MY NAME IS LEON + OUR LIVES: DARTS DREAMS + BIG BOYS

This article was originally published in The Courier on 4th June 2022. 

NEXT WEEK’S TV

My Name is Leon ‐ Friday, BBC Two, 9pm

Set in early 1980s Birmingham against a simmering backdrop of racial tensions, this sensitive drama is told through the eyes of Leon, a mixed‐race ten‐year‐old growing up in care. Leon wants nothing more than to be reunited with his beloved mother and baby brother. 

Based on the novel by Kit de Waal, it’s a heart‐wrenching yet ultimately uplifting portrait of a lost child gradually gaining a sense of identity. Newcomer Cole Martin is wholly unaffected as Leon, it's a stellar performance. 

He’s supported by an exceptional adult cast including Monica Dolan as Leon’s kindly foster carer, and Malachi Kirby as an accidental surrogate father who gently teaches him about the importance of standing up against injustice. A beautiful film.

Long Lost Family Special: Switched at Birth ‐ Monday, STV, 9pm

In the latest episode of this always poignant and sensitively‐handled series, hosts Nicky Campbell and Davina McCall pose two difficult questions: “What if you suspect you were swapped with another baby when you were born? And what if, as a parent, you discover you’ve been raising the wrong daughter?” 

Septuagenarian Rosemary loves her adoptive family, they’ve had a very happy life together, but she understandably feels the need to find out about her biological parents. We all want to know where we came from. 

Meanwhile, two Mediterranean mothers articulate the complex emotional impact of having their babies accidentally switched at birth. A clerical error with, to put it mildly, significant repercussions for all concerned.

Cooking with the Stars ‐ Tuesday, STV, 8pm

It’s a fairly quiet TV week, folks, hence why I’m nudging this returning series in your direction. Please do not regard it as a glowing recommendation. I really can’t emphasise that enough. 

Hosts Tom Allen and Emma Willis preside over another group of celebs as they attempt to learn the skills of a restaurant chef. Naturally, they’ll need a lot of help to get to that level. Enter various top chef mentors such as Rosemary Shrager. 

Among this year’s oven‐ready stars are Anton Du Beke, Dame Kelly Holmes, The Chase’s Anne Hegerty, and comedian Joe Wilkinson. The theme in episode one is classic British dishes. A cook‐off between the first pair of contestants, Du Beke and Wilkinson, ensues.

Lucy Worsley Investigates ‐ Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

The penultimate chapter of Worsley’s current essay is quite the historical cold case: what were the actual circumstances surrounding those 15^th century English princes, both of them heirs to King Edward IV’s throne, who were allegedly murdered in their beds? 

I must admit, I’d never heard of this bizarre mystery before watching the programme. My specialist area of historical expertise is (cough) 20^th century socio-political pop culture. That’s why the likes of Worsley are always welcome on my screen. She may be right, she may be wrong, but she informs and entertains with persuasive, questioning, sceptical rigour. 

I ended up falling down an internet research rabbit‐hole after watching this episode. Still none the wiser, but what a story.

The Bridge: Rocket to a Fortune ‐ Tuesday and Wednesday, Channel 4, 10pm

In series two of this reality show, eight strangers from the UK are tasked with building a 1,000‐foot bridge between their basecamp on a remote Vietnamese island and a giant uninhabited rock. Why? Because if they succeed, one of them will win £200,000. 

This naturally throws up a thorny moral conundrum: they have to work together as a team while being fully aware that they’re also competitors. Twist # 2: there’s another team competing for the same prize, but at first they’re unaware of each other’s existence. 

It’s all rather cruel and dubious, as some of these people are clearly quite fragile. But of course, that doesn’t stop the producers from exploiting the situation for maximum dramatic impact.

Bradford on Duty ‐ Thursday, BBC Two, 9pm

Bradford in the north of England was once one of Britain’s most affluent cities. Decades of deindustrialisation and austerity put paid to that. 

In this new five‐part factual series, we follow some of Bradford’s dedicated frontline workers as they campaign to restore much‐needed civic pride and wellbeing to the beleaguered city. 

Preview copies weren’t available, but this sounds like a potentially worthwhile endeavour. It promises to shed light upon the everyday struggles of district nurses, police officers and council workers, as well as the people who rely upon them for support. 

