THE GALLOWS POLE | CHANGING ENDS | OUR LIVES: MY HUSBAND THE MMA FIGHTER

This article was originally published in The Courier on 27th May 2023.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

The Gallows Pole – Wednesday, BBC Two, 9pm

The great Shane Meadows usually directs social realist dramas set in the present day or fairly recent past. The Gallows Pole marks his first foray into pre-20^th century history. 

A fictionalised account of a true story, it follows 18^th century working-class Yorkshireman David (Michael Socha) as he ignites a revolution. 

As you can imagine, this is not a typical period drama. Etched in shades of folk horror, it’s populated by characters who convince as actual human beings, they’re not carefully curated museum pieces. 

It bears all the usual hallmarks of Meadows’ work: naturalistic performances and semi-improvised dialogue combined with themes of social injustice, fraternal bonds, redemption, revenge and some understated comedy. 

It’s also a perfect showcase for Socha’s gruff, sad-eyed charisma.

Once Upon a Time in Northern Ireland – Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

Episode two of this engrossing Troubles documentary unfolds in early 1970s Belfast. It begins with Bloody Friday, an IRA attack during which nine people were killed. That tragedy drew support for the nascent Ulster Defence Association, a loyalist paramilitary group. 

Interviewees include former IRA and UDA members, who candidly reflect upon their younger selves and everything they once stood for. 

“I was in charge of guns when I was seventeen,” says one older man who came of age in a society divided by sectarian hatred and violence. “I have a granddaughter of seventeen, and I could not imagine handing her a gun. I could not imagine handing her anything other than a strawberry f***ing milkshake, to be honest. But anyway…”

A Paedophile in My Family: Surviving Dad – Wednesday, Channel 4, 9pm

Emily was sexually abused by her father for the first eighteen years of her life. In this intimate, powerful and deeply moving documentary, she tries to understand why her abuse remained unnoticed for so long. 

Emily wants to help other survivors. Her incredibly brave yet painful journey involves encounters with a clinical psychologist, the sympathetic police officers who investigated her case, and a restorative justice officer. Emily’s abusive father has recently been released from prison. There’s a part of her that wants to confront him. 

The programme culminates with a difficult, heart-breaking conversation between Emily and her loving mother. It’s marked by guilt, shame, anger and confusion. An important piece of television.

Changing Ends – Thursday, ITVX

There comes a time in every comedian’s life when they must devise a sweet-natured television series about their childhood. Now it’s Alan Carr’s turn. 

His dad was the manager of a fourth division Northampton football team, a vocation entirely at odds with little Alan’s gay and geeky world. He wasn’t ‘normal’ according to the homophobes who impinged upon his otherwise happy life, so he attempted to fit in by faking an interest in so-called manly pursuits. 

Changing Ends is charming. It’s a coming-of-age story set in less inclusive times, but the underlying message is positive. Carr, who occasionally appears as an in-vision narrator, has co-written it with love for his kind and supportive family.

Taskmaster – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

This column is a resolutely spoiler-free zone, so I obviously can’t go into any great detail about the latest thrilling Taskmaster grand finale. 

All I’m prepared to say is this: while dressed in the studio like Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, the five competitors – Frankie Boyle, Jenny Éclair, Ivo Graham, Kiell Smith-Bynoe and Mae Martin – unveil some bespoke Greg Davies merchandise while wrestling in the Taskmaster field with pint glasses, buckets, hoses, balloons, rubber bands and ice. 

Psychedelic feathered hats off to the deserved winner. But who will that be? I am, as you’ve presumably gathered, trying to create some suspense here. Taskmaster is a delightful distraction, it aims only to please.

Untold: The Secret World of Boy Racers – Thursday, Channel 4, 11:05pm

In this documentary, filmmaker Ben Zand embeds himself within the incredibly dangerous and irresponsible world of Britain’s underground car scene, a subculture in which young men race noisily souped-up cars along motorways in the dead of night. 

At the risk of sounding like Alan Partridge, they’re an absolute bunch of immature idiots with no thought for the consequences of their actions. All they care about is the fleeting futile thrill of it all. 

