TV Column: DRACULA + DOCTOR WHO

This article was originally published in The Courier on 28th December 2019.

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/category/lifestyle/entertainment/tv-film/

NEXT WEEK’S TV

DRACULA

New Year’s Day to Friday, BBC One, 9pm

If, like me, you eventually grew tired of Steven Moffat and Mark Gattis’ unbearably self-indulgent Sherlock, you might be pleasantly surprised by their muscular take on Dracula. A 19^th century period piece, it borrows heavily from Bram Stoker’s novel while going its own freewheeling way (e.g. traumatised solicitor Jonathan Harker recounts his terrible tale to a drolly straight-talking, Godless nun). Despite containing flashes of slyly affectionate meta-commentary on established vampire lore, this Dracula isn’t a send-up. It’s witty, yes, but it’s also grimly atmospheric and unabashedly horrific. It may be one of the goriest dramas ever made by the BBC. Main selling point: a commanding performance from saturnine Danish actor Claes Bang as an utterly ruthless, cocksure Count.

DAME EDNA RULES THE WAVES

Hogmanay, BBC One, 9:05pm

The great Dame emerges from semi-retirement to host this one-off special from her enormous luxury yacht (it’s three times the size of Wales). Her celebrity shipmates include Sharon Osbourne, Judge Rinder, Emily Atack and Anita Rani, all of them eager to be insulted in inimitable passive-aggressive Edna fashion. Now aged 85, Edna’s material isn’t quite what it was. Her opening monologue falls flat, sadly, although it does contain this touching tribute to her late sidekick Madge Allsop: “She went peacefully… she died in my sleep.” All is not lost, however: once the guests come out, traces of her sharp improvisatory wit can still be detected. She can’t help being naturally funny, that gift never disappears completely.

DOCTOR WHO

New Year’s Day, BBC One, 6:55pm

The Doctor returns with a skittish two-part Bond pastiche called Spyfall (like Skyfall; such wit), featuring guest-stars Stephen Fry as a Q-style MI6 official and Lenny Henry (more of whom below) as a villainous billionaire businessman. I’m no fan of tin-eared showrunner Chris Chibnall; he is, at best, a competent hack. Spyfall is Chibnall at his best. It’s a fairly enjoyable run-around in which a mysterious race of aliens launch an attack on international intelligence agents. Chibnall pulls off a couple of decent set-pieces, Ryan and Yaz actually get to do something for once, and Jodie Whittaker makes her mark whenever the script allows her to. Things can only get better?

IMAGINE… LENNY HENRY: YOUNG, GIFTED AND BLACK

Thursday, BBC One, 12am

This thoughtful profile of Sir Lenworth has, for some mystifying reason, been buried at midnight. So what if you can watch it whenever on iPlayer? He deserves better. It’s a poignant companion piece to his recently published autobiography, in which he focuses, not on his years of fame and fortune, but on his early struggle to make a name for himself on the ‘70s working men’s club and television circuit: a seemingly insurmountable task for a black teenager in a predominantly white - and covertly racist - environment. He reflects upon the importance of delivering race-based jokes before the audience got there first. It was a defence mechanism, he had no choice. Today he’s a figurehead for the diversity movement.

LAST WEEK’S TV

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

22^nd December to Christmas Eve, BBC One

The zillionth adaptation of Dickens’ festive classic starred Guy Pearce as Scrooge and Stephen Graham as Marley. It was written by Steven ‘Peaky Blinders’ Knight, hence the knowingly mannered, sooty charcoal aesthetic and salty language. Knight was obviously more interested in exploring Scrooge’s eloquent nihilism than his eventual redemption, but it was the resolutely dark Christmas Carol we deserved this year. An enjoyably nasty addition to the canon.

MARTIN’S CLOSE

Christmas Eve, BBC Four

Mark Gatiss – that man again – wrote and directed this boring adaptation of an M.R. James ghost story about a 17^th century nobleman accused of murdering a young woman with learning difficulties. I admire Gatiss’ commitment to reviving the BBC’s Christmas tradition of supernatural yarns, but his efforts tend to be little more than fanboy homages. They lack the haunting impact of the adaptations he adores. RIP Jonathan Miller.

