INSIDE NO. 9 + THE PACT + THE PURSUIT OF LOVE + GODS OF SNOOKER

A version of this article was originally published in The Courier on 15th May 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Inside No. 9 – Monday, BBC Two, 9:30pm

And they’re back. I didn’t enjoy last week’s tiresomely meta series opener at all, but this episode is very good indeed. 

Steve Pemberton stars as the multi-award-winning creator of a Game of Thrones-esque fantasy series. Reece Shearsmith plays an obsessed fan who blackmails his hero into rewriting the show’s unpopular finale. Loosely inspired by Stephen King’s Misery, it’s a witty, deftly-plotted comment on the way a certain type of entitled fan feels they have the right to dictate how their favourite shows should be written. 

Pemberton and Shearsmith couldn’t have known this at the time, but it ties in neatly with the recent – and entirely warranted - disappointment surrounding the Line of Duty finale.

The Pact – Monday and Tuesday, BBC One, 9pm

Laura Fraser and Julie Hesmondhalgh star in this fairly enjoyable twist-strewn thriller about a close-knit group of Welsh brewery workers whose lives go horribly wrong during a drunken work’s night out. 

They decide to exact some playful revenge on an obnoxious colleague. In the panicked aftermath of this prank, a desperate pact of silence is formed. 

To say any more would spoil the fun, but writer Pete McTighe – whose credits include Doctor Who and the Prisoner Cell Block H reboot Wentworth - does a pretty good job of exploiting the fraught ramifications of his premise. The solid cast also includes Eddie Marsan and Adrian Edmondson.

Innocent – Monday to Thursday, STV, 9pm

Stripped throughout the week, Innocent is an utterly generic ITV crime drama elevated somewhat by sensitive performances from Katherine Kelly and Shaun Dooley. 

Kelly stars as a schoolteacher accused of murdering one of her pupils. After serving five years in prison, she wins an appeal and returns home to a less than welcoming reception. Determined to prove her innocence, she offers her assistance to a police officer (Dooley) who is heading up a re-investigation. Innocent wants to make a serious point about how people deserve the right to a second chance in life, but it gets bogged down in all the usual tired tropes. 

The dialogue is laughable. Sample: “I want my job back, or I’m going to get seriously legal on your arse!” I mean, really.

Extra Life: A Short History of Living Longer – Tuesday, BBC Four, 10:05pm

In this timely new series, historian David Olusoga and popular science author Steven Johnson celebrate the unsung heroes of global healthcare while asking what we can learn from previous global pandemics. 

They begin with the fascinating history of vaccinations, which naturally feeds directly into our current situation. It’s an episode populated by various pioneering medical scientists, whose bold experiments resulted in the eradication of formerly fatal diseases and an increase in life expectancy around the world. 

Olusoga and Johnson are clear-eyed guides, they knit the whole saga together with quiet authority. Their interviewees include Dr Anthony Fauci, director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. Fauci never expected to become famous, that's not why he took the gig, but 2020 changed everything.

Escape to the Farm with Kate Humble – Thursday, Channel 5, 8pm

The latest episode of this green and pleasant series gets up at the crack of dawn to bask in birdsong. Humble teams up with an ornithologist neighbour to explain what those delightful chirrups and tweets actually mean: in short, sex and violence. No joke. 

She also visits one of her most cherished hidden spots on the farm, a wild garlic patch, looks on proudly as her favourite pig gives birth for the first time, and, as usual, gets busy in her farmhouse kitchen. This week, our genial host rustles up a lamb broth and “a proper British pesto.” 

Humble comes across as such a nice person, it’s impossible to resent this cosy celebration of her seemingly perfect life.

Subnormal: A British Scandal – Thursday, BBC One, 9pm

This damning documentary exposes a shameful chapter in British history.  

In the 1960s and 1970s, hundreds of black Caribbean children were officially categorised as ‘educationally subnormal’ and sent to schools for pupils deemed to have low intelligence. A blatant case of institutional racism, it was a concerted effort to remove black children from the mainstream education system. 

The programme features devastating contributions from some of the people who were cruelly mis-labelled. They talk about how the whole experience instilled within them deep-seated feelings of shame and a terrible lack of self-esteem. They have struggled with that pain for decades. 

And this scandalous practice isn’t a relic from the past, it’s still happening now. Prepare to be appalled.

LAST WEEK’S TV

The Pursuit of Love – Sunday 9th May, BBC One

Based on the novel by Nancy Mitford, this self-consciously hip and stylised period drama is supposedly a wry satire on the sheer weirdness of insular upper-class English families. But writer/director Emily Mortimer also expects us to care about these people, who are just too exhausting to engage with. 

