilised to defend itself. It was not, as Putin presumably expected, immediately overcome. Millions fled the country, but many more stayed to face their invaders. 

Preview copies of this programme weren’t available, so I’m obviously not qualified to comment upon its specific contents. But I don’t need to stress why I’m bringing it to your attention. 

ITV, self-evident faults and all, is rightfully renowned for its occasional sober detours into investigative journalism.

LAST WEEK’S TV

The Gold – Sunday 12th February, BBC One

A six-part dramatisation of the Brink’s-Mat robbery, that notorious 1983 heist in which a criminal gang stole a stack of gold bullion worth £26 billion, The Gold is presented neither as a celebration nor outright condemnation. 

Written by Neil Forsyth of Bob Servant and Guilty renown, it’s a nuanced piece about some desperate men struggling under the yoke of Thatcherism. Forsyth doesn’t ask us to sympathise with them unequivocally, but he places their actions in thoughtful socio-political context. 

It’s a fascinating saga, recounted with Forsyth’s usual wit and flair. Also, hats off to the production team for capturing the uniquely overcast aesthetic of early 1980s television dramas shot on film. 

Better – Monday 13th February, BBC One

Would a corrupt cop and an organised crime boss really conduct their clandestine affairs with such wantonly face-to-face abandon? That’s what I found myself dwelling upon after episode one of this watchable, if not entirely plausible, thriller. 

DCI Slack (Leila Farzad) and Col McHugh (Andrew Buchan) are indebted to each other. They’ve been in cahoots for years, but a series of unfortunate events places their relationship in jeopardy. 

Better demands that we suspend a considerable amount of disbelief, which isn’t a great starting point for any drama. It may, however, develop into a serviceable potboiler. 

Farzad and Buchan are solid, and the script is etched in pleasingly sardonic shades of the recently departed Happy Valley. 

HAPPY VALLEY | WHEN MOTOWN CAME TO BRITAIN | STONEHOUSE

This article was originally published in The Courier on 31st December 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Happy Valley – New Year’s Day, BBC One, 9pm

Rightly regarded as one of the greatest British TV dramas of the last ten years, Sally Wainwright’s gripping magnum opus returns for its third and final series this week.

When series two concluded in 2016, that appeared to be the end of the line. However, Wainwright always had one more chapter in mind. 

Preview copies weren’t available, but here’s the gist: while investigating a local gangland murder, Sergeant Catherine Cawood (Sarah Lancashire) unravels a chain of events which lead her back to imprisoned murderer Tommy Lee Royce (James Norton). 

Happy Valley is so much more than a mere cop show, it resonates on a deeper level. It’s a major piece of work, a classic for the ages.

Stephen Sondheim’s Old Friends – Hogmanay, BBC Two, 5:35pm

Stephen Sondheim, who passed away towards the end of 2021, was one of Broadway theatre’s greatest ever composers and lyricists. His hits include West Side Story, Sweeney Todd and Into the Woods. 

Earlier this year, West End impresario Cameron Mackintosh produced an all-star tribute to the great man, the proceeds of which went to the Stephen Sondheim Foundation, a recently formed initiative for young writers. 

Spectacularly staged by a team of renowned choreographers including Matthew Bourne, the show practically heaves with talent: Michael Ball, Helena Bonham Carter, Rob Brydon, Petula Clark, Judi Dench, Damian Lewis and many more all share the spotlight. 

This is fabulous showbiz incarnate, folks, a real end-of-year treat.

Jools’ Annual Hootenanny – Hogmanay, BBC Two, 11:30pm

Jools Holland’s New Year’s Eve bash was, for obvious reasons, a more stripped-down affair in 2020 and 2021, but it’s back in full studio-packed swing this year. 

His guests are Cat Burns, George Ezra, Andy Fairweather Low, Fine Young Cannibals, Gabrielle, Ruby Turner, 1970s British soul group The Real Thing, and Mercury Prize nominee Self Esteem. And at the stroke of midnight, raise a glass in the general direction of the Pipes & Drums of the 1^st Battalion Scot Guards. 

Jools’ Hootenanny is a comforting thing, it exists only to ease us gently into another year, a year in which we’ll hopefully benefit from at least some good fortune. Enjoy yourselves, it’s later than you think.

When Motown Came to Britain – New Year’s Day, BBC Two, 10pm

It’s easy to forget that the first-wave legends of Motown were initially regarded as cult artists in Britain. Sure, they had occasional hits, but the average UK pop fan was generally more familiar with beat group cover versions than the sainted R&B originals. 