GAVIN & STACEY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Christmas Day, BBC One

There are few things worse than a reunion with people you didn’t much care for in the first place. This unnecessary comeback confirmed the wisdom of that stone-clad sitcom edict: don’t bother. Have Corden and Jones learned nothing from Only Fools and Horses and David Brent: Life On The Road? It’s a nice enough show, fairly well-observed, but leave it where it belongs: somewhat fondly remembered in the third tier.

TV Column: WORZEL GUMMIDGE + DOLLY PARTON: HERE I AM

This article was originally published in The Courier on 21st December 2019.

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/category/lifestyle/entertainment/tv-film/

NEXT WEEK’S TV

WORZEL GUMMIDGE

Boxing Day and Friday, BBC One, 6:20pm and 7pm

A labour of love for writer/director/star Mackenzie Crook, this adaptation of the evergreen children’s books is every bit as charming and funny as you’d expect from the man behind Detectorists. Early press photographs of Crook as the root vegetable-headed scarecrow made him look infinitely more unsettling than Jon Pertwee’s iteration, which is quite an achievement, but thankfully he’s turnip-sweet when you see him in action. Crook makes several wise decisions, such as not doing a Pertwee impersonation, making minimal concessions to the modern world, and basking, a la Detectorists, in gorgeous bucolic scenery scored to haunting English folk music. He’s also assembled a cast including Michael Palin, Steve Pemberton and Zoe Wannamaker. It all works.

HUGH GRANT: A LIFE ON SCREEN

Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

The global success of Four Weddings and a Funeral transformed Hugh Grant, at that point just a young jobbing actor with a background in Edinburgh Fringe comedy, into an overnight sensation. It also typecast him as a bumbling English charmer, which, as he readily admits in this enjoyable profile, was partly his own fault. In more recent years, however, he’s successfully severed ties with that image via critically-acclaimed roles such as Jeremy Thorpe in A Very English Scandal. He is, in fact, a fine character actor. Grant has a reputation for being quite irascible, but he’s on good form here as he rakes over the highs and lows of his career with, quelle surprise, lashings of wry self-deprecation.

DOLLY PARTON: HERE I AM

Christmas Day, BBC Two, 8:30pm

When Dolly Parton settled upon her image as a pulchritudinous backwoods Barbie, she created a sly form of self-parody that’s always been controlled on her own terms. This sturdy 90-minute documentary ventures beyond that façade to highlight her considerable gifts as a singer-songwriter. Parton is a funny woman who takes her craft seriously. With characteristic wit and wisdom, she looks back over her storeyed career, which began in the 1960s when, as a determined young woman in a male-dominated industry, she smuggled feminism into the conservative Country charts. Superstardom beckoned. This saga of uncompromising self-realisation features insight from musicologists, collaborators and famous friends such as Jane Fonda. It also boasts a stunning array of wigs.

PADDINGTON: THE MAN BEHIND THE BEAR

Boxing Day, BBC Two, 9pm

Michael Bond was an unassuming genius whose stories about a hapless little Peruvian bear have brought pleasure to millions. Hosted by Hugh Bonneville, this cockle-warming documentary reveals how Paddington came to be. While serving during WWII, Bond was haunted by the sight of starving Jewish refugees packed into a boat. Meanwhile, back in England, his parents welcomed Jewish children into their home. Bond later resided in Notting Hill, where he witnessed first-hand the racism endured by the Windrush generation. It’s not much of a stretch to view Paddington as an embodiment of Bond’s compassion for displaced immigrants. Contributors include Bernard Cribbins, Stephen Fry and that beacon of tolerance Jeremy Clarkson, whose parents manufactured a successful range of Paddington toys in the 1970s.

LAST WEEK’S TV

ROD STEWART: REEL STORIES

Saturday 14th, BBC Two

During this informal interview with Rod, Dermot O’Leary cued up various archive clips of the once-great artist in action. As he raked over his past, Rod’s natural ebullience was tinged with a pang of wistfulness he doesn’t usually reveal in public. He was clearly quite moved at times. Rod would never admit this himself, but I do think he knows that he squandered his talent.

A MERRY TUDOR CHRISTMAS WITH LUCY WORSLEY

Friday 20th, BBC Two

In which the chummy historian cleaved to her tried and tested formula of whisking us back in time while dressing up in period garb. Her mission on this occasion was to recapture the broiling stew of sights, tastes and smells of a traditional Christmas during the Tudor era. The tone was even more light-hearted than usual, but given the time of year that’s to be forgiven.