You don’t necessarily have to like characters in a drama, but you do have to find them interesting on some level. This lot are ghastly bores. 

It focuses on the intense relationship between teenage cousins Linda and Fanny as they fantasise about love and escaping from the patriarchy. Dominic West has a ball as the appallingly bigoted king of the castle, but his scenery-chewing performance fails to rescue a fundamentally alienating and aggravating production.

Gods of Snooker – Sunday 9th May, BBC Two

Now this is television. Executive-produced by Louis Theroux, it’s a hugely entertaining and lovingly-curated tribute to the dickie-bowed heroes who transformed snooker into a national obsession in the 1980s. Snooker loopy nuts were we (we were snooker loopy).

Naturally it began with Alex Higgins, the rebellious working-class hero and people’s champion who was pretty much solely responsible for killing off snooker’s hitherto staid and gentlemanly image (the octogenarian Ray Reardon couldn't hide his understandable bitterness during his interview). Higgins was a wayward genius; the footage of him in mind-bogglingly audacious action was hilarious. 

But the programme didn’t romanticise him unduly – he was, after all, a troubled and difficult character. 

Suffused with wit and warmth, Gods of Snooker perfectly encapsulates the cultural impact of that most beautiful of games. Highly recommended.

 

ITALY'S FRONTLINE: A DOCTOR'S DIARY + THE LUMINARIES

This article was originally published in The Courier on 27th June 2020.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

ITALY’S FRONTLINE: A DOCTOR’S DIARY

Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

This stark documentary was filmed inside an overstretched hospital at the height of the coronavirus crisis in Italy. It follows A&E doctor Francesca Mangiatordi as she struggles to care for an escalating influx of infected patients. A shortage of beds has left staff with no choice but to park patients in corridors, sometimes for days. Mangiatordi is exhausted, candid and eloquent. She repeatedly questions the worth of her role in the face of such overwhelming suffering: “When you remove someone’s dignity, you leave them with nothing.” Gradually, some of her colleagues succumb to the virus. Their experience of treating Covid patients naturally makes them more fearful about their own chances of survival. Meanwhile, Mangiatordi frets about the prospect of a devastating second wave.

THE HIDDEN WILD OF THE MOTORWAY

Tuesday, BBC Four, 9pm

Britain’s busiest road, the M25, is a vast loop of soulless concrete. But look closer and you’ll find that the natural world has adapted to coexist around it. Inspired by J.G. Ballard and Joseph Conrad, naturalist Helen Macdonald takes a thoughtful stroll around the M25’s perimeter in this hauntological documentary. She discovers pretty woodlands and waterways scored to a background roar of traffic; some songbirds have had to alter the pitch of their calls in order to be heard. She also reveals how fungi studies could help to solve the problem of traffic congestion. An enthusiastic, softly-spoken scholar finding hidden wonders in mundane areas we take for granted, this is a quintessential BBC Four joint. We’ll miss it when it’s gone.

THE SECRET MEDITERRANEAN WITH TREVOR McDONALD

Tuesday, STV, 9pm

You could argue that sunny foreign TV travelogues are the last thing we need to see at the moment. They’re a cruel reminder of an increasingly distant time when, finances permitting, we could hop on a plane and relax our blues away on holiday. On the other hand, the sight of genial Sir Trev in sunglasses and an open-necked shirt might provide a fleeting distraction from the misery of life as we currently know it. Which sounds fine in theory, but according to the synopsis – preview copies weren’t available – episode one involves Trev boarding a superyacht once owned by Aristotle Onassis and later witnessing a bout of camel wrestling. That doesn’t sound like fun to me. Tastes may vary.

HUEY MORGAN’S LATIN AMERICAN ADVENTURE

Friday, BBC Four, 9:30pm

In this vibrant new series, the BBC 6 Music DJ drops his usual tiresome wise-guy act to engage sincerely with the turbulent history of Latin American popular music. His perspiring odyssey begins in Brazil, where ecstatic Samba rhythms continue to represent the defiant voice of oppressed working-class people (Brazil is currently governed by ‘the Trump of the Tropics’). This is protest music in its purest most transcendent form; grooving community action. He also covers the bossa nova boom and examines the anti-capitalist politics of the tropicalia movement via interviews with the great Gilberto Gil and, from the magnificently far-out Os Mutantes, Arnaldo Baptista. These musicians challenged the jackboot status quo with some the greatest music ever made.