It will, we’re told, confront vitally important intertwined issues such as homelessness and wealth/health inequality ‐ but with some humour, warmth and hope.

Our Lives: Darts Dreams ‐ Friday, BBC One, 7:30pm

Eighteen‐year‐old Chloe O’Brien from Perthshire is a talented darts player. She’s already established herself as part of Scotland’s youth team, but now it’s time for her to try out for the Scottish ladies’ international squad. This charming documentary charts Chloe’s quest. 

She’s sharp and likeable, a protagonist you can get behind. Like all budding sportspeople who want to get somewhere, Chloe is totally dedicated. She’s made sacrifices, it’s an all‐consuming vocation. 

The programme subtly cocks a snook at those who look down on darts as ‘not a real sport’. Chloe and her close‐knit Angus Ravens teammates prove that it requires real skill; an acute combination of arithmetic, tactics, spatial awareness and hand‐eye coordination.  

LAST WEEK’S TV

Top of the Pops: The Story of 1999 ‐ Saturday 28th May, BBC Two

Last week’s contrived theme: at the very end of the 20^th century, just as Prince predicted, we really were all partying as if there was no tomorrow. 

Sure, we experienced some apocalyptic anxiety surrounding the Y2K bug, but why worry when Steps ruled the charts? Anyway, nothing bad actually happened and we all enjoyed doing the Tragedy dance. 

As usual, this was a historically askew yet harmless exercise in shallow nostalgia aimed at middle‐aged people such as myself. 

We all know that 1999 heralded the beginning of the end for TOTP as any kind of cultural force, but the programme neglected to mention that. One hopes that its sad decline will be addressed in future episodes.   

Big Boys ‐ Thursday 2nd June, Channel 4

This is a delightful new sitcom I failed to mention when it started a fortnight ago, for tedious logistical reasons more than anything else. I’m recommending it now with full‐tilt enthusiasm. 

A tender autobiography penned by Jack Rooke, it stars Dylan Lewellyn from Derry Girls as an awkward gay teenager who forms a close bond with a straight ‘lad’ when they’re suddenly thrown together at university. Jack’s new pal immediately accepts him for who he is. 

Big Boys is funny, frank, sweet and sensitive, it hits every emotional beat ‐ whether happy or sad ‐ with perfect timing. No wonder the great Russell T. Davies has been showering it with praise. All six episodes are available on All 4.

THE MIDWICH CUCKOOS + INSIDE NO. 9 + HORIZON: MAKING SENSE OF CANCER WITH HANNAH FRY

This article was originally published in The Courier on 28th May 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

The Midwich Cuckoos – Thursday, Sky Showcase, 9pm

This contemporary eight-part adaptation of John Wyndham’s classic science-fiction novel feels quite promising. The premise: in a picturesque English market town, every woman of child-bearing age inexplicably becomes pregnant overnight. 

I won’t elaborate in case you haven’t read the book or seen the 1960 film adaptation, Village of the Damned. What I will say is that it boasts an effective air of mounting unease. Director Alice Troughton bathes much of the action in disquieting summer twilight. It has a subtly nightmarish quality. 

Keeley Hawes plays a sympathetic child therapist with a vulnerable daughter. Max Beesley is an everyman local police chief whose wife is already pregnant before the strange incident occurs. A self-contained apocalypse ensues.

Lucy Worsley Investigates – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

In episode two of her probing history lesson, Worsley tackles the Bubonic plague. She focuses on the first and most catastrophic outbreak, which took place in mid-14^th century Britain. Approximately half the population were wiped out. 

In an effort to explain how this devastating pandemic transformed British society, she traces the sad story of a typical peasant farming family. Her rigorous research unearths an ugly tumult of systemic hypocrisy, prejudice and injustice. So-called moral leaders exploited this horrific situation for their own financial and political gain. 

As usual, Worsley slyly reads between the lines with regards to the cyclical nature of history. She doesn’t have to spell it out explicitly, but some things never change.

Once Upon a Time in Londongrad – Tuesday, Sky Showcase, 9pm

This timely series examines 14 suspicious high-profile UK deaths with alleged connections to Putin’s Russia. It’s led by investigative journalist Heidi Blake and her BuzzFeed News colleagues, who for the last few years have immersed themselves in these interconnected cases. 

It begins with the murky saga of Scot Young, a Dundee-born tycoon who died in 2014 after falling from a window of his London penthouse. His ex-wife believes he was murdered. Young was allegedly involved in dealings with a powerful Russian oligarch who had no truck with Putin. 