TV Column: RESPONSIBLE CHILD + THE DIRTY WAR ON THE NHS

This article was originally published in The Courier on 14th December 2019.

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/category/lifestyle/entertainment/tv-film/

NEXT WEEK’S TV

RESPONSIBLE CHILD

Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

Based on a true story, this riveting standalone drama follows a twelve-year-old boy, Ray, as he stands accused of the brutal murder of his stepfather. Ray (a haunting performance from newcomer Billy Barratt) is a bright, shy, sensitive child from an abusive family background. The details of his alleged crime are gradually revealed via fraught flashbacks. Meanwhile, his dedicated defence team mount their case. Criminal law in England and Wales decrees that children as young as ten are fit to stand trial in an adult court. Responsible Child probes deeply into the stark ramifications of that law. Etched in nauseating shades of anguished verisimilitude, it’s a compassionate piece in the Ken Loach vein. It will linger.

STICKS AND STONES

Monday to Wednesday, STV, 9pm

When a successful businessman botches a crucial sales pitch through no fault of his own, his colleagues start to bully him. Bullying in the workplace is a serious issue, but the well-intentioned message behind this three-part drama from Doctor Foster creator Mike Bartlett is fatally undermined by sledgehammer writing. It’s utterly ridiculous. The victim’s tormentors are one-dimensional pantomime villains, their cruel behaviour is absurdly blatant. In real life they’d be more insidious, that’s how bullying among adults tends to work. Bartlett presumably knows this, but subtlety has never been his strong point. Sticks and Stones is a missed opportunity, a drama with its heart in the right place but with a big fat foot in its mouth.

THE GALAXY BRITAIN BUILT: THE BRITISH FORCE BEHIND STAR WARS

Monday, BBC Four, 9:30pm

Now this is rather lovely. Star Wars, as we know, was a game-changing Hollywood blockbuster, but it would never have existed or thrived without the efforts of talented British artisans. To illustrate that point, affable broadcaster David Whiteley, a lifelong Star Wars fan, meets some of those now elderly producers and design pioneers. It’s a thorough excavation of a project that was regarded as an utter oddity, an expensive folly, at the time, but which turned out to be something quite special. One is left with the abiding impression that George Lucas was/is a bit of a weirdo who hit upon some good ideas, none of which would’ve been realised without major professional assistance. Either way, it worked.

THE DIRTY WAR ON THE NHS

Tuesday, STV, 11:05pm

The great investigative journalist John Pilger must’ve spat a fountain of feathers when informed that his report on Boris Johnson’s plans for the NHS was to be buried in a graveyard slot after the election. This, we're told, is officially due to broadcasting rules of impartiality during a G.E. campaign. Yeah, right. Full disclosure: I haven’t actually seen the programme, as it wasn't available for preview at the time of writing, but this is how Pilger describes it: “The NHS today is under threat of being sold off and converted to a free market model inspired by America's disastrous health insurance system, which results in the death every year of an estimated 45,000 people. Now President Trump says the NHS is ‘on the table’ in any future trade deal with America.”

LAST WEEK’S TV

ELIZABETH IS MISSING

Sunday 8th December, BBC One

The last time we saw the seemingly retired Thesp and former Labour MP Glenda Jackson on TV was either via Morecambe and Wise repeats or on Newsnight. So it was a rare pleasure to be reminded of what a great actor she is in Elizabeth is Missing, a beautifully-written, gut-punching drama in which she played an octogenarian with Alzheimer’s. This was the sort of role for which grandstanding, BAFTA-hungry actors were born to inhabit with the utmost faux-humility, but Jackson is better than that. Her vanity-free performance as Maude was utterly convincing, tender and true. Actually magnificent. Maude’s life is all our lives. We love, we laugh, we cry, we frail away and die. Alzheimer’s is a devastating disease, we must never, ever ignore or misunderstand it. These people aren’t invisible. Take care of each other, will you?

TV Column: THE CASE OF SALLY CHALLEN + LUCY WORSLEY'S CHRISTMAS CAROL ODYSSEY

This article was originally published in The Courier on 7th December 2019.

