THE BOY, THE MOLE, THE FOX AND THE HORSE | DETECTORISTS | MAYFLIES

This article was originally published in The Courier on 24th December 2022.

THIS WEEK’S TV

The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and the Horse – Christmas Eve, BBC One, 4:55pm

This is beautiful. An animated adaptation of the children’s book by Charles Mackesy, it follows a lonely little boy who befriends a kindly mole in the snowy British countryside. They’re kindred spirits. “I think everyone feels a bit lost sometimes,” mutters the mole, “I know I do.” 

They meet a tethered fox, who would normally devour the mole under different circumstances, and a majestic white horse. “Life is difficult,” says the horse to his newfound friends, “but you are loved.” 

Mackesy’s treatise on loneliness and anxiety is told with poetic child-friendly sensitivity. It’s preceded on BBC Two at 3:55pm by Charlie Mackesy: The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, The Horse, and Me, a charming profile of the author/illustrator.

A Christmas Carol: A Ghost Story – Christmas Day, BBC Four, 7pm

Mark Gatiss, that ghost of Christmas ever-present, is the brains behind this filmed stage adaptation of the Dickens classic. 

It’s a fine production. You know the story inside out, but Gatiss and co deliver their own little twists and tweaks. An immortal text, it will always be retold by people who understand its innate power. Gatiss was born to retell it. One gets the impression that he’s been working towards this moment throughout his entire life and career. 

If you have children in the house on Christmas Day, children who know nothing of Scrooge and his various iterations, then I daresay they’ll be bewitched. Sure, it’s no The Muppet Christmas Carol, but nothing is (apart from The Muppet Christmas Carol).

Ghosts – Christmas Day, BBC One, 7:25pm

I’m surprised it’s taken this long for Ghosts to take its rightful place in our Christmas Day schedules, as it quite obviously belongs there. A family-friendly sweet-treat. Still, here it finally is, so let’s all sing Hosanna (if you like). 

The ghosts decide to show their eternal thanks to Alison and Mike by performing a panto. As always, a few hiccups aside, the extended family band together. It all turns out fine in the end. 

The appeal of Ghosts lies in its seemingly effortless ability to fuse silliness, irony and earned emotion. Prepare yourselves, this year, for a certain ghost being reminded of their last Christmas as a corporeal entity. The pathos isn’t overcooked, it’s lovely.

Call the Midwife – Christmas Day, BBC One, 7:55pm

At the risk of sounding like a comforting ‘80s BBC continuity announcer, Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without a visit to Poplar. 

1967 is almost at an end. The Summer of Love passed them by, they’re still recovering from a tragic train crash. But life goes on. The midwives swiftly move into a new maternity ward; there are babies, mothers, fathers and families in need. 

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: you can always tell when someone who’s never actually watched Call the Midwife dismisses it as sentimental fluff. Blandness personified. Nah, it fuses that fluff with a certain amount of grit and a whole heap of empathy. Some good things are deservedly successful.

Doc Martin – Christmas Day, STV, 9:05pm

The end is nigh for this fondly regarded comedy-drama starring Martin Clunes as a lovably taciturn country medic. 

In this final episode, our lugubrious antihero closes down the village grotto when he begins to suspect that ‘Santa’ might be spreading a contagion. Cue much consternation and gnashing of teeth. This being Doc Martin, of course, everything comes up roses. We wouldn’t have it any other way. 

At 8:30pm on Thursday, fans can also enjoy ITV’s Farewell Doc Martin, a retrospective celebrating the whole merry shebang.

Detectorists – Boxing Day, BBC Two, 9pm

Writer/director Mackenzie Crook’s Detectorists is one of the best British sitcoms of recent years. It ended perfectly in 2017, but now it’s back for one final episode. 

Preview copies weren’t available, but I trust Crook to deliver the goods. He wouldn’t unearth this cherished gemstone, this self-evident labour of love, if he didn’t feel it deserved to see the light of day.

The Danebury Metal Detecting Club is in dire straits. Property developers are sniffing around its soil. Disaster beckons until Lance (Toby Jones) secures permission to search ten acres of undetected land. 

Can he reverse the fortunes of the DMDC? Is that expedition worth the effort if it irreversibly threatens his friendship with Andy (Crook)?