This charming documentary digs deep into Motown’s first package tour of Britain in 1965, when a relatively small group of multi-racial soul obsessives preached the gospel on behalf of their heroes. 

Your contributors include Claudette Robinson from The Miracles, Otis Williams from The Temptations and Ready Steady Go! producer Vicki Wickham. It also serves as a tribute to selfless soul proselytiser Dave Godin, an unsung hero in the grand scheme of things.

Stonehouse – Monday to Wednesday, STV, 9pm

In November 1974, the prominent Labour MP John Stonehouse attempted to fake his own death. A real life Reginald Perrin, except Reggie was far more sympathetic than this utter clown. 

Stonehouse, which stars that gifted comic actor Matthew Macfadyen, is presented as a sly farce about a pathetic, philandering opportunist and serial liar who grasped at every opportunity to satiate his selfish needs. Remind you of anyone? 

Stonehouse eagerly worked for the Czech secret police, not out of any moral imperative with regards to far-left politics, but because they paid him handsomely (despite being a terrible spy). He ended up mired in debt, hence his desperate hoax. 

This unforgiving and grimly entertaining satire is all the man deserves.

2022: The Year from Space – Tuesday, Channel 4, 7:30pm

The immense tumult of 2022 is surveyed in this ambitious 90-minute documentary, which feeds upon all-seeing satellite footage. It captures numerous stories of joy and terror, life’s rich pageant in all its contrasting shades. 

So, while we’re treated to feel-good images of, for example, hitherto undiscovered penguin colonies, we’re also confronted with terrifying evidence of our climate change catastrophe. The war in Ukraine looms large throughout; there are scenes of terrible destruction. 

I haven’t seen the programme, it didn’t turn up in time for my deadline, but the synopsis I’m working from makes it sound like the sad musings of a remote non-interventionist deity trying to make sense of an experiment gone drastically wrong.

The Light in the Hall – Wednesday and Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

Joanna Scanlan stars in this new six-part drama about the tormented mother of a teenage girl who was murdered 18 years ago. 

One day she receives some news that she’s been dreading: the killer (Iwan Rheon) is being released on parole. He confessed to his crime, but claims – apparently in all sincerity – to have no memory of where he left the victim’s body. She’s never been found. 

Meanwhile, a journalist (Alexandra Roach) and erstwhile family friend mulls over whether she can in all good conscience cover this traumatic story. 

A ruminative study of grief, redemption and journalistic ethics, The Light in the Hall is intriguing. It’s also, by pure coincidence, a tangential thematic companion piece to Happy Valley. 

LAST WEEK’S TV

The Smeds and The Smoos – Christmas Day, BBC One

The latest animated Christmas missive from beloved children’s storytellers Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler was a lovely little rhyming parable about tolerance, kindness and the utter insanity of all forms of prejudice. 

Set on a far-off alien planet awkwardly cohabited by the red Smeds and the blue Smoos, it delivered its humane message in a sweet, funny and gently profound way. 

The Smeds and the Smoos disliked and mistrusted each other, despite not really knowing why. That was just the unquestioned way of their world. Thankfully, a star-crossed Romeo and Juliet-esque entanglement taught them all a valuable lesson, a lesson that children will hopefully absorb and put into practice throughout the rest of their lives.

Dogs in the Wild: Meet the Family – Wednesday December 28, BBC One

This irresistible series narrated by Chris Packham celebrates all 37 species of wild canid. Wolves, foxes, jackals and dogs, they all receive their due. It’s basically three hours of stunningly beautiful creatures going about their daily business. What more could you ask for at this forbidding time of year? 

It began in Tibet, before jetting off to the Sahara and South America. Somewhere, where e’er he may be, David Attenborough nodded approvingly. His legacy is in safe hands. The BBC, for as long as it’s allowed to exist, will continue to make great programmes of this nature. No pun intended. 

Happy New Year, fellow TV enthusiasts. Give your canid a hug from me.

MY OLD SCHOOL | INSIDE NO. 9 | TWO DOORS DOWN

This article was originally published in The Courier on 17th December 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

My Old School ‐ Friday, BBC Scotland, 9pm

In 1994, a Canadian by the name of Brandon Lee enrolled as a fifth-year student at Bearsden Academy. A year later, he was exposed as former student Brian MacKinnon, a Scotsman in his early thirties. 