Zand meets someone who was left paralysed while traveling in a car with his adrenaline junkie driver. Two innocent bystanders died in that collision. “People” he laments, “don’t ever consider the severe impact of it going wrong until it’s too late.”

Our Lives: My Husband the MMA Fighter – Friday, BBC One, 7:30pm

Natalie is married to one of Scotland’s foremost cage fighters, Stevie ‘Braveheart’ Ray. 

This typically sensitive Our Lives documentary follows the Kirkcaldy-based couple and their four young children, one of whom is epileptic, as Stevie prepares for a potentially life-changing world title fight in New York. 

It’s been a tough year. As Natalie admits, she’s basically looked after the kids as a single parent while Stevie has been consumed by his training regime. 

Natalie and Stevie are nice, bright people. They reflect upon the necessary sacrifices they’ve made in the hope of Stevie setting the family up for life with a $1 million jackpot. A real-life Rocky love story, you’ll be rooting for ‘em throughout.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Reel Stories: Pet Shop Boys – Saturday 20th May, BBC Two

In the latest episode of this intermittent series, Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe settled into some plush cinema seats while watching archive clips of themselves. 

The duo’s memories were jogged by an 1980s BBC Breakfast Time report on Smash Hits – “I haven’t seen this since when it was on!” exclaimed former Smash Hits editor Tennant, who sounds uncannily like Steve Pemberton at times – and their very first TV appearance together. The boys were reliably lovely and amusing. 

They wouldn’t thank me for the compliment, but PSB are bona fide national treasures. 

The programme also afforded our preternaturally affable host Dermot O’Leary an opportunity to utter the phrase “Larkian lyrics” for the first, and presumably last, time in his career.

Strike: Inside the Unions – Thursday 25th May, BBC Two

Our dire cost of living crisis has resulted in the biggest wave of strikes this country has witnessed in decades. 

A probing two-part documentary, Strike: Inside the Unions follows national hero Mick Lynch and other prominent trade unionists as they campaign on behalf of our underpaid frontline workers. 

Lynch is a subversive character. Witty, erudite and entirely committed to his cause, he runs rings around politicians and journalists with blunt statements of inarguable fact. And you’re not supposed to do that. 

Episode one began with this caption: “The Government departments and many of the companies featured in this series declined to take part.” Why, it’s almost as if they have something to hide. Up the workers.

PAINTING BIRDS WITH JIM & NANCY MOIR | DEBORAH JAMES: BOWELBABE IN HER OWN WORDS | THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF A KOSHER MARRIAGE

This article was originally published in The Courier on 15th April 2023.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Painting Birds with Jim & Nancy Moir – Thursday, Sky Showcase, 8pm

Jim Moir, aka Vic Reeves, has combined his lifelong passion for drawing and painting with a love of birdwatching. 

In this tranquil new series, Jim and his wife Nancy travel around the more scenic parts of Britain in search of feathered treasure. It’s an absorbing celebration of creativity and the natural world. 

Jim is no dilettante, he’s a talented artist; each episode involves him painting a delicate portrait of the birds he spies along the way. His sweet relationship with Nancy is central to the show’s appeal, they’re easy-going company. 

Fans of Great Canal Journeys with Prunella Scales and Timothy West – as well as Gone Fishing with Jim’s erstwhile comedy partner Bob Mortimer – will find much to enjoy here.

Deborah James: Bowelbabe in Her Own Words – Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

Deborah James was diagnosed with incurable bowel cancer at the age of 35. Via podcasts, blogs and a hugely popular social media presence, she shared her story to raise awareness and reach out to people in a similar situation. 

This moving documentary, which was filmed during the last few months of her life in 2022, follows Deborah as she arranges her “death admin”. It’s an understandably difficult watch at times, especially towards the end, but Deborah’s frankness is to her eternal credit. 

She was funny, charming, articulate and always truthful about just how awful it is to live with cancer. Her Bowelbabe Fund for Cancer Research UK has so far raised more than £7 million. She made a difference.

First Dates – Monday, Channel 4, 10pm

The latest series of this romantic old warhorse commences with a father of three who can’t find someone to accommodate his somewhat complicated family commitments. 

We also spend time with an avid gamer who’d quite like to meet a fellow ‘geek’, a former holiday rep and fulltime dog lover, and an acting student who requires a similarly creative partner in her life. 

