JOE LYCETT vs DAVID BECKHAM: A GOT YOUR BACK CHRISTMAS SPECIAL | VIENNA BLOOD | STACEY SOLOMON'S CRAFTY CHRISTMAS

This article was originally published in The Courier on 10th December 2022. 

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Joe Lycett vs David Beckham: A Got Your Back Christmas Special – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

The comedian Joe Lycett is rightly renowned for his politically motivated stunts, all of which are dedicated to highlighting social injustice to varying degrees, but he made more headlines than ever before with his recent ultimatum to that supposed ambassador for LGBTQ+ rights, David Beckham. 

The superstar footballer accepted a multimillion pound sponsorship deal with the Qatar World Cup. Homosexuality is illegal in Qatar. Lycett promised to donate £10,000 to LGBTQ+ charities if Beckham pulled out of the deal. If not? He’d shred the money. 

This documentary follows Lycett as he makes a considered stand against bigotry and hypocrisy. His actions raised awareness of a vital human rights issue and angered/confounded all the right people. Mission accomplished.

The Disappearance of April Jones – Monday to Wednesday, Channel 4, 9pm

Ten years ago, five-year-old April Jones went missing from outside her home in a quiet Welsh market town. 

This three-part series chronicles Britain’s largest ever police search. It was made with the cooperation of April’s family, alongside their local community and constabulary, so please rest assured: this isn’t a prurient true-crime enterprise told from afar. It’s handled with care. 

Episode one focuses on the day April disappeared. The subsequent news coverage encouraged people from all over the UK to assist the police in their enquiries. 

It gradually transpired that this horrific crime was perpetrated, not by a random stranger, but by someone who lived in the town. The shock and despair is palpable.

Undercover: Sexual Harassment – The Truth – Monday, Channel 4, 10pm

In this documentary, reporter Ellie Flynn poses undercover as a drunk young woman separated from her friends during a fun night out in the centre of town. Her goal: to expose the heinous reality of sexual harassment against women in Britain today. 

Flynn also poses online as her eighteen-year-old self, to illustrate the torrent of graphic messages and images that women receive from predatory men. She eventually confronts them. Why are they doing this? Why do they think it’s acceptable? 

The programme also features candid testimonies from women whose lives have been utterly devastated by sexual harassment and abuse. Preview copies weren’t available, but this sounds like an important, urgent and disturbing piece of work.

Vienna Blood – Wednesday, BBC Two, 9pm

Adapted from the popular novels by clinical psychologist Frank Tarris, Vienna Blood is a fairly solid thriller set in early 20^th Century Vienna. Now in its third series, you may have caught it before. 

The latest batch of adventures begins with Freud apostle Max (Matthew Beard) and senior Detective Oskar (Jürgen Maurer) investigating the murder of a young seamstress. They end up mired in an unfamiliar world of luxury and glamour, beneath which – wouldn’t you know it? – lurks a seedy subculture of exploitation, violence and corruption. 

Beard and Maurer make for a watchable addition to TV’s never-ending pantheon of clue-sniffing duos. Their odd couple chemistry is quite pleasing, and the psychological sub-current adds a certain frisson.

Children of the Taliban – Wednesday, Channel 4, 11:05pm

Shoukria and Arezo are young girls growing up in Taliban-ruled Kabul. They both lost their fathers during the war in Afghanistan. They’re illustrative of the hundreds of thousands of Afghan children who have to work to support their families under a brutal totalitarian regime. 

This documentary examines their plight. It also introduces us to Abdullah and Ehsanullah, who are the sons of high-ranking Taliban members. They live in different worlds, and yet these boys and girls have certain things in common. 

Channel 4 receives a lot of stick, and quite right too, but I cannot fault its commitment to documentaries of this particular nature. It’s not all Naked Attraction, y’know. It does produce some work of actual value.

Stacey Solomon’s Crafty Christmas – Thursday, BBC One, 8pm

All good people agree that Stacey Solomon is a splendid human being. Why, she’s the nation’s sweetheart™. 

In this typically cheery spin-off from her regular Sort Your Life Out gig, Stacey and her hapless, harmless husband Joe Swash share various ingenious homemade ways of brightening up your festive season without having to spend much money. Their kids gets involved too. 

They upcycle some knackered old Christmas decorations, bake an inexpensive cake, and rustle up some personalised crackers. Stacey also transforms a neighbouring barn into a glittering Christmas party destination. 

I’m loath to recommend lifestyle programmes during these direly straitened times, but Stacey has her heart in exactly the right place: make no mistake, she’s the anti-Kirstie Allsopp.

Celebrity Gogglebox 2022 – Friday, Channel 4, 9pm

When Gogglebox first wriggled its way onto our screens in 2013, I instinctively took against it. People watching television and passing critical comment? That’s my job! Who the ever-loving heck do these people think they are?! 