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/category/lifestyle/entertainment/tv-film/

NEXT WEEK’S TV

THE CASE OF SALLY CHALLEN

Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

In 2011, Sally Challen was convicted of murdering her husband, Richard. Earlier this year, following a landmark legal campaign, her conviction was quashed. This engrossing and fiercely important documentary allows Sally, plus her supportive friends and family, to tell their story. To the outside world, she appeared to be a happy wife and mother. So why did she bludgeon her husband of 31 years to death? Behind closed doors, Richard was a cruel, vicious bully who subjected his vulnerable wife to decades of extreme psychological abuse. This wasn’t widely known at the time of her conviction, as she was still suffering from the undiagnosed disorientating effects of his coercive control. That horrific form of control is now legally recognised as domestic violence.

LUCY WORSLEY’S CHRISTMAS CAROL ODYSSEY

Monday, BBC Four, 9pm

Here’s something to take your anguished mind off the General Election results: a typically engaging essay from that always welcome font of knowledge, Lucy Worsley, in which she traces the eventful history of our most cherished Christmas carols. Wassailing fertility rituals rooted in Paganism, jolly carols regarded with contempt by those party-loving Puritans, and the fascinating story of Silent Night, which began life as an egalitarian folk song, are all grist to Worsley’s mill. Only the most curmudgeonly bah humbug bore would deny the magic of these cockle-warming songs. They’re embedded within our collective consciousness for good reason: they exist purely to make us feel happy, if only for a few precious weeks each year. Five! Gold! Rings!

GEORGE CLARKE’S AMAZING SPACES

Tuesday, Channel 4, 9pm

In this wintry edition of his ongoing nose around magical residences you’ll never live in, the desperately enthusiastic Clarke - a blandly pleasant Sunderland man who increasingly resembles Alan Titchmarsh forced to present at gunpoint - parks his Parka-clad frame in Finland. His mission: to see the Northern Lights. He and his genial ‘scripted legend banter’ companion eventually see them, of course, but not before they visit various aesthetically-pleasing, renewably-energised, precision-made cabins, house-pods and sweltering wood-panelled saunas (followed by dips into icy lakes): all testaments to the genius of ethical Scandinavian design, architecture and their culture in general. Those cats are way ahead over there. Let’s all move to Finland, folks.

VIC & BOB’S BIG NIGHT OUT

Wednesday, BBC Four, 10pm

No matter what happens this week in the (sigh) real world, we’ll always have Vic and Bob mucking about as a source of defiantly silly comfort. They’re an eternal force for good, something to be proud of. Episode three, their latest gift to the nation, involves Vic revealing the secrets of beatboxing, Bob introducing a handsome new train driver wig, another powerful anti-capitalist free-running protest, and more trad gags than you can honk a horn at. Eavesdropping on these daft old friends is such a lovely luxury. Whenever they giggle at each other, the effect is contagious. This isn’t an exercise in nostalgia, it’s two undiminished comic greats buoyed by layers of warmth developed over decades.

LAST WEEK’S TV

THE HIT LIST

Saturday 30th November, BBC One

This shiny floor pop quiz couldn’t be simpler: members of the GBP answer questions in the hope of winning £10,000. That’s it. That’s all it needs to be. Viewers can play along at home and, in time honoured style, shout at the contestants. Last week’s show featured two utter fools who claimed the Beatles are overrated, which is – FACT - the single most boring contrary opinion anyone can ever have about popular music.

MICHAEL McINTYRE’S BIG SHOW

Saturday 30th November, BBC One

Michael McIntyre was placed on Earth for one reason only: to host harmlessly brash Saturday night light entertainment extravaganzas on BBC One. In case you’ve ever wondered, it’s what he’s for. His Big Show is worth it if only for the pleasing image it conjures of a furious Noel Edmonds watching at home and claiming it wouldn’t exist without him.

SEAMUS HEANEY AND THE MUSIC OF WHAT HAPPENS

Saturday 30th November, BBC Two

The BBC has recently received an avalanche of criticism for its appallingly blatant pro-Tory news coverage, but the fact that it broadcast this lyrical Arena profile of the great Irish poet on the same night as its usual populist flotsam briefly reinstated my fundamental – if sorely tested – support for that maddening institution. It symbolised everything the BBC should be: a premium broadcaster catering to all tastes.