I haven’t seen this particular episode, preview copies weren’t available, but I’ll always flag up First Dates whenever space allows. 

If you’ve somehow never seen it before, well, it’s not what you might expect from a shamelessly contrived show in which we eavesdrop upon first daters in a restaurant. Voyeuristic, yes, but never cruel. A cute endeavour.

Manhunt: The Raoul Moat Story – Wednesday, STV, 9pm

Thirteen years ago, Raoul Moat from Tyneside embarked upon a killing spree. One of the biggest manhunts in British police history ensued. 

This grimly compelling documentary features interviews with police officers, journalists and, most importantly, family members of one of Moat’s victims, Christopher Brown. 

There’s no denying that programmes of this nature prey upon our discomfiting fascination with terrible crimes and the circumstances surrounding them, but this one is more tasteful than most. It does at least pay tribute to the people who lost their lives during those eight days of high alert. 

The Hunt for Raoul Moat, a three-part ITV drama based on the case, begins on Sunday 16th April. I’ll review that in next week’s column.

The Highs and Lows of a Kosher Marriage – Wednesday, BBC One, 10:40pm

This epistle from the Love, Faith and Me strand focuses on Saul and Shoshi, a happily married young couple who observe the strict laws of their Orthodox Jewish faith. They avoid all physical contact for twelve days of every month, when Shoshi has her period. The marital bed is separated to avoid temptation. 

The couple, who first met as teenagers, ruminate candidly about their devout faith and their struggle to conceive. 

They also gently disagree at times. Shoshi asserts that she already has a loving family with Saul, she’s content with what they have together, but he thinks there’s no such thing as a family without children. 

Like every episode of this series, it’s illuminating and non-judgemental.

Taskmaster – Thursday, Channel 4, 10:30pm

In this week’s crackerjack tumult of entertaining silliness, Kiell Smith-Bynoe is forced to play Bingo without any shoes on, Mae Martin treats us to an unorthodox drum solo, and the entire team of our professionally mirth-making contestants - Smith-Bynoe, Martin, Frankie Boyle, Jenny Éclair and Ivo Graham – are tasked with devising an ingenious egg-carrying boat race. 

Taskmaster is basically Heinz Wolff’s Great Egg Race – there’s a reference for the teenagers – with a more knowing cadence, and that’s precisely why it works. An endless streak of inventiveness and a whole load of nonsense unified in tandem for our entertainment. 

And your kids, if you have kids or find yourselves kid adjacent, will enjoy it too. Actual family fun.

Unreported World – Friday, Channel 4, 7:30pm

The latest episode of this current affairs stalwart involves investigative reporter Guillermo Galdos following Brazilian federal police officers as they crack down on illegal Amazonian gold mining. 

Brazil officially exports a hundred tonnes of gold each year, but evidence suggests that almost half of the country’s gold trade comes from illegal sources. This has raised serious concerns for tech companies using gold in their products. 

Galdos discovers that the police have spent the last two years building a case against gold traders suspected of selling their ill-gotten gains to tech giants such as Apple. He also travels deep into the Amazon rainforests to witness first-hand the huge amount of damage wrought by the illegal gold mining trade.

GET ON UP: THE TRIUMPH OF BLACK AMERICA | SUCCESSION | CELEBRITY HUNTED

This article was originally published in The Courier on 25th March 2023.  

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Get On Up: The Triumph of Black America – Thursday, BBC Two, 9pm

The British actor David Harewood has lived and worked in America for just over a decade. He’s witnessed first-hand the vast influence of African American culture on popular culture all around the world. 

In this insightful and uplifting two-part series, he pays tribute to several game-changing African American artists. 

It begins in the 1960s, the decade of his birth, when Sidney Poitier and Motown crossed over into the mainstream. Pioneers, they challenged racist stereotypes with their talent, dignity, elegance and tacitly political defiance. They made a difference. 

Harewood also delves into the uncompromising artistry of 1970s Blaxploitation cinema and speaks to actor Jon Amos, who played the adult Kunta Kinte in that landmark TV miniseries Roots.