Mayflies – Tuesday and Wednesday, BBC Scotland, 10pm/Wednesday and Thursday, BBC One, 9pm

A two-part adaptation of Andrew O’Hagan’s acclaimed novel, this for me is one of the obvious festive TV highlights. 

The synopsis doesn’t sound very Christmassy, I know: Jimmy (Martin Compston) is a successful Ayrshire-born author based in London.  One day, out of the blue, Tully (Tony Curran), his best friend since adolescence, calls him back home. Tully has terminal cancer and refuses treatment.  He wants to go out his way. 

Tully asks Jimmy to help him put his final affairs in order. First step: Tully marries his girlfriend (Ashley Jensen). 

Mayflies is being shown at this time of year because it’s a touching, witty, warm and authentic meditation on enduring friendship and love. It reminds us of what’s important.

THE WALK‐IN | THIS ENGLAND | BLANKETY BLANK

This article was originally published in The Courier on 1st October 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

The Walk‐In ‐ Monday, STV, 9pm

This intensely powerful factual drama confronts the horrifying resurgence of fascism in western society. 

Labour MP Jo Cox was murdered by a racist in 2016. One of the journalists who investigated that appalling tragedy was a former Neo‐Nazi turned anti-fascist campaigner. A brave man, he’s played by the great Stephen Graham. 

The Walk‐In is written by Jeff Pope, a television heavyweight rightly renowned for his outstanding catalogue of assiduously researched dramas steeped in sensitive subject matter. 

This, I assure you, is a searing piece of work. Fuelled by compassion, it seeks to understand the deep‐seated causes of bigotry and radicalisation. TV dramas such as this can make a difference. They matter.

24 Hours in A&E ‐ Monday, Channel 4, 9pm

The 29^th series of this hardy perennial returns to St George’s Hospital in south-west London, which is home to one of Britain’s busiest A&E departments. 

The first patient we encounter is Graham, who’s been involved in a high-speed motorcycle accident. Graham’s doctors fear that he may have suffered significant damage to his back and neck, so he’s sent off for an urgent CT scan. His worried wife, Kate, talks movingly of their relationship and the various unforeseen problems they’ve faced. 

And that’s the very essence of 24 Hours in A&E: unlike so many programme of its ilk, it never fails to remind us that these people are three-dimensional human beings with stories to tell.

Paxman: Putting Up with Parkinson’s ‐ Tuesday, STV, 9pm

Jeremy Paxman is a notoriously short‐tempered man. He doesn’t suffer anything gladly. Eighteen months ago he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. And this is his response. 

He’s on typically frank form during a programme in which he converses with leading neurological researchers and some other people who have Parkinson’s, while challenging myths about his condition. 

He also attends an English National Ballet therapy dance class and learns how to play bowls. 

Paxman often comes across as a rather blunt and dislikeable person, but that’s his act I suppose. It’s all showbiz. In this context, however, speaking honestly as himself, his no-nonsense approach is tempered with some sensitive insight. 

It should, one hopes, provide a bit of comfort. 

This England ‐ Tuesday and Wednesday, Sky Atlantic, 9pm

An excoriating six‐part drama from that estimable writer/director Michael Winterbottom, This England traces the absolute chaos of Boris Johnson’s first year in office as Prime Minister. 

Preoccupied with getting Brexit done, whatever that actually means, Johnson’s government were utterly unprepared for COVID. That’s understandable, but This England gets its point across in no uncertain terms: for all his Churchillian bluster, Johnson was fatally ill‐equipped to take charge of a national crisis. 

Kenneth Branagh as Johnson pulls off a difficult feat: playing a man who deliberately presents himself as a caricature. He comes across as an irresponsible fool floundering with the consequences of a pyrrhic victory, while sinister Dominic Cummings pulls the strings.

Doc Martin ‐ Wednesday, STV, 9pm

As the final series of this comfort blanket continues, Louisa is understandably perturbed when her estranged father (that fine actor Kenneth Cranham) turns up out of the blue. 

Meanwhile, Doc Martin is still struggling with his blood phobia, so he seeks some counsel with Ruth (that other fine actor, Dame Eileen Atkins). 

The third storyline ‐ there are always three, that’s how these shows operate ‐ involves a squatter who refuses to be budged from a vintage caravan. 