TV Column: GROWING UP POOR: BRITAIN'S BREADLINE KIDS

This article was originally published in The Courier on 30th November 2019.

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/category/lifestyle/entertainment/tv-film/

NEXT WEEK’S TV

GROWING UP POOR: BRITAIN’S BREADLINE KIDS

Monday, Channel 4, 10pm

As we inch ever closer to the most important General Election in years, Channel 4’s Dispatches team present this vital, devastating report on poverty. More than four million British children are growing up hungry. Unforeseen circumstances can send families into tailspin. We meet a mother of two who was forced into emergency accommodation after fleeing from an abusive partner. She’s struggling to support her kids via the catastrophic Universal Credit system. They couldn’t survive without access to one of the many food banks that exist in this great unequal nation of ours. No one should have to live like that. Meanwhile, a depressed teenager who lives with her family in sheltered accommodation struggles with suicidal thoughts. Watch and weep.

HOW TO SAVE £1000 ONLINE

Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm

Hey, we all love shopping, right? Of course we do! But did you know that online retailers use mendacious techniques to strip you of your hard-earned cash? Don’t worry, though, as here come a pair of breezy experts to tell you how to avoid being ripped off. The immediate beneficiaries of their valuable teachings are two shopaholic families who waste thousands of pounds every year on expensive clothes and holidays. You’ll be forgiven for struggling to care about the overwhelming plight of these poor, beleaguered people. It beggars belief that Channel 4 would show this programme just 24 hours after the transmission of Growing Up Poor: Britain’s Breadline Kids, but I don’t suppose the contrast ever occurred to them.

MY GRANDPARENTS’ WAR

Wednesday, Channel 4, 9pm

As if to apologise for the previous evening’s blundering transgression, Channel 4 get back on track with part two of this compelling WWII history series. This week’s famous guide is anti-war campaigner and one of the world’s greatest living actors, Mark Rylance. His grandfather, Osmond, spent almost four years as a Japanese prisoner of war. A Hong Kong-based banker with no military experience, Osmond bravely joined a volunteer defence force in December 1941. On Christmas Day of that year he was shot and imprisoned. Rylance, who comes across as a lovely, sensitive soul, uncovers the moving story of a man who, like so many men who endured harrowing ordeals during the war, rarely spoke about it afterwards.

COUNTRY MUSIC: A FILM BY KEN BURNS

Friday, BBC Four, 9:30pm

Multi-award-winning documentarian Ken Burns is renowned for his epic accounts of American history. It was only a matter of time before he got around to country music, an ancient stream at the heart of the nation’s divided, complex culture. In episodes five and six he reaches the mid-1960s, a tumultuous era of change and revolt when certain preternaturally rebellious artists from the largely conservative world of country music commented sympathetically on current events. He focuses on Godlike feminist trailblazers Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton, indomitable human rights activist Johnny Cash, Fellini-inspired hippie cowboy Kris Kristofferson and the extraordinary African-American country singer Charley Pride. Country music prides itself on integrity: these guys are the ultimate bastions.

LAST WEEK’S TV

KILL YOUR TV: JIM MOIR’S WEIRD WORLD OF VIDEO ART

Sunday 24th November, BBC Four

If you’ve ever wondered where Jim Moir, aka Vic Reeves, gets his kerrazy ideas from, you only have to watch programmes such as this. Moir is an avant-garde artist who became a comedian by mistake. This documentary, in which he explored the colourful history of artists exploiting video technology for wild, subversive means, was probably the closest we’ll ever get to a mission statement from someone whose work defies logic.

MEAT: A THREAT TO OUR PLANET?

Monday 25th November, BBC One

Humans feast upon 65 billion animals a year. Scientific research has confirmed that meat production is one of the biggest causes of our environmental crisis. In this commendably grave and urgent documentary, animal biologist (and meat-eater) Liz Bonnin became increasingly horrified by her findings. She also provided some hope via rational solutions to the problem. Remember rational solutions? How quaint.

THE MAN WHO SAW TOO MUCH

Wednesday 27th November, BBC One

Say what you like about Alan Yentob (I always do), but fair play to the man: his stark documentary about Boris Pahor, a 106-year-old survivor of the Nazi concentration camps, was riveting. Pahor spent time in Dachau, Bergen-Belsen and Natzweiler. The latter is rarely spoken about, despite being one of the most horrific camps of its kind. A powerful piece of television.