Succession – Monday, Sky Atlantic, 9pm

So here it is, the fourth and final series of Succession. This scabrous saga is almost over. We’ll miss these compellingly awful people when they’re gone. 

I don’t have access to preview copies, as they are at present buried in a secret lead-lined desert vault owned by Logan Roy, so all I can tell you is this: media conglomerate Waystar Royco is still on the verge of being bought up by a rival tech billionaire. Naturally, this triggers all-out war among the grasping ranks of the Roy dynasty. 

Succession is a bleakly amusing and all too convincing study of the filthy rich villains who corrode our planet. It is, like all great satire, fuelled by anger and despair.  

Bear Grylls Meets President Zelenskyy – Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm

Grylls may seem like an odd choice of host for a documentary about Volodymyr Zelenskyy, but he was actually invited to participate by the Ukrainian President himself. And he does a pretty good job. 

Mercifully, he doesn’t treat his three tense days in Ukraine like one of his usual action man survival missions. This is a sombre and respectful journey into the heart of a country living under the constant threat of missile attacks. 

Prior to his thoughtful encounter with the commander in chief, Grylls talks to several ordinary Ukrainian citizens who explain what life is like for them on a daily basis. Despite the enormous hardships they’ve been forced to endure, they – and their elected leader – remain defiant.

This World: Murder in Mayfair – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

In 2008, Norwegian student Martine Vik Magnussen was murdered at her home near Mayfair in central London. The prime suspect is the son of one of Yemen’s richest men. He fled the UK before the police had a chance to question him. 

In this sensitive documentary, Yemeni-British BBC journalist Nawal Al-Maghafi tracks him down. Their telephone conversations are grim. What happened that night? And why hasn’t he made any attempt to contact the police? 

During the course of her investigation, Al-Maghafi also meets with Martine’s father, who has spent the last fourteen years campaigning for justice for his daughter. The BBC has, quite rightly, fallen under fire of late, but this is an exceptional piece of journalism.

Celebrity Hunted – Tuesday, Channel 4, 9pm

If you’ve seen Hunted before, then you know the frantic drill. But just in case: ten ersatz prison escapees – celebs in this iteration, as it’s all in aid of Stand Up to Cancer – go on the run while being tracked by an expert squad reading from a terribly laboured ‘quip-filled’ script. The fun side of state surveillance. 

Our fugitives have no money, phones or access to the internet. The ersatz authorities have just fourteen days to catch them. 

It’s a mildly entertaining exercise in which the comedians James Acaster and Ed Gamble effortlessly steal the show. They won’t split your sides, I’m sure, but you may find yourselves amused by their refusal to take the whole thing seriously. 

The Dog Academy – Thursday, Channel 4, 8pm

Fact: every television programme ever made would be instantly improved with dogs as its primary focus: I, Dog; Doctor Dog; Tales of the Unexpected Dog; Only Dogs and Dogs; Dog. I really could go on. 

So no wonder The Dog Academy is such a pleasing distraction. Various canine behavioural experts get to grips with their four-legged patient’s ailments while chatting to their vaguely troubled bipedal housemates. 

It’s basically a gentle session of relationship counselling, in which the ups and downs of human cohabitation are shown to have a direct impact on the animals we live with. Now, we already know that, but there’s no harm in providing a reminder. 

A good-natured show. And the pooches are delightful, obviously.

Taskmaster – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

The fifteenth series of this enjoyable breeze of concentrated silliness plays host to comedians Frankie Boyle, Jenny Éclair, Ivo Graham, Mae Martin and Kiell Smith-Bynoe. 

In episode one, they have to choreograph a silent disco wedding dance with chief Taskmaster Greg Davies’ co-conspirator Alex Horne. Will you be able to guess what songs they’re listening to on headphones? Well no, of course you won’t, but that’s all part of the fruitless fun. 

They’re also tasked with unwinding a ball of string against the clock, hooking as many rubber rings as possible while haphazardly steering a barge along a narrow canal and, in the final round, throwing bricks, balls and other alliterative items into large clay pots.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Challenge Anneka – Saturday 18th March, Channel 5 

A Saturday night staple in the late 1980s and early 1990s, Challenge Anneka lifted the nation’s spirits with its charitable against-the-clock endeavours. 