LAST WEEK’S TV

THE LUMINARIES

Sunday 21st and Monday 22^nd June, BBC One

This turgid adaptation of Eleanor Catton’s Man Booker Prize-winning novel (which I’ve never read and never will) succeeds only as a showcase for some decent production design. It looks good, but the story, the characters, don’t engage at all. It’s set on New Zealand’s South Island in 1866. Various folk converge to pan for gold. It glistens with a hallucinatory sheen of opiated sweat and grime. The performances are fine and the setting is potentially interesting. There’s something to be said here about colonialism, racism, misogyny and greed. The Luminaries somehow manages to crush that potential into mulch with its awkward pacing and structure. An alienating mess.

THE CHOIR: SINGING FOR BRITAIN

Tuesday 23^rd June, BBC Two

Gareth Malone is a smarmy little creep, a tweedy child with an orchard full of apples for teacher. Hats off to every frontline worker involved in this experiment, you’re all brilliant, lovely people, but keep a close eye on Malone. He’s a government-sanctioned Minister of Music in waiting who can barely disguise his contempt for pop music behind that faux-groovy piano teacher facade. He makes Gary Barlow look like Che Guevara.

ISOLATION STORIES + VAN DER VALK

A version of this article was originally published in The Courier on 2nd May 2020.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

ISOLATION STORIES

Monday to Thursday, STV, 9pm

These short standalone dramas were still in post-production when I wrote this, but given the talent involved they’ll probably be worth watching. Produced by the estimable Jeff Pope (Philomena; Stan & Ollie), they’re vignettes featuring characters in lockdown. Mel (Sheridan Smith) is heavily pregnant and at home all alone; the father of her child has elected to stay elsewhere with his wife and children. Ron (Robert Glenister) is ill with the virus, which has put added strain on his relationship with one of his sons (played by Glenister’s son, Tom). Anxious Mike (Darren Boyd) insists on an online therapy session with Rochelle (Angela Griffin), and a grandad (David Threlfall) attempts to entertain his family (Eddie Marsan and his actual sons) from afar.

THE A WORD

Tuesday, BBC One, 9pm

Peter Bowker’s sensitive drama about a family coping with a child who has autism is marred by the continuing presence of an embarrassingly miscast Christopher Eccleston. A fine dramatic actor, Eccleston simply cannot handle the demands of playing light comedy. It’s beyond his stern capabilities. That’s a shame, as the rest of the cast, including the entirely natural Max Vento as nine-year-old Joe, is excellent. As series three begins, the family’s situation has become even more complicated. Alison (Morven Christie) and Paul (Lee Ingleby) are divorced, which means that Joe has to cope with living in two places at once. When he angrily discards his beloved headphones, usually a permanent fixture around his neck, you know he’s struggling.

I’LL GET THIS

Tuesday, BBC Two, 10pm

Here’s a bit of harmless fun to while away those hours in lockdown. Now in its second series, each episode involves five celebrities attending a swanky restaurant, placing their credit cards in a bowl in the centre of the table and proceeding to play a series of simple yet revealing games. If they win a game, they get to retrieve their card. If not, they have to pay for the meal at the end of the night (hardly a tragic sacrifice for such well-heeled people, but let's keep it light). The celebs in this week’s episode are the old smoothie’s old smoothie Nigel Havers, Made in Chelsea star and pro-fox hunting young Conservative Georgia Toffolo, Alex Brooker from The Last Leg, comedian Desiree Burch and former Coronation Street star Sally Lindsay.

LAST WEEK’S TV

VAN DER VALK

Sunday 26th April, STV

Let’s get the most important thing out of the way first: the minimalist rearrangement of that once triumphant theme tune is simply unacceptable. Even the John Lewis Christmas publicity team would reject it for being too weak and twee. A travesty. Otherwise, this handsomely produced contemporary take on the adventures of Amsterdam’s most famous detective is serviceably generic cop show fare. The role will forever by associated with the late Barry Foster, but Marc Warren does a pretty good job of slipping into his caustic brogues. It's nothing, though, a Sunday night time-passer. Still, nice canals.

STACEY DOOLEY: COSTA DEL NARCOS

Sunday 26th April, BBC Two

Dooley’s latest investigation revealed how southern Spain has, in recent years, become the main turf-warring gateway for drugs into Europe. She met some heavily disguised dealers and smugglers, as well as some of the police officers tasked with seizing back control of the region. Dooley may not be the world’s greatest investigative journalist, but her reports are always clear-eyed and informative. This was no exception.

ABSOLUTELY INDIA: MANCS IN MUMBAI

Wednesday 29th April, STV

The Thomas brothers, Ryan, Scott and Adam, are familiar to millions for their respective roles in Coronation Street, Emmerdale and Love Island. But did you know they’re of Indian descent? Accompanied by their dad, the singer Dougie James of Soul Train minor fame, they explore their heritage in this lively travelogue which also doubles as a family therapy session. They’re amiable tour guides.