I’ve only seen the first two episodes, but the overall aim is clear: to expose corruption on a vast and far-reaching scale. Organised crime comes in many guises.

Between the Covers – Wednesday, BBC Two, 7:30pm

This week, your genial book club host Sara Cox is joined by the comedians Jo Brand and Darren Harriott, plus the actors Neil Morrissey and Nina Wadia. 

New titles under review include Love Marriage by Monica Ali and The Faber Book of Reportage, a hefty centuries-spanning compendium of dramatic eyewitness accounts. 

The latest selections from their ongoing Big Jubilee Read list, which celebrates great authors from all across the Commonwealth, are The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood and Disgrace by J.M. Coatzee. Thumbs are raised. 

Side note: Brand reveals in passing that she was named after Jo from Little Women. A fitting honour for someone who is quite clearly one of the most decent showbiz personalities.    

George Clarke’s Flipping Fast – Wednesday, Channel 4, 9pm

This is a series in which George Clarke, a man so bland he makes Alan Titchmarsh look like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, presides over six teams chasing their property development dreams. They have no experience in this field, but apparently all you need to succeed is blind ambition and £100,000 in the bank. 

Full disclosure: I haven’t seen this programme, preview copies weren’t available, but as a doggedly professional connoisseur of Channel 4’s never-ending avalanche of lifestyle/makeover shows, I can pretty much guarantee that it will be formulaic business as usual. 

I mention it only in the hope that it provides you with some fleeting schadenfreude a la Grand Designs. Still, good luck to all concerned.

Inside No. 9 – Wednesday, BBC Two, 10pm

They’ve saved the best until last. The final episode of this current series pivots around a series of authentically rendered animated 1970s Public Information Films in the Charley Says vein. 

Some of those old PIFs are notoriously odd and unsettling, a natural source of inspiration for Pemberton and Shearsmith. The latter plays a man haunted by memories of one particular TV campaign. Pemberton provides a few brief moments of levity as a neighbour lumbered with a dead rabbit in urgent next of taxidermy. 

As writers, they both tread carefully around a story which could have, in less capable hands, sunk into a quagmire of very poor taste. They pull it off, I think. The discomfort they create is emotionally justified.

Horizon: Making Sense of Cancer with Hannah Fry – Thursday, BBC Two, 9pm

Last year, the mathematician and broadcaster Hannah Fry was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She began filming herself as a way of getting through the ordeal. 

Perhaps an intimate record could help her and fellow cancer patients gain a deeper understanding of what they have to deal with. This searching documentary is the result. 

Fry has carried out some extensive statistical analysis of cancer treatment. That’s thrown up some difficult questions. Are doctors making the right decisions when it comes to treating cancer patients? Are we even at risk of over-medicalising cancer? 

This, to say the least, is a highly sensitive subject. Fry’s conversations with patients and medical experts are unflinchingly honest, but it’s all handled with care. 

LAST WEEK’S TV

Top of the Pops: The Story of 1998 – Saturday 21st May, BBC Two

In ‘98 the Spice Girls were in freefall. Robbie Williams became a bona fide solo star. Keith Allen captured hearts and minds with Vindaloo by Fat Les. What a time it was to be young. 

This recent spate of TOTP retrospectives has obviously struggled with budget cuts, hence the same bunch of talking heads appearing in multiple episodes. Must we hear Huey Morgan’s thoughts on everything? 

However, this episode did at least introduce some new recruits, most notably All Saints, who came across well in their good-natured group interview. They’re still on friendly terms. In the fraught world of pop, that’s a heartening anomaly. 

Also, I must admit, that chaotic Fat Les studio performance was quite amusing. Sorry.

2 Tone: The Sound of Coventry – Saturday 21st May, BBC Two

In the late 1970s and early 1980s, a small independent Coventry record label sparked a nationwide phenomenon. 2 Tone fused ska with the spirit of punk and a mod aesthetic. 

Under the yoke of Thatcherism and neo-Nazi violence, The Specials, The Beat, Madness and The Selecter hosted a racially integrated party fuelled by music, fashion, fun and politics: left-wing, working-class, anti-racist social commentary you could dance to. 