And now it’s back, with not one iota of the original format altered. Rice is even reunited with trusty Dave the cameraman. If it ain’t broke etc. 

In episode one, Rice was tasked with refurbishing a canine rescue farm. Reader, she succeeded. 

Rice is a natural broadcaster, an engaging pro, and if you can ignore the fact that television personalities shouldn’t have to support ailing charities and small businesses, then this revival will work its entirely well-meaning magic.

The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up to Cancer – Sunday 19th March, Channel 4

Channel 4’s annual Stand Up to Cancer campaign continued with this spin-off from one of its most popular ‘brands’. 

Round one involved Matt Lucas welcoming various celebs to the tent. Chief among them, of course, being David Schwimmer. Fellow contestant Jesy Nelson was under no illusions: “I know I won’t win it, I’m just here to see Ross from Friends!” 

I’ll never truly understand the appeal of this abundantly harmless series. It is, like Thursdays, New Order and the actor Martin Jarvis, something that’s objectively tolerable and inoffensive. Something that’s just there. But I’m not the target audience, it’s not for me. 

Now, The Great British Crisp Off, that’s a show I could get behind.

INSIDE MAN | MAKE ME PRIME MINISTER | TASKMASTER

This article was originally published in The Courier on 24th September 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Inside Man – Monday, BBC One, 9pm and Tuesday, BBC One, 9pm

Written by Steven Moffat of Doctor Who renown, this arresting new thriller is typically dark and audacious. Your charismatic co-stars are Stanley Tucci and David Tennant.

Tucci plays an erudite American death row inmate whose criminology background is frequently called upon by guilty establishment figures and curious journalists. Imagine Hannibal Lecter without the cannibalism. 

Meanwhile, way over yonder in a picture postcard English village, Tennant turns on the charm as an apparently groovy vicar. 

Moffat – an often dazzlingly bright and witty writer who revels in constructing puzzles – has a whole lot of fun subverting tropes he and we are fully aware of. 

The set-up is irresistible, it’s queasy, odd and unpredictable. Hopefully it all pays off.

Bad Chefs – Monday, ITV2, 9pm

Preview copies weren’t available for this new series, but it sounds like a passable way to while away some time. Apologies in advance if that’s not the case. 

It’s a reality show in which – so it says here – some ‘takeaway addicts’ are forced to ditch their apps and do some cooking from scratch. 

Now, I know what you’re (probably) thinking. That sounds potentially patronising. This is an ITV2 show after all. But let’s give it the benefit of the doubt. 

Maybe it will somehow turn out to be an uplifting show in which people, during this horrific cost of living crisis, discover how to cook decent, healthy meals on a reduced budget. Onwards and upwards, eh?

 Celebrity I Literally Just Told You – Monday, Channel 4, 10pm

A throwaway nugget of mildly diverting escapism, this Jimmy Carr-fronted gameshow revolves around a simple yet effective premise: the answers to every question are seeded by Carr’s links and whatever occurs during the various rounds (an industrious panel of backroom researchers type up questions as the show unfolds). 

Which means, in that time-honoured TV quiz tradition, you can play along at home. Just pay close attention to everything that’s said. 

The latest series kicks off with a charity fundraising sport-themed episode starring footballers John Barnes and Sue Smith, broadcaster and gymnast Gabby Logan, and football manager Harry Redknapp. 

Carr is in his element here, it’s the slick, vaguely Monkhouse-esque vehicle he’s always coveted.

Make Me Prime Minister – Tuesday, Channel 4, 9:15pm

Good grief. This Apprentice-style reality series is so woefully misjudged, it may trigger an actual revolution. 

The premise: twelve contestants, under the watchful gaze of celebrity politicos Alastair Campbell and Sayeeda Warsi, attempt to prove how much better they’d be than the Prime Ministers we’ve endured during the last 40–odd years. 

Two of those PMs – Blair and Cameron – occasionally crop up to issue advice. 

Now, I concede that perhaps I’m a laughably old-fashioned bore with deeply held moral convictions, but politics isn’t supposed to be entertaining. It’s not a game, the decisions these people make have a devastating impact on millions of lives. 

I urge you to watch it, though. You’ll be astonished and angered. It’s jaw-dropping.