This idiosyncratic documentary unpicks a saga that’s bizarre, funny, sad and unsettling in roughly equal measure. 

It’s directed by MacKinnon’s former classmate Jono McLeod, who secured an interview with the notorious imposter. However, MacKinnon declined to appear on camera, so his voice is uncannily lip-synced by actor Alan Cumming. That adds another peculiar layer to proceedings. 

A complex character, to say the least, MacKinnon comes across as a deluded narcissist who appears to be blind to the ethical transgressions of his subterfuge. You can never go back.

Lionesses: Champions of Europe ‐ Thursday, BBC One, 12:10am

You don’t have to be a football fan to agree that one of the very few uplifting moments of 2022 was when England triumphed at the European Women's Football Championship tournament. This documentary relives that victory through the eyes of key players such as team captain Leah Williamson and incumbent I’m a Celebrity… winner Jill Scott. 

This was a major breakthrough moment for women’s football, and female athletes in general. That squad actually inspired people, they briefly took our minds off the awful state of affairs in our benighted country, and you can absolutely guarantee that young athletes from all around Britain will follow in their pioneering stead. 

Clichés be damned, they’re heroes.

Inside No. 9 ‐ Thursday, BBC Two, 9pm

Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith return for another festive edition of their estimable anthology series. 

It’s Christmas Eve, and a pompous doctor played by Pemberton is settling down for a night of contemplation and solitude in a village church. His reverie is abruptly interrupted by a couple played by Shearsmith and former Coronation Street actor Shobna Gulati, who have also booked an overnight stay courtesy of the eccentric church warden (Simon Callow giving it, quite wonderfully, some full-on Simon Callow). 

It may be no match for their unforgettable ‘70s TV pastiche The Devil of Christmas, which is one of my favourite No. 9’s, but it’s still a fun little ghost story involving ancient holy relics and charcoal rubbings.

The Cleaner ‐ Friday, BBC One, 9pm

Tonight’s festive triple-bill of sitcoms on BBC One begins with Greg Davies back in disgruntled action as crime scene cleaner Wicky. 

It’s Christmas Day, and he’s looking forward to winning a raffle. The prize? A horse. Inevitably, Wicky’s equine hopes and dreams are thwarted by the sudden demands of his tiresome vocation. He’s called to yet another blood-spattered crime scene, this time in an ice cream parlour. 

The Cleaner is based on a German series, but it’s so perfectly suited to Davies’ daft, lugubrious comic persona and his trademark penchant for absurdly escalating farce, you’d be forgiven for assuming that he devised the whole thing for himself.

Motherland ‐ Friday, BBC One, 9:30pm

It’s hardly surprising that Motherland, a big critical darling for BBC Two in the last few years, has finally crossed over to BBC One. That, I suspect, is where it’ll stay from now on. 

The premise, in case you’re unaware: a group of middle-class London mums deal with every maddening thing their lifestyle entails. Yes, I know, that sounds unbearably smug and bland, but Motherland practically goes out of its way to avoid trite sentiment. This is a dry-witted endeavour, borne of honest semiautobiographical experience. Your estimable writers include Sharon Horgan and Holly Walsh. 

Simmering Christmas chaos ensues this week, in a full house hosted by the understandably tired and cynical protagonist, Julia (Anna Maxwell Martin).

Two Doors Down ‐ Friday, BBC One, 10pm

A radical break from the usual format, this delightful Christmas special is set, not within the suburban neighbours’ homes, but in a cosy Glasgow coffee shop. 

Beth, Eric and Christine are doing their Christmas shopping, so decide to take a load off their feet. Most of the regular cast turn up too. 

Two Doors Down doesn’t usually lean into pathos, it’s not that sort of show, but it’s beautifully handled here. We all know that Christine (the great Elaine C. Smith) is lonely, that’s been a more or less unspoken theme throughout the series. Well, you may find that you have something in your eye as the closing credits roll. 

As always, the writing and performances ring abundantly true.

A Ghost Story for Christmas: Count Magnus ‐ Friday, BBC Two, 10pm

Mark Gatiss is steeped in horror fiction. He’s a devotee, an aficionado. So why are his Christmas adaptations of M.R. James’ ghost stories always so underwhelming? 

The sad truth is that Gatiss, for all his evident enthusiasm, doesn’t know how to direct a properly spooky yarn. Unlike the classic BBC adaptations he grew up on, they’re fatally lacking in pace and atmosphere. They don’t unnerve at all. 