Reader, I’m a fool. A judgemental kneejerk snob. I’ve grown fond of this format over the years, it’s a comforting presence. A fun distraction. So while I’m no devotee, I do enjoy catching up with it from time to time. 

This special edition compiles some of the highlights from 2022’s celebrity spin-off. Our sofa-bound guests include Bill Bailey, Joanna Lumley, Oti Mabuse, Fred Siriex, the aforementioned Stacey Solomon, and that bumbling Madchester comedy duo Shaun Ryder and Bez.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Trailblazers: A Rocky Mountain Road Trip – Monday 5th December, BBC Two

In the penultimate episode of this travelogue, Emily Atack, Melanie Brown and Ruby Wax continued to trek in the footsteps of Victorian explorer Isabella Bird. 

No one will ever mistake Trailblazers for a particularly in-depth enterprise, but that’s not the fault of the evidently sincere presenters. Within the standardised TV restrictions placed upon it, the series does manage to educate and entertain. 

One gets the impression, however, that lead guide Wax in particular would’ve made a different programme if left to her own devices. 

Still, she managed to cut through the light-hearted exterior to express some thoughtful critiques of the American Dream, and the sequence devoted to the appalling discrimination endured by generations of Native Americans was sensitively handled.

Agatha Christie: Lucy Worsley on the Mystery Queen – Friday 9th December, BBC Two

Worsley concluded her latest essay in typically engaging and ruminative style. 

I take issue (yes, actual issue) with those who blithely criticise Worsley for her alleged failings: she’s a whimsical populist, bleat the naysayers, she looks like she’s having far too much fun. History is a serious business. 

Well, anyone who’s ever bothered to watch her best work, and this series was a fine example, will be aware that her wry sense of humour operates in tandem with a rigorous devotion to subverting received wisdom. She’s irreverent, sincere, insightful and persuasive.

TV Review: DAVID BECKHAM INTO THE UNKNOWN and STREET KID WORLD CUP

This article was originally published in The Courier on 14th June 2014.

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/lifestyle

David Beckham Into the Unknown: Monday, BBC One

Street Kid World Cup: Tuesday and Wednesday, BBC Three

Paul Whitelaw

For the last 22 years, David Beckham has fulfilled a clearly defined professional role. His job was to play football and pose in his underwear for vast sums of money. A simple, straightforward vocation, and one he maintained with admirable professionalism.

No one expected him to be amusing or interesting in real life, which is why he never disappointed when required to open his mouth. Like most top athletes, he was dull, dependable and uncomplicated.

Unfortunately, these attributes are more problematic when the athlete in question is required to front a TV show. In David Beckham Into the Unknown, his crushing lack of charisma created a central void of no escape. For 90 tedious minutes, this unexceptional ball-dribbler scuppered his chances of forging a second career as an Alan Whicker/Michael Palin-style travelogue presenter.

He probably won't lose sleep over this squandered opportunity, as I doubt it was high on his list of priorities. But you have to question the logic of commissioning the programme in the first place. Who thought this was a good idea?

Beckham evidently enjoyed his trip down the Amazon, and who are we to begrudge him the experience? But in order for a travelogue to work successfully, the presenter must be capable of providing insight into the culture they're investigating. Beckham was far too wrapped up in banal self-analysis: “Why did I have to come all this way to be able to think?” I dunno, but at least it's a start.

Director Anthony Mandler attempted to inject some depth into proceedings with the recurring theme of Beckham's global celebrity. Although quick to point out that he always had time for the fans, the multimillionaire superstar frequently expressed frustration at being recognised wherever he went. This trip, he argued, was an attempt to become anonymous for the first time in years. When he eventually encountered a group of Brazilians who didn't know who he was, he claimed to be delighted. Well, good for you, David. Remind me why I should care again?

That may sound harsh, but it's hard to feel much sympathy for a celebrity who tries to escape the limelight via a feature-length documentary about themselves. Complete with cameos from his adoring wife and children, this was an extended PR exercise for the powerhouse Beckham brand. He's obviously a decent soul, so objecting to his presence would be like smacking a one-eyed teddy bear. But the Beckhams are no fools: this was just another example of their canny knack for remaining in the public eye.

None of which would matter if the end product was entertaining. But much like Ewan MacGregor's bike-bound forays into similar territory, it was just a jolly boy's outing filmed and edited to a professional standard. Enjoy your retirement, David. Please don't make any more TV programmes, there's a good lad.

Ironically, Street Kid World Cup was the sort of endeavour that Beckham would doubtless praise to the hilt. A two-part documentary, it followed a team of footballing teenage girls from London, all of whom had been raised in care.

They’d been chosen to represent England in Brazil, as part of the Street Child World Cup. Having never played football together prior to training, they faced a serious uphill struggle. The journey was even harder due to the sheer weight of emotional baggage they carried.

It was a heartening glimpse into the lives of vulnerable children for whom sport offers an invaluable lifeline.