Taskmaster – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

Glory be! Greg Davies and Alex Lowe have returned for another series of this absolutely charming load of old nonsense. 

You presumably know the score by now: a bunch of comedians have to complete a series of maddening, pointless tasks, most of which require a bit of ingenuity, cheating and chutzpah. 

Our contestants this time around are Dara Ó Briain, Fern Brady, John Kearns, Munya Chawawa and Sarah Millican. The opening round involves a fiendish display of hip-touching, hand-finding and milk-lifting. 

Taskmaster works for one fundamental reason: it seeks only to entertain. It has no truck with cruelty or cynicism. Davies is an ostensibly acerbic MC, but his insults are always delivered with a twinkle.

MANHUNT: THE NIGHT STALKER + THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF + TASKMASTER

This article was originally published in The Courier on 18th September 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Manhunt: The Night Stalker – Monday to Thursday, STV, 9pm

Two years ago, Martin Clunes starred in a hit true crime drama about the hunt for serial killer Levi Bellfield. This is the sequel. 

Based once again on the diaries of retired police officer Colin Sutton, it follows our unassuming yet dogged hero as he attempts to solve the gruesome case of a serial burglar and rapist who remained at large for 17 years. 

The police had samples of his DNA, but that meant nothing as he wasn’t in their database. His identity remained a mystery until Sutton was eventually called in to make sense of what little evidence they had. 

Manhunt, like Sutton, is methodical. It takes its time, but gets results. Textbook stuff, really, but it doesn’t offend.

Disclosure: On a Cliff Edge – Monday, BBC One, 8:30pm

Recent statistics show that young disabled people are significantly less likely to be in work than people without a disability. 

In this BBC Scotland report, Ian Hamilton reveals that school-leavers aren’t receiving the additional support they need. “Leaving home is an important part of growing up,” he says, “but for young disabled people it’s rarely straightforward.” 

He meets a woman with muscular dystrophy who was told that she wouldn’t be able to cope with university, and a disabled man who was given zero careers advice. 

He also interviews Pam Duncan-Glancy, the first permanent wheelchair-user elected to the Scottish Parliament, who encapsulates the point of Hamilton’s investigation by calling for increased investment in social care, health and employment services.

The Great British Bake Off – Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm

The latest series of this sugar-glazed powerhouse begins with – of all things – a pastiche of Billy Ray Cyrus’ Achy Breaky Heart, ‘performed’ by hosts Paul Hollywood, Prue Leith, Matt Lucas and Noel Fielding. 

An obvious attempt to get Twitter talking, it feels more suited to Lucas’ old Shooting Stars stomping ground. But once that’s out of the way, it’s Bake Off business as usual. 

In round one, the contestants are tasked with baking some mini roll sponges, a malt loaf and “an anti-gravity illusion cake”. The highlight, however, is Lucas singing the Flintstones theme in German to a baffled contestant from the Black Forest. Meanwhile, Fielding mooches around in a wacky jumper.

Never Mind the Buzzcocks – Tuesday, Sky Showcase, 9pm

Yes, it’s back. A prologue featuring new host Greg Davies plus members of Blue and B*Witched explains the supposed thinking behind this revival: pop culture is so diffuse these days, the charts don’t really mean anything, so we need a weekly comedy music quiz to bring it all together again. 

Which is fine in theory, but episode one suggests they needn’t have bothered. 

Davies is a funny man, but he doesn’t have much room to stamp his personality on proceedings. Returning team captain Noel Fielding – him again – goes, as always, through the zany motions, while his opponent, Daisy May Cooper from This Country, barely makes an impression. 

It’s all a bit forced and desperate. A zombie resurrection.

The Hairy Bikers Go North – Thursday, BBC Two, 8pm

In which the affable duo of Si King and Dave Myers go motor bikin’ through the north of England, from the west coast to the east. Their culinary journey begins in Lancashire, which has so much more to offer than its clichéd diet of hot pots, black puddings and Eccles cakes. 

They visit an award-winning cask ale pub/brewery, a buffalo dairy farm and an Italian ice cream parlour renowned for its ancient secret recipe. The lads also cook up a traditional steak, mushroom and ale pie while learning a little bit about the Temperance Movement. 