I take no pleasure in saying this, as I like Gatiss, but his best work can be found elsewhere. 

This one stars that fine actor Jason Watkins as an overly inquisitive British aristocrat and self-styled scholar who becomes obsessed with the long dead founder of a Swedish dynasty. It amounts to very little.

LAST WEEK’S TV

The Savoy at Christmas ‐ Monday 12th December, STV

Cost of living crisis? What cost of living crisis?! Last week, our friends at ITV took the temperature of the nation and decided that what we really need is this: a jocular account of filthy rich people enjoying Christmas at one of planet Earth’s most luxurious hotels. 

“We’re installing the world’s first immersive champagne forest!” gushed ‘experiential architect’, Meredith. “Crazy!” Those decorations, which no one will really take any notice of, cost a quarter of a million pounds. 

The staff of the Savoy seem perfectly pleasant, they’re just trying to make a living like the rest of us. There you go, I somehow managed to end this review on a positive note. It is Christmas after all.

A Countryside Winter ‐ Friday 16th December, BBC One

A little fireside bundle of inoffensive nothingness, this series could easily be mistaken for a parody of cosy BBC programming: everything is fine, please don’t be alarmed. 

In episode one, Chris Packham expressed his fascination with frost. Packham is a fine and knowledgeable broadcaster, a safe pair of mittens, so of course I went along with his bijou essay. When Packham speaks, I listen. That man could start a benign woodland cult if the thought ever crossed his mind. 

Meanwhile, that nice Mary Berry rustled up a tasty-looking potato and lentil jumble. 

I daresay some other things happened during this half hour programme, but after about fifteen minutes I sank into a sort of fugue state.

 

CHRIS PACKHAM: THE WALK THAT MADE ME + HARRY BIRRELL PRESENTS FILMS of SCOTLAND + BAPTISTE

This article was originally published in The Courier on 24th July 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Chris Packham: The Walk That Made Me – Wednesday, BBC Two, 8pm

The affable naturalist deserves plaudits for making this immersive programme about mental health. It’s a beautiful piece of television. 

Filmed by Packham using a hand-held 360 degree camera, it follows him as he revisits his favourite childhood walk through the gorgeous Hampshire countryside. There is no music telling us how to feel: the soothing soundtrack is almost entirely composed of Packham’s voice, a babbling river and birdsong. 

Occasionally he bumps into people along the way, but for the most part this is an introspective journey during which Packham talks eloquently about his Asperger’s and struggles with depression. He knows how difficult it is to summon up the energy to commune with nature when you feel bereft of hope, but his advice is tender and wise.

The Bhangra Boss – The Story of DJ Vips – Monday, BBC Scotland, 10:30pm

The Edinburgh-based bhangra DJ Vipen Kumar passed away in 2019. A cult hero with an impressive legacy, he’s given his due in this enlightening documentary. 

Kumar emigrated from India with his family when he was a child. He later went on to open an Asian music shop in Edinburgh, before becoming an in-demand wedding DJ who instinctively knew how to work a crowd. A dedicated entrepreneur with a fervent passion for music, he also promoted live events and started his own successful record label, via which he nurtured emerging bhangra talent throughout the UK. 

A modest visionary, Kumar comes across as a friendly soul who was liked and respected by everyone he met. A good man.  

Harry Birrell Presents Films of Scotland – Tuesday, BBC Scotland, 10pm

Paisley schoolboy Harry Birrell was gifted with a cine-camera in 1929. For the rest of his life, it rarely left his side. This fascinating series delves into the man’s vast archive of life in Scotland during the 20^th century. 

Birrell’s footage is so evocative, it’s like travelling back in time. His films are populated by ordinary people enjoying themselves; they aren’t transluscent ghosts from the past, they’re tangible human beings. 

And Birrell was no mere amateur. As the programme makes abundantly clear, he was an unschooled artisan with an innate understanding of how to compose visual narratives. Highlights in episode one include the construction of the Forth Rail Bridge and a visit to the inaugural Edinburgh Festival.

India’s Rape Scandal – Tuesday, Channel 4, 10pm

In India, a woman reports a rape every fifteen minutes. But it is estimated that over 90% of attacks are never reported at all. This disturbing report from C4’s Dispatches team highlights the growing national outcry surrounding a vile network of politicians and their powerful allies who are silencing women they have raped. 

These high-profile men regard themselves as above the law, and employ a regime of intimidation, violence and murder to enforce cover-ups. 