This lovingly curated documentary captured the subversive thrill of that hugely significant cultural uprising. Perceptive insight was provided by Pauline Black from The Selecter, Neville Staple from The Specials, and his erstwhile bandmate/visionary movement leader Jerry Dammers. They all achieved something of lasting impact. A beautiful celebration.

FLOODLIGHTS + INSIDE NO. 9 + WINTER WALKS: ADRIAN CHILES

This article was originally published in The Courier on 14th May 2022. 

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Floodlights – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

The former professional footballer Andy Woodward is a victim of child sexual abuse. Six years ago, he bravely went public about his life-shattering ordeal. 

Woodward’s abuser was the football coach and self-styled ‘star-maker’ Barry Bennell, a manipulative serial predator who exploited his status to prey upon more than 100 vulnerable children. He got away with his crimes for years. 

This powerful standalone drama recounts Woodward’s story. Floodlights is angering, heart-breaking, an uncomfortable watch. It has to be. There is no other way of addressing a heinous scandal that implicates an entire institution. 

An important piece of television, it exposes the insidious methods of abusers while dealing sensitively with the enduring trauma of their victims.

The Truth About Nike and Adidas: Dispatches – Monday, Channel 4, 8:30pm

The latest edition of Channel 4’s long-running and justly lauded current affairs strand tackles the big brand trainer industry and its supposed commitment to sustainability. 

Your investigative reporter is the actor/writer Darcy Thomas, a self-confessed trainer aficionado. He’s troubled by a growing amount of evidence highlighting the trainer industry’s negative impact on the environment. It is widely thought to be one of the world’s largest polluters, but funnily enough it tends to keep quiet about that. 

More than 25 billion pairs of trainers are manufactured every year. That amounts to three per person in the world. Thomas travels to the Maldives to find out what’s really going on with the likes of Nike and Adidas.

Joe Wicks: Facing My Childhood – Monday, BBC One, 9pm

Charismatic fitness coach Joe Wicks became something of a national hero during the first lockdown, when his hugely popular ‘P.E. with Joe’ YouTube videos helped children to remain fit and healthy. In this candid documentary, Wicks turns his attention to mental health. 

During the pandemic, he received thousands of messages from parents who opened up about their mental health issues. They were all understandably worried about how this may impact on their children. Wicks understood implicitly. He was raised by a mum with OCD, anxiety and an eating disorder, and a dad who struggled with depression and heroin addiction. 

So he sets out to discover what can be done to better support families going through similar situations.

Beat the Chasers – Monday to Friday, STV, 9pm

Anne “The Governess” Hegerty had to bow out of the latest series of this Chase spin-off after being tested positive for COVID, so she’s been temporarily replaced by top Australian chaser Issa “The Supernerd” Schultz. He’s a genial addition to the team. 

The Chase in all its forms is an irresistible quiz, precisely because it’s so simple and straightforward. There’s no messing about, they just get on with it. And Bradley Walsh, of course, is Britain’s greatest living gameshow host (face facts, Ross Kemp). He’s entirely at home in his shiny-floored crucible of cheeky gags, banter and trivia. 

Forsyth and Monkhouse, where e’er they may be, will doubtless be nodding in approval at his mastery of the craft.

Elon Musk: Superhero or Supervillain? – Monday, Channel 4, 9pm

Now there’s a question that no one with an ounce of perspicacity has to think about twice. But Musk is in the news again due to his $44bn acquisition of Twitter, so that’s why this documentary exists. 

Preview copies weren’t available, but I do know that it features interviews with people who have worked alongside the controversial tech tycoon, who is part of a small group of insanely wealthy men with a powerful global reach exceeding that of most governments. We also hear from people who have locked horns with his companies. 

Musk is obviously an ‘interesting’ figure, I can’t deny that, so this programme will hopefully shed some light upon whatever it is that makes him tick.

The Airport: Back in the Skies – Monday, BBC One, 10:40pm

1990s docusoap titan Jeremy Spake was the breakout star of BBC One’s Airport. Since then he’s become a professional aviation expert. In this belated sequel, Spake returns to his old stomping ground of Heathrow Airport as it attempts to establish some semblance of normality following the gradual lifting of COVID restrictions. 

He’s dismayed to discover that an entire terminal has been mothballed. There simply aren’t enough flights to justify its existence. “It literally looks like an apocalypse has happened,” he sighs, “there’s literally no one here.” 