Television: HOME FREE + ANT & DEC'S DNA JOURNEY

This article was originally published in The Courier on 16th November 2019.

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/category/lifestyle/entertainment/tv-film/

NEXT WEEK’S TV

HOME FREE

Monday, Channel 4, 10pm

In this tender new series, a group of young people with learning disabilities are given the opportunity to live independently for the first time. They’re sharing a purpose-built apartment block as part of a progressive scheme funded by local health authorities. Participants include Anna and Joe, who have Down’s syndrome. They’re about to share a bed after being in a relationship for several years. The programme also features candid contributions from proud, supportive yet tearfully concerned parents, all of whom realise that, despite their fears, their children deserve to experience this rite of passage. As one of the young residents observes, they’re able people who just need a bit of extra support to take control of their own futures.

24 HOURS IN A&E

Monday, Channel 4, 9pm

I know, of course, that this long-running series can at first glance be easily dismissed as a rubbernecking voyeur’s delight, but anyone who’s taken time to actually watch it knows it’s a sensitive, responsible and quietly profound piece of beautifully made television. A nurse sums it up in the intro: “You see people from every thread of life, and it makes you realise that our common humanity far outweighs any differences.” The latest series commences with a broken-legged Bulgarian teenager and his adoring mother, a wrist-sprained bra-fitter, and a severely dehydrated pregnant woman. 24 Hours in A&E is a celebration of humanity, a compassionate character study. Life is precious. Look after each other, please, and may your God bless the NHS. 

BOOM, BUST & BANKERS

Tuesday, Channel 4, 9pm

I urge you to watch this chilling documentary about the government-backed redevelopment of Broadgate. That vast, oppressive banking complex, that toxic monument to rampant capitalism, was once the thrusting epicentre of Thatcher’s free market revolution. Vive le banks! You know what happened next. Broadgate is still a financial hub, but in order to keep it afloat it needs to branch out. Enter a new generation of champagne-quaffing toffs who just can’t wait to transform it into an elite leisure hub for the very worst people in the world. They’re contrasted with the security staff, engineers and minimum-wage migrant cleaners working 14-hour shifts to keep this repulsive symbol of inequality alive. An eloquent blast of utter disgust.   

WHAT MAKES A MURDERER

Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

John Massey is Britain’s longest serving convicted murderer. In 1975, he shot and killed a bouncer. A cold-blooded premediated attack, declared the judge. Massey, who was released on parole last year, disagrees. He’s the first guinea pig in a series based on the findings of scientists who believe that certain biological traits make some people more likely to kill. Criminal experts place him under a battery of tests to determine whether neural and environmental abnormalities caused him to commit his crime. “I’m as curious as you are to find out,” says Massey, a bitter, angry, damaged man who attempted to escape from prison on three occasions. My expert conclusion: a broiling psychological stew of risibly self-evident analysis masquerading as mind-blowing insight.

WOULD I LIE TO YOU?

Friday, BBC One, 9:30pm

Let joy be unconfined: Bob Mortimer, the world’s funniest living human, has returned to the only comedy panel show worth watching. I detest most TV panel shows, they’re cheap, lazy vessels of weakly satirical/whimsical pointlessness (please put Mock The Week, Q.I. and the unforgivably Boris Johnson-enabling Have I Got News For You? out of their moribund misery), but Would I Lie To You? is an often hilarious source of spontaneously silly comfort. It exists only to entertain, especially when Bob is on board. This week he tries to convince the panel that he once commanded a daring heist on a campsite tuckshop. As always, you never can tell with Bob. He’s a liar you can rely on.

LAST WEEK’S TV

ANT & DEC’S DNA JOURNEY

Sunday 10 to Monday 11 November, STV

I like Ant and Dec. I don’t watch Saturday Night Takeaway, obviously, it’s an unbearably shrill light entertainment version of Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music, but I’m rather fond of its presenters. Two bright, funny friends, effortlessly comfortable in each other’s company, the apotheosis of their simple craft can be found in the semi-adlibbed links which brighten uneventful episodes of I’m A Celebrity.

This adequately pleasant Who Do You Think You Are-style forage – delayed by two years due to Ant’s personal problems – reintroduced their seemingly unstoppable brand, just in time for the latest series of jungle mayhem.