This is a family newspaper, so it would be inappropriate of me to quote some of the horrific details contained within the programme. All I can do is respectfully guide you towards an important and deeply angering expose of institutionalised corruption and abuse.

Yorkshire Firefighters – Thursday, BBC Two, 8pm

This solid frontline series follows the firefighters responsible for protecting over 2 million people in West Yorkshire. 

Filmed under Covid conditions, these men and women continue to do their difficult job during a particularly anxious time for everyone. As one of them says: “I think in terms of your mental health… getting out there and actually being able to fulfil your role as you’ve always done, it’s been massive for us really.” 

It begins on the 5^th of November, which is always one of their busiest nights of the year. The absence of organised firework displays triggers more opportunities for antisocial public behaviour. The team must also deal with a raging fire in a former go-kart track.

A Year in the Beacons – Thursday, STV, 8:30pm

The Brecon Beacons National Park in Wales is a hive of activity. This undemanding series spotlights some of its residents as they adapt to seasonal changes. 

Against an epic backdrop of mountainous vistas, we meet characters such as Harry Legge-Bourke, a textbook toff and full time custodian of the Glanusk Estate. An ex-military officer and former pageboy to the Queen, Harry is a keen traditionalist on a constant stressful mission to keep the estate afloat. 

His galumphing lifestyle is contrasted with that of the Phillips family, who have been farming in this area for five generations. They’re nice people. We also spend time with the local mountain rescue team, who are often called out to assist unwary (some might say foolhardy) tourists. 

No Body Recovered – Thursday, STV, 9pm

Early last year, Michael O’Leary from West Wales went missing. A middle-aged family man, his disappearance made no sense. 

The last text he apparently sent to his loved ones read: “I’m so sorry.” His car was found abandoned not far from where he lived. The police initially suspected suicide, but they eventually discovered that O’Leary had been involved in an affair with the wife of one of his friends. Her husband then became the prime suspect. 

We all enjoy a good mystery, but I’m always torn when it comes to these true-crime documentaries. The death of Michael O’Leary was a terrible tragedy, but should we really be watching a programme about it? What purpose does it serve?

LAST WEEK’S TV

Baptiste – Sunday 18th July, BBC One

The second series of this spin-off from The Missing got off to a leisurely start, presumably because writers Jack and Harry Williams - a prolific pair of superior hacks - are secure in the knowledge that viewers trust them to deliver the addictive twist-strewn goods in due course.

Sure enough, the various threads of intrigue rapidly entwined in the last ten minutes. 

Baptiste is one of my favourite TV 'tecs. A careworn Frenchman who exhibits an almost pathological obsession with solving missing person cases, he’s driven by a sort of self-serving altruism: helping people makes him feel like his life is worthwhile. And that quietly commanding performance from French-Turkish actor Tchecky Karyo is key to the programme’s appeal.

Professor T. – Sunday 18th July, STV

This adaptation of a Belgian TV series is woefully misjudged. It nominally presents itself as a classy, whimsical Sunday night detective yarn starring comedian Ben Miller as a ‘quirky’ Cambridge criminologist who assists the police in their enquiries. The antagonist in episode one? A masked serial rapist. 

You simply cannot broach that harrowing territory for the purposes of shallow entertainment. Professor T demands of its audience a willingness to tolerate whiplash shifts in tone. Dunno about you, but I’m not prepared to do that. 

Not only is Professor T distasteful, it’s also entirely rote and derivative: a pedestrian crime caper with a dubious tone-deaf streak. Baptiste isn’t perfect, but at least it has some sort of moral compass. 

MAX CLIFFORD: THE FALL OF A TABLOID KING + WHY IS COVID KILLING PEOPLE OF COLOUR?

This article was originally published in The Courier on 26th February 2021. 

THIS WEEK'S TV

Max Clifford: The Fall of a Tabloid King – Monday, Channel 4, 9pm

This excoriating documentary delves into the sordid cesspit of Clifford’s life. The now dead publicist was a vile human being: an amoral hypocrite, bully and narcissist; a psychopath; a pervert; a paedophile. Much like Savile, he hid in plain sight. 

Clifford revelled in power and the fear he wrought. A self-styled arch-manipulator, this arrogant media gangster thought he was untouchable. So no wonder we all enjoyed some schadenfreude when he was eventually exposed and incarcerated. 