You know what to expect from the Bikers by now: a picturesque and fragrant gravy boat of unpretentious charm. Simple pleasure viewing.

Roaming in the Wild – Thursday, BBC Scotland, 8pm

If you’re in need of some emergency respite, then please allow me to nudge you in the direction of this delightful series. It follows filmmaker Andrew O’Donnell and his pal Mark Taylor as they explore the hidden wilds of Scotland. 

Their first stop is the River Kelvin in Glasgow, a tributary they navigate via a second-hand dinghy. Gently powered by O’Donnell’s wry, lilting narration (“Oh, to be daft on a raft, it’s a wonderful craft.”), this is the calming TV equivalent of a little paper boat circling idly in a pond. It makes Mortimer and Whitehouse: Gone Fishing look like Deliverance. 

All television is artifice, of course, but Roaming in the Wild lulls you into believing that it fell together accidentally.

Taskmaster – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

Greg Davies is far more at home here than he is on Buzzcocks. This entertaining comedy gameshow is his fiefdom. 

As the umpteenth series begins, he welcomes another batch of celebrity competitors, namely Only Connect host Victoria Coren Mitchell, comedians Alan Davies and Morgana Robinson, Guz Khan from Man Like Mobeen and American comic Desiree Burch. 

Their tasks this week include painting a flattering portrait of Davies while lying flat on their backs on those wheeled platforms mechanics use to get underneath cars, and bursting a tethered water balloon using a variety of missiles. 

I’m not ashamed to admit that I let out an involuntary cheer during Coren’s attempt, such is my investment in this genial nonsense. 

LAST WEEK’S TV

Amy Winehouse: A Life in Ten Pictures – Saturday 11th September, BBC Two

This occasional series rests upon a simple yet effective concept: the lives of deceased entertainers are told via significant photographs. Their loved ones gaze upon these images and reminisce. 

The latest edition felt like an addendum to BBC Two’s recent Winehouse documentary, featuring as it did three of the same contributors: her parents and one of her closest, non-celebrity friends. 

But it observed something that the previous programme didn’t: how must it have felt for Winehouse to sing her soul-drenched songs of heartbreak night after night? That’s the last thing you need when you’re in so much pain. 

As always, one was left with the impression of a sensitive, vulnerable person who was destroyed by addiction. Life is unjust.

Fred and Rose West: Reopened – Wednesday 15th September to Thursday 16th September, STV

Earlier this year, a television production company began investigating the notorious case of Fred and Rose West. They handed their findings over to the police, which in turn triggered a reinvestigation. 

That’s good, right? Well yes, but the resulting programme resembled a straight-faced episode of Brass Eye hosted by a bemused Trevor McDonald. Lurid, tasteless, offensive tabloid television. 

I believe at least one of the participants – a policeman who suspected that the Wests claimed several unreported victims – had entirely genuine and admirable motives, but his sincerity was undermined by an irresponsible programme intent on presenting an utterly tragic saga as a serial killer thriller. Admittedly, I only had access to episode one, but that was enough.

 

 

CAROLINE FLACK: HER LIFE AND DEATH + CROCK OF GOLD: A FEW ROUNDS WITH SHANE MacGOWAN

This article was originally published in The Courier on 13th March 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Caroline Flack: Her Life and Death – Wednesday, Channel 4, 9pm

In December 2019, TV presenter Caroline Flack was arrested for allegedly assaulting her boyfriend. Two months later she took her own life. In this touching documentary, Flack’s tragic story is told by those who knew her best. 

Her family reveal that even as a child she was prone to mood swings. She found heartbreak impossible to deal with. She suffered breakdowns and self-harmed. Like so many people do, she hid her depression. This is all discussed in a gentle, loving way. 

It’s a sensitive eulogy to an emotionally fragile person and a damning indictment of our callous modern age. Flack was hounded by the press and abused on social media. I hope those ghouls are utterly ashamed of themselves.

DNA Family Secrets – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

The final episode of this poignant genealogy series follows host Stacey Dooley as she assists more folk in search of ancestry answers. Mixed-race brothers Peter and David, who were adopted, want to find out more about their biological father. They have no idea where he was from or what ethnicity he was. 