Important caveat: at the time of writing this, dear reader, the press were only granted preview access to episode one, during which Ant/Dec spent most of their time eating biscuits in extended family kitchens. If, in episode two, Ant/Dec discovered that they were distant yet direct bloodline relatives of, not only each other, but Isambard Kingdom Brunel, then you will forgive the lack of excitement on my part.

TV Column: GOLD DIGGER + HIS DARK MATERIALS

A version of this article was originally published in The Courier on 9th November 2019.

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/category/lifestyle/entertainment/tv-film/

NEXT WEEK’S TV

GOLD DIGGER

Tuesday, BBC One, 9pm

When Julia (Julia Ormond), a lonely divorcee and mother of three, turns 60, she books herself into a swanky London hotel. While pottering around an art gallery, she bumps into a handsome young man. Sparks fly and before you know it, she’s introducing this mysterious stranger to her understandably sceptical children (Julia is beautiful, but she’s also rich). Are they right to doubt him? Julia’s eldest son, Patrick, suffers from childhood flashbacks which suggest that history may be repeating itself in some sinister way. Gold Digger is an enjoyably melodramatic potboiler buoyed by a sensitive performance from Ormond and a standout turn from Sebastian Armesto as Patrick, who comes across as a knife-edge hybrid of Michael Shannon and Reece Shearsmith.

GARY LINEKER: MY GRANDDAD’S WAR

Monday, BBC One, 9pm

Gary Winston Lineker’s granddad, who is no longer with us, served in the British army during World War Two. He was part of a platoon informally known, with the utmost disrespect and unfairness, as ‘D-Day Dodgers’. In this Who Do You Think You Are?-esque programme, football’s numero uno left-wing groovy nice guy announces, “They haven’t had the credit they deserve, and if I can make a slight difference to that, that will make me feel proud.” Stanley Abbs served as a member of the Royal Army Medical Corps during the vital WW2 Italian campaign. Gary, with Stanley’s detailed war diary in hand, mounts a powerful case in favour of the contribution they made to the war effort.

THE YOUNG OFFENDERS

Monday, BBC One, 11:35pm

Gawd, please, spare us from these try-hard, frantically-edited edge-coms about loveable recidivists. Trainspotting erupted 23 years ago, we should’ve got over it by now. Young Offenders follows two teenagers from Cork as they attempt, for a potentially lucrative bet, to stay on the straight and narrow. Their greasy, shaved mushroom haircuts are supposedly a joke in themselves, a lazy stab at instant iconography. The people behind this utterly charmless, witless rubbish presumably won a barely applied-for competition. I’m only recommending it as an example of how not to write a sitcom. We all deserve better than this.

CLIMATEGATE: SCIENCE OF A SCANDAL

Thursday, BBC Four, 9pm

The cataclysmic effects of global warming are an actual fact, as all rational people agree. Ten years ago, however, a cabal of climate change deniers hacked into the emails of several leading scientists with the express purpose of distorting and misrepresenting their views: an insidious campaign of damaging misinformation. Donald Trump fully got behind those spurious findings. Of course he did. Fake news only suits Trump when it plumps up his cushions of malodorous self-interest. This grave, intense, jaw-dropping documentary gathers together many of the scientists who were supposedly exposed during that concerted barrage of lies. These people actually received death threats. Good luck, humanity. Tune in, grit your teeth and weep.

LAST WEEK’S TV

HIS DARK MATERIALS

Sunday 3rd November, BBC One

This adaptation of Philip Pullman’s richly acclaimed fantasy novels (which I haven’t read) began with a patience-testing volley of clunky exposition. Writer Jack Thorne had a lot to get through in terms of world-building, but he appeared to be overwhelmed by the task at hand.

Thorne failed to establish any reason to invest in the relationship between Lyra, the 12-year-old protagonist, and her maverick uncle (James McAvoy), a relationship which must surely be crucial to the saga’s appeal.

Lyra, though capably performed by Dafne Keen, came across as Just Another Kid in an expensively oak-panelled fantasia haunted by familiar British character actors.

Fairly impressive production design and seamlessly integrated CGI animals are all very well, but episode one was little more than a poorly paced, fatally muddled compendium of portentous proclamations. Thin gruel on an epic scale.