CELEBRITY SAS: WHO DARES WINS + LIMMY'S HOMEMADE SHOW

This article was originally published in The Courier on 18th April 2020.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

CELEBRITY SAS: WHO DARES WINS

Monday, Channel 4, 9pm

Escapist rubbish. Mindless entertainment. Risible macho nonsense. Call it what you will. This is the sort of silliness we need right now. You presumably know the drill: a team of ex-Special Forces soldiers led by classic bearded Action Man ™ Ant Middleton put twelve celebrities through a condensed yet gruelling version of SAS selection. This time around, in conjunction with Stand Up to Cancer, those trembling famous faces include Anthea Turner, John Fashanu, Katie Price, Strictly dancer Brendan Cole, former boxing champ Tony Bellew and some wazzock from TOWIE (there is always some wazzock from TOWIE in these shows). Pantomime aggression, facile motivational profundities, gruff soldiers dispensing unqualified advice to troubled souls with various issues, this show has it all.

A VERY BRITISH LOCKDOWN: DIARIES FROM THE FRONTLINE

Tuesday, STV, 8pm

I’m writing these words on Saturday 11^th April. Or it might be Sunday 12^th, I honestly can’t tell the days apart anymore. Time means nothing at the moment, does it? We’re all adrift in a disorientating existential limbo. That’s a roundabout way of telling you that, for obvious reasons, preview copies of this recently compiled programme weren’t available in time (whatever that is) for my weekly deadline. It does, however, sound like something we can all get behind. Filmed via camera phones, it involves members of the public sharing their Coronavirus lockdown stories. Participants include two middle-aged grocers who continue to serve the needs of their vulnerable customers, plus a pair of expectant parents whose baby is due soon.

OUR QUEEN AT WAR

Wednesday, STV, 9pm

Not, alas, a gossipy expose of the intra-band frictions between Messrs Mercury, May, Taylor and Deacon, but a documentary examining the role of young Princess Liz during WWII. She was, famously, the only female member of the Royal Family to join the armed forces during wartime, an act of national duty which strengthened her character and public image. It’s an eventful saga solidly told via forelock-tugging Royal biographers and a vivid fiesta of photographs, letters, archive radio broadcasts and newsreel footage, plus some tasteful animated inserts. The war encouraged the Windsors to adopt a more informal way of dealing with the masses; the Princess played an integral role in bringing some relative comfort and cheer to her shattered subjects.

THE BIG NIGHT IN

Thursday, BBC One, 7pm

Comic Relief and Children in Need have united for the first time to present this three-hour charity extravaganza, in which stars provide entertainment from the safety of their own homes. The money raised will go towards those partaking in the frontline fight against Covid-19, as well as some unsung heroes who are going that extra mile to support their local communities. Lenny Henry and Matt Baker will, while staying safely apart, present contributions from the likes of Peter Kay, Catherine Tate and the stars of Strictly. We’ll also be treated to some classic comedy moments, as voted for by you. It would be churlish, under the circumstances, to complain about seeing Del Boy fall through the bar again.

LAST WEEK’S TV

LIMMY’S HOMEMADE SHOW

Sunday 12th April, BBC Two

Limmy’s latest series is inadvertently topical. A DIY sketch show filmed almost entirely within the confines of his house, it’s a masterclass in self-isolation. It reduces his previous series, Limmy’s Show!, to its bare essence: just Limmy all alone with his daft, morbid, overactive thoughts. Some bits work, some bits don’t, but it’s never boring, never predictable. He’s one of the few contemporary comedians who can make me cackle out loud. Undoubted highlight: Limmy’s guide to creating the ultimate crowd-pleasing DJ set.

DOLLY: 50 YEARS AT THE OPRY

Monday 13th April, BBC Two

This was everything you’d expect from a glitzy celebration of the great Dolly Parton. A slick package combining anniversary concert footage plus archive clips, it found her on typically charming form. While I appreciate that the recently departed Kenny Rogers was presumably too ill to duet on Islands in the Stream when the show was recorded last October, I could’ve done without Dolly’s bland contemporary Country guests performing karaoke versions of her hits. Nevertheless, time in Lady Rhinestone’s company is always well-spent.

INSIDE THE FACTORY

Tuesday 14th April, BBC Two

One feared for Gregg Wallace’s blood pressure when he visited a French cast-iron kitchenware foundry. His enthusiasm reached almost combustible levels. I hope he’s currently enjoying some emergency relaxation time.