But, via testaments from some of his identity-protected victims, the programme paints a bigger and far more important picture of an evil man who was kept afloat for years by our complicit media. It’s the antithesis of Clifford’s philosophy. It prints the truth.

Why is Covid Killing People of Colour? – Tuesday, BBC One, 9pm

“As a 55-year-old black man,” says actor David Harewood, “I am three times more likely to die from Covid-19 than a white man of my age.” To find out more about the reasons behind this stark statistic, he talks to various doctors and scientists, as well as people of colour who have lost loved ones during the pandemic. 

It’s an angering expose of health inequality in Britain. 

“Race is a biological fiction,” says one doctor of Indian origin. Instead, this is a systemic sociological issue rooted in decades of economic and racial discrimination. People of colour are more likely to work in lower-paying frontline roles, where protective conditions are often woefully inadequate. A national scandal.

DNA Family Secrets – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

This touching series is basically ITV’s Long Lost Families in newly upholstered trousers. But that’s fine, it works. In recent years, the growing popularity of genetic testing has given us unprecedented access to our ancestry. 

In episode one, host Stacey Dooley meets Bill, a mixed-race man who has never met his African-American father, and Richard, who recently discovered that he’s not biologically related to the man who raised him. He also learns that he may have a half-brother. Bill and Richard gain some comfort from their findings, but some of the surprises are overwhelming. 

Dooley also meets Charlie, a young wife and mother with a 50% chance of inheriting her father’s Huntingdon’s Disease. It’s an emotionally-charged hour of television.

The Terror – Wednesday, BBC Two, 9pm

Medals will be awarded to anyone who manages to endure episode one of this frost-bitten period drama for more than ten minutes. I had to watch the whole thing, because that’s what they pay me for. 

In 1845, two Royal Navy ships embarked upon a pioneering mission to navigate through the Arctic. They never returned. There’s a potentially interesting story here, but it’s (sigh) tragically capsized by a mannered, arid screenplay. There is no heart, no soul. Zero momentum, nothing to cling on to. It’s just an indistinct procession of liveried characters whispering at each other in gloomy gas-lit cabins. 

The only highlight is a scurvy-ridden crewmember suffering a sub-Lynchian hallucination. A tedious voyage of the damned.

The Pandemic at No. 47 – Wednesday, Channel 4, 10pm

Director Paddy Wivvel usually makes documentaries set in prisons and psychiatric hospitals. This time he focuses on his own privileged London neighbourhood during the first national lockdown. 

Despite its friendly outward appearance, this isn’t a cosy close-knit community at all. Most of Wivvel’s neighbours have never met each other before. As the programme unfolds, he talks to frightened people who have lost loved ones to Covid. He also pays lip service to the debilitating psychological effects of loneliness and isolation. 

But halfway through I began to suspect that it was a sly piece of social satire: a parody of upper middle-class foolishness. It is not. Honestly, some of the people Wivvel meets are like ridiculous characters from a sketch show penned by Charlie Higson and Paul Whitehouse.

LAST WEEK'S TV

Bloodlands – Sunday 21st February, BBC One

This ham-fisted thriller stars James Nesbitt in none-more-glowering mode as a policeman whose wife was murdered by a serial killer during The Troubles. Everyone he meets never tires of reminding him about this. He’s a haunted man. A. Haunted. Man. Got that? Good. 

The subject matter is deadly serious, I’m not making light of that at all, but Bloodlines makes a mockery of whatever its fundamental intentions were. Cliché is piled upon cliché: a deadpan Leslie Nielsen comedy without the jokes. 

I like Nesbitt. Give him a good script and he’ll deliver, but this is a turgid mess. Jed Mercurio of Line of Duty fame is one of the executive producers. It’s aiming for that sense of kinetic gravitas. It misses. It’s drivel.

Chris Packham’s Animal Einsteins – Sunday 21st February, BBC Two

Who are nature’s cleverest creatures? For too long dolphins have dominated the natural world’s mastermind rankings: now, via this lively fact-packed series, it’s time to celebrate their unsung rivals. 

Each week, using innovative scientific techniques, that nice Chris Packham and a dedicated team of researchers carry out a variety of intelligence tests. 

The undoubted highlight of episode one was the carefully controlled experiment which revealed that bees have enough brainpower to count from zero to five, a basic skill they use to their advantage in the wild. What’s more, their intelligence levels are flexible enough to understand the rudiments of football (sort of). 

Packham, a naturally engaging teacher, is in his educational element here.