But it’s not all doom and gloom. New opportunities are arriving at Heathrow. Spake, who knows his airborne onions, remains optimistic about the future of an industry that he clearly cares about deeply.

Inside No. 9 – Wednesday, BBC Two, 10pm

A perennial ‘problem’ with previewing Inside No. 9 is that the show’s very nature precludes one from providing anything more than a very vague synopsis. But I can never resist recommending it. 

This instalment is particularly strange and bleak. A woman (Daisy Haggard) is kidnapped by a disquieting fool (Daniel Mays). His ransom demand is £1.3 million, a vast fortune that can be readily accessed by the victim’s awful hedge fund manager husband (Reece Shearsmith). A split screen technique is used throughout. There are creepy masks. And that’s all I can tell you with regards to the plot and presentation. 

It’s not top tier Inside No. 9, it doesn't quite hang together and the nihilistic tone is borderline unpleasant, but at least it’s never predictable.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Top of the Pops: The Story of 1997 – Saturday 7th May, BBC Two

The latest TOTP retrospective attempted, with heroic determination, to present 1997 as a significant year for pop. 

This is the narrative we were expected to swallow: Britpop was over, but at least we still had defiant stragglers such as Republica and Placebo. Not only that, Texas gained a second wind and the Fun Lovin’ Criminals briefly became a thing. 

I have no strong opinions about any of those bands, as that would be a pointless waste of time and energy, but the people behind this show are really clutching at straws now. 

Still, I enjoyed the surprisingly sweet story of harmless novelty Euro-poppers Aqua, and anarcho-punks Chumbawamba gate-crashing the mainstream will always be an amusing anomaly.  

Winter Walks: Adrian Chiles – Monday 9th May, BBC Four

In this standalone edition of the popular celebrity rambling detour, Adrian Chiles went for a leisurely 4.9 mile walk along Scarborough’s scenic coastline. “This is what makes Britain great,” marvelled the affable everyman of British broadcasting as he took in the views. 

These programmes are always intimate and ruminative, that’s baked into the 360-degree light handheld camera format, but Chiles was particularly introspective. The underlying theme was his struggle with depression, anxiety and ADD, and the ways in which simple pleasures such as communing with nature can sometimes help. 

Naturally, Chiles didn’t prescribe that as a miracle cure, but his lyrical sincerity was rather touching. He came across as a sensitive soul who takes nothing for granted.

THEN BARBARA MET ALAN + JOANNA LUMLEY'S GREAT CITIES OF THE WORLD + BRIDGE OF LIES

This article was originally published in The Courier on 19th March 2022. 

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Then Barbara Met Alan – Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

This excellent standalone drama tells the true story of two alternative cabaret performers who became the driving force behind a direct‐action campaign that led to the passing of the 1995 Disability Discrimination Act. 

It’s a love story. But above all else it’s an angry, humane and irreverent assault on terribly patronising attitudes towards people with disabilities. We’ve moved on since then, but it’s worth bearing in mind that this all took place just 30 years ago. In the supposedly groovy and enlightened 1990s. 

Society changes for the better incrementally, in large part thanks to bold, eloquent civil rights activists such as Barbara and Alan. Writers Genevieve Barr and Jack Thorne make their point with commendable wit and sensitivity.

The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up to Cancer – Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm

Noel Fielding and Matt Lucas begin their annual charity diversion alongside TV presenter Emma Willis, Radio One DJ Clara Amfo, Blake ‘Inbetweeners’ Harrison and comedian Alex Horne. As always, judges Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith snoop about in the background while awareness of a good cause is raised. 

In episode one, the contestants are tasked with making intricately decorated biscuits, some madeleines (that’s apparently a sort of cross between a cookie and a cupcake), and a decorative pastry sculpture that somehow reflects their character. 

I will never understand the appeal of cakes or programmes about cakes, but to each our own. I’m only recommending this because I know some of you will want to watch it. Enjoy! 

Rock Till We Drop – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

In the final episode of this uplifting series, our seasoned rock bands perform at the Isle of Wight Festival. I defy anyone to resist the cockle‐warming joy of their moment in the sun. 

As guitarist Leburn says with a knowing smile: “I was born to do this. I have lived my life to do this. I could die after this show and that would be perfectly fine with me.” 