Meanwhile, Manuela is desperate to know if her sight-impaired son carries a gene that causes blindness, and Tink hopes to find out whether she has sperm donor siblings. 

Dooley is a good choice of host, she’s likeable and empathetic, but the unassuming star of the show is Professor Turi King, who explains the science and gently guides the contributors through the entire process. She radiates kindness.

Crock of Gold: A Few Rounds with Shane MacGowan – Tuesday, BBC Four, 10pm

This messy documentary is a thoroughly depressing portrait of a chronic alcoholic who was once a great talent. 

Director Julien Temple tries to inject his usual punk-mythological energy into proceedings, but at one point he presumably realised that there’s nothing funny or romantic about this saga: a recurring shot of a cadaverous MacGowan today, barely capable of lifting a glass of wine to his lips, punctuates the narrative. 

The man himself is essentially the narrator, his drowsy, booze-pickled slur and rattlesnake cackle a recurring motif. He struggles to articulate his thoughts on politics and religion with Gerry Adams. There are pointless cameos from those utter buffoons Johnny Depp and Bobby Gillespie. You’ll probably feel sad, awkward and exhausted by the end.

Taskmaster – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

The latest series of this genial comedy gameshow kicks off with a typically silly question: What’s the most impressive thing you can do under a table with one hand while staring and waving at the camera? 

You know the drill by now. Host Greg Davies – a naturally funny man – asks celebrities to conquer some mildly physical tasks. This week’s contestants are Lee Mack, Jamali Madix, Sarah Kendall, Charlotte Ritchie and Mike Wozniak. 

Note to the producers: we know there’s no studio audience, you don’t have to dub on ghostly smatterings of laughter and applause every few minutes. It’s distracting and impossible to ignore once noticed. And yes, I would like you, dear reader, to notice it too, just so I don’t feel alone.

Rob Brydon’s Now That’s What I Call Comic Relief – Thursday, BBC Four, 10pm

It’s been a criminally long time since we’ve seen libidinous soul man Theophilus P. Wildebeest on our screens, so thank God almighty for this cheery clip show in which Lenny Henry’s skin-tight alter-ego is just one of the many musical highlights. 

Rob Brydon, no stranger to a charitable singsong himself, guides us through memorable Comic Relief performances from the likes of Elton John, George Michael, Tom Jones and Paul McCartney. We’re also reminded of the time when Portuguese crooner Tony Ferrino (Steve Coogan) performed a romantic duet with Bjork (Bjork). 

And you will, of course, be treated to those incessant karaoke contributions from Peter Kay and his buoyant army of ‘80s light entertainment survivors.

Comic Relief 2021 – Friday, BBC One and BBC Two, 7pm

And here’s the really big shoe (copyright Ed Sullivan; there’s a reference for the swinging UK teenagers) itself. The Comic Relief telethon isn’t what it was in its late 1980s/early 1990s heyday, that exciting comedians-taking-over-the-airwaves anarchy is long gone. For nearly 30 years it’s been indistinguishable from cosy old Children in Need. 

Sir Lenworth is the last remaining link to that original epoch, and here he’s joined by guest hosts Alesha Dixon (a safe pair of hands who isn’t a comedian), Davina McCall (a vaguely tolerable presence who isn’t a comedian), David Tennant (a fine actor who isn’t a comedian) and Paddy McGuinness (a stagnant puddle of bin juice who has ‘comedian’ listed on his CV).

LAST WEEK’S TV

The Wall – Saturday 6th March, BBC One

Like all good people of taste and discernment, I’m obsessed with The Wall. The bizarre novelty of barely interested uber-geezer Danny Dyer hosting a gameshow is still funny. 

Last week he welcomed Jack and Thomas, a bright pair of twins who are The Wall’s youngest contestants thus far. Dyer, to his credit, didn’t patronise Jack, a wheelchair-user, nor did he milk the fact that he and Thomas were there to win money for their dear old mum. That’s not the Dyer way. No frills. Let’s bank some readies. 

I’m also fascinated by his love/hate relationship with the Wall itself. He definitely prostrates himself before it in the empty dead of night, stark naked and daubed in woad.