INSIDE THE SUPERMARKET

Thursday 7th November, BBC Two

Meanwhile, back in the real world, this series wandered the aisles of Sainsbury’s during a challenging year in which it celebrated its 150^th birthday. We met busy shop floor staffers and cappuccino-quaffing execs as they struggled to overcome increasing competition from their rivals. The black cloud of Brexit loomed large: panicky, cash-strapped consumers fled to M&S and Waitrose instead. 

One day, in the far-distant future, an alien race may discover an ash-covered tape of this programme, the last remaining trace of our existence, and wonder what the point of it all was.

TV Preview: RICH HALL'S RED MENACE + THE END OF THE F***ING WORLD

This article was originally published in The Courier on 2nd November 2019.

https://www.thecourier.co.uk/category/lifestyle/entertainment/tv-film/

NEXT WEEK’S TV

RICH HALL’S RED MENACE

Tuesday, BBC Four, 9pm

It’s always a treat whenever the lugubrious Hall pops up to present another one of his feature-length history lessons shot through the prism of popular culture. This one, which is part of a series of programmes commemorating the 30th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall (see below), recounts the bizarre, sinister saga of the Cold War. Steeped in archive footage and assiduous research, it’s a typically droll, myth-busting essay in which Hall explores decades of anti-Communist hysteria and nuclear panic. While cowering from the insanity of Mutually Assured Destruction, the vast majority of ordinary Americans learned about the Red Menace via films, television and comic books. Meanwhile, ordinary Soviets endured a drab life of toil. As Hall observes, they were too exhausted to even think about invading America.

A BRITISH GUIDE TO THE END OF THE WORLD

Monday, BBC Four, 9pm

This chilling Arena documentary examines the extent of Britain’s nuclear ambitions and preparations for attack during the Cold War. It eschews conventional narration in favour of horrifically vivid testimonies from some of the people directly affected by these plans, including soldiers involved in Britain’s first major nuclear weapons test. As one man recalls, “It actually turned out there were birds on fire… hundreds of them burning. A lot of them were still alive, and blind.” Many soldiers got cancer as a direct result of the tests: “They sent us to that island to suffer the effects.” We also hear from civil servants who were responsible for making emergency plans in the seemingly inevitable event of nuclear war. Essential viewing.

THE FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL WITH JOHN SIMPSON

Thursday, BBC Four, 9pm

In this ruminative programme, senior BBC News journalist John Simpson exhumes his frontline reports on what he describes as “one of the great days of modern human existence”. With typical journalistic rigour, he wants to analyse the accuracy of his reporting of history. After all, things didn’t work out quite as he expected them to. Like all of us who lived through that terrifying epoch, Simpson assumed that the world could end at any moment. So no wonder the demolition of the Iron Curtain was a cause for celebration. Today, however, Russia and the West are still at loggerheads. It’s an insightful unravelling of a complex saga, overseen by a man who’s actually encountered the likes of Gorbachev and Putin.

THE END OF THE F***ING WORLD

Monday to Thursday, Channel 4, 10pm

Despite its title, this rather brilliant series has nothing to do with the above spate of Cold War documentaries. It’s a deadpan, David Lynch and Wes Anderson-influenced black comedy-drama about a pair of severely dysfunctional yet oddly likeable teenagers on a British Badlands-esque odyssey. As series two commences, we’re introduced to a troubled and vengeful young woman with connections to one of their (deserved) victims. Series one, which I loved, felt like a perfectly self-contained piece, a standalone blast of curious subversion, but writer Charlie Covell has hit upon an effective way of continuing the saga. As before, it somehow manages to combine hip post-modernism with a tender yet unsentimental depth of feeling. Quite an achievement.

LAST WEEK’S TV

WESTWOOD: PUNK. ICON. ACTIVIST

Saturday October 26, BBC Two

Artful and unorthodox, this hugely enjoyable profile of fashion legend Vivienne Westwood struck precisely the right note. A lifelong rebel, distrustful of received wisdom, she came across as a reluctant interviewee. Bored of talking about her life and legacy, at one point she sighed, “But you need this, so I’ll tell you.” Her refusal to play nicely was part of the film’s charm. She was grumpy, funny, generous, unpretentious and eccentric all at once. A rounded human being, no less.