What a lovely endeavour this has been, a modest tribute to creative people who never wanted to work Nine to Five. Not that there’s anything wrong with a workaday existence, we’re all slaves to fortune, but some folk belong on a stage. Even if it is just for one day.

British Grandma on Death Row with Susanna Reid – Tuesday, STV, 9pm

We’re all sophisticated adults here, so let’s gloss over the fact that the clumsily worded title of this programme implies that Susanna Reid is doing some serious stir with an elderly lady. 

Linda Carty is the only British woman on death row anywhere in the western world. She’s been awaiting her fatal sentence for almost 20 years. Carty has always maintained that she’s not guilty of her alleged crime, the details of which are so horrific I daren’t share them with you here. Far too upsetting. 

Needless to say, this is a sobering programme, but Reid handles the central issue in a fairly nuanced way. It’s a halfway acceptable article of gloomy tabloid television. You have been warned.

The Simpler Life – Tuesday and Wednesday, Channel 4, 9:15pm and 9pm

Modern life is rubbish. We all know that. But would we be any better off by returning to the olden days? When life was simpler and more rural? Well, no. 

You’ve seen versions of this programme a thousand times before, ‘a ground‐breaking experiment’ in which a bunch of volunteers reject the trappings of contemporary society to see what we can learn from living off the land. 

This lot ‐ 24 total strangers ‐ are pretending to be Amish in the vicinity of actual Amish people. The whole thing is remotely overseen by psychologists, who chip in now and again to provide some analysis of how they’re getting on. Its heart, I suppose, is located in the right place.

The Witchfinder – Tuesday, BBC Two, 10pm

This sitcom from the Gibbons brothers of Alan Partridge renown got off to a slightly shaky start, but it really is worth sticking with. 

At heart it’s a traditional odd couple screwball comedy road trip in which a foolish man (Tim Key) is repeatedly rescued and undermined by a sharp‐witted woman (Daisy May Cooper). Their chemistry is rather delightful. 

This week the witchfinder tries to steal some bees while proving his worth as a woodland hunter. His ‘prisoner’ isn’t impressed. The Witchfinder is funny. Most of the jokes land. The characters and narrative are engaging. My only complaint is that the brilliant Jessica Hynes is underused. She deserves a more substantial role. Otherwise, two withered thumbs up.

Joanna Lumley’s Great Cities of the World – Thursday, STV, 9pm

This week’s stunningly beautiful destination is Rome. The ever‐ready Lumley arrives in town on the back of a Vespa. Moments later she’s throwing coins into a fountain for luck while delivering various pocket history lessons. 

She also meets a delightful old photographer who chronicled all the great stars during their visits to Rome. Jagger, Ali, Audrey Hepburn, you name ‘em, this chap snapped ‘em. Other highlights include a private tour of the Sistine Chapel and an interview with 94‐year‐old Italian film sensation Gina Lollobrigida, who offers a few glimpses into her fascinating life. 

Nessuna sorpresa (yes, I did just Google Translate that), Lumley can speak Italian. She is, after all, a cultured citizen of the world.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Top of the Pops: The Story of 1991 – Saturday 12th March, BBC Two

This documentary was supposed to go out last year when BBC Four launched its run of TOTP repeats from 1991, but better late than never. 

It was a typically smart, warm and witty compendium of that year’s pop‐crazed highlights, chief among them being the overground emergence of rave culture, hip ‘indie’ bands such as Blur crossing over into the mainstream, and the magnificent pop‐art subversion of The KLF. 

It also challenged the widely held belief that Kurt Cobain deliberately sabotaged Nirvana’s infamous performance of Smells Like Teen Spirit. Well maybe he did, but according to those who were there that day, his ludicrous baritone was caused by a heavy cold. Rock and roll.

Bridge of Lies – Monday 14th March to Friday 18th March, BBC One

A daytime quiz hosted by TV Hardman ™ Ross Kemp? There was just no way I could resist watching that. It’s such an inherently odd and intriguing concept. But I regret to report that Kemp is a blandly competent host. 

His fellow EastEnders alumnus Danny Dyer scored big with The Wall because his blatant unsuitability for the role is an amusing gift that keeps on giving. And Dyer, even in his confused and bleary state, is capable of ramping up some drama. Kemp just politely goes through the motions like the pro he is. And where’s the fun in that? 

The game itself involves contestants answering questions while crossing a virtual bridge. It’s enjoyable enough. Final answer: meh.