This article was originally published in The Courier on 18th January 2014.
Hostages:
Saturday, Channel 4
House
of Fools: Tuesday, BBC2
Paul
Whitelaw
Readers, I'm stunned. And not a
little impressed. Channel 4's latest US import, Hostages,
established itself as a steaming pile of horse manure within its
first five minutes. That must be some kind of record.
Instantly notable for its dreadful
quotidian dialogue – everyone speaks entirely in clunky exposition
– this nonsensical thriller began with a mind-blowingly stupid
sequence in which a stubble-jawed FBI agent declared his maverick
credentials by taking control of a siege situation and shooting a
hostage.
Huh? But wait! Our man, our
brilliant, brilliant man, had in fact correctly surmised that a
cunning armed robber had swapped clothes with a bank employee in a
bid to escape. How could he be sure? The ersatz hostage's boots
didn't match his business suit. It was one helluva risk, but he's
just that kinda guy.
Resembling a constipated David
Schwimmer, this wayward genius confirmed his unorthodox approach to
law enforcement by invading the home of the President's personal
physician (Toni Collette, a fine actress cast adrift) and ordering
her to kill him during an imminent bout of surgery. Failure to comply
will result in the assassination of her charmless family. So far, so
high concept.
It's not necessarily a bad central
conceit – 24 managed to wangle eight seasons from such
enjoyable daftness – but Hostages squanders its potential by
being so catastrophically laughable.
I particularly enjoyed the highly
conspicuous albino operative who's supposedly a master of disguise,
and the rogue FBI agents creeping stealthily through Collette's
garden. Cue stirrings from the family pooch. “I got the dog,”
whispered Agent # 1 solemnly, like Jack Bauer staking out a pet shop.
Mercifully, the dog was spared. These guys aren't all bad.
“This can't be happening,” sobbed
Collette, with understandable conviction. By the time she revealed,
during a supposedly high-stakes sequence, that her security password
was “Ringo Starr”, I was convinced the sense-addled writers had
orchestrated the whole thing as some sort of desperate cry for help.
Like Michael Haneke's Funny Games
hijacked by the Chuckle Brothers, Hostages heaves with all the
idiocy and emptiness we've come to expect from its executive
producer, Hollywood schlockmeister Jerry Bruckheimer.
What's behind the kidnapper's plan?
Who cares? Will they end up forming an unexpected bond with Colette's
family? Inevitably! And so it goes on. “Sometimes you have to do a
bad thing for a good reason,” explained Agent Schwimmer, helpfully.
Inadvertent hilarity aside, what's Hostages' excuse?
Channel 4 are obviously banking on
this being an addictive replacement for the ailing Homeland.
Fat chance. When the novelty value of its awfulness subsides, viewers
will abandon this trussed-up turkey in droves.
By cheerful contrast, Vic and Bob's
delightfully daft sitcom House of Fools deserves to be a hit.
Continuing proof that, when given the opportunity, they're capable of
devising relatively accessible mainstream entertainment while
compromising none of their unique comic voice, it's delivered with
all the infectiously self-indulgent gusto for which they're so
beloved.
Finally free from the over-egged
constraints of Shooting Stars, the pair seem energised by the
chance to throw everything they've got – absurd characters,
winningly contrived groaners, crude silliness, wordplay, sight gags,
puppetry, songs and slapstick - at the traditional sitcom format
(everything, from the saucy 1970s theme tune to the beige living room
set, suggests Reg Varney and Yootha Joyce in a cracked hall of
mirrors).
An admittedly mixed barrage of gags
wisely tethered to the sketchiest of plots – Bob's thwarted mission
to watch Conan the Barbarian on TV with his new girlfriend –
episode one was a knockabout, charming pleasure. Never mind Mrs
Brown's Boys, this is how I like my old-fashioned entertainment.
It's heartening to note that, even
after all this time, these peerless clowns still take such delight in
making people laugh by entertaining themselves.
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