I have no truck with kneejerk cynics who sneer at the likes of Doc Martin. There’s nothing wrong with basking in good‐natured entertainment. You mustn’t always avoid the middle of the road, as Bob Dylan probably once sang.

Taskmaster ‐ Thursday, Channel 4, 11:05pm

Self-effacing sidekick ‘Little’ Alex Horne ‐ the brains behind the entire Taskmaster enterprise, but don’t tell faux-domineering host Greg Davies that ‐ is in his element this week. 

He oversees several tasks involving admin, ducks and flour. As always, his pedantic efficiency while dealing with such nonsense provides much of the humour. I appreciate that I’ve just described the appeal of Taskmaster in the driest possible terms, but Horne would presumably see the funny side of that. 

The whole point of the show is that none of it matters, but it wouldn’t work at all were it not treated with at least some degree of dedicated seriousness. And from thence the comedy arises. You’re welcome.

Jon Richardson: Take My Mother‐in‐Law ‐ Thursday, Channel 4, 12:15am

You’ve got to hand it to the professionally grumpy comedian Jon Richardson, the man has an unerring knack for coming up with vehicles for himself. His pitch meetings presumably involve him reading from a list of things he pretends to find vaguely annoying. 

His latest one, as you’ve presumably surmised, involves his mother‐in‐law. She’s about to retire, so Richardson has to pretend he’s intent on finding her a home in Spain ‐ otherwise she might move in with him and his wife! 

Yes, the premise is knowingly contrived, it’s a post‐modern take on mother‐in‐law gags. But it’s really just an excuse for yet another harmless/pointless TV road trip.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Blankety Blank ‐ Saturday 24th September, BBC One

We all know that Blankety Blank is nothing without Wogan or Dawson, both of whom elevated a daft quiz to knowingly dry‐witted heights, but Bradley Walsh does a decent job of keeping the flame alive. 

He’s an affable character who fundamentally ‘gets it’. A silly format, so let’s poke some fun at it. 

No, he can’t match Wogan’s subtly whimsical approach, nor Dawson’s hilarious decision to treat the whole thing as if it’s something he’s doing under major duress, but Walsh is a likeable pro. He knows how to keep things moving with a quip or two. 

That’s a talent, and I can’t deny the simple pleasures of watching a seasoned comic carrying out their duties proficiently.

Martin Compston’s Scottish Fling ‐ Friday 30th September, BBC Two

The latest leg of Compston’s amiable tour of our great nation took him, and co‐host Phil McHugh, to the Highlands. 

It’s an area of Scotland I have a particular affinity with, as I spent much of my childhood in Invergordon. So it was rather lovely seeing the ‘gordon (as no one calls it) represented on your actual primetime BBC television. 

Last week’s episode involved go‐karting, delectable vegan cuisine and an inspirational strongman story suffused with a positive mental health message. 

If you fancy a bit of respite, something to unwind with, then I thoroughly recommend catching up with this show on iPlayer. It’s a gentle pleasure, a spirit‐lifter.

MARTIN COMPSTON'S SCOTTISH FLING | DOC MARTIN | RIDLEY

This article was originally published in The Courier on 3rd September 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Martin Compston’s Scottish Fling – Thursday, BBC Scotland, 10pm and Friday, BBC Two, 9:30pm

The Line of Duty actor positively swells with national pride during this perfectly pleasant scenic travelogue. He reacquaints himself with Scotland in the company of his pal, the TV presenter Phil MacHugh. They’re an affable duo. 

The series begins on the West Coast, where Compston is from. In Dunoon they shoot the cheerfully innuendo-laden breeze (and play crazy golf) with RuPaul’s Drag Race UK winner Lawrence Chaney. 

Later on, they climb a hill with Zahrah Mahmood, who’s made a name for herself on Instagram as The Hillwalking Hijabi. Their view from the summit is stunning. “You know how a lot of people say the great outdoors are their church?” she smiles, “I feel like this is my mosque.”

Inside Central Station – Monday, BBC One, 8pm

The latest series of this observational doc about Glasgow’s Central Station heralds some major changes for staff and passengers alike. 

We follow engineers as they deal with one of the biggest renovations the Argyll line has ever seen. This project necessitates the temporary closure of Glasgow Central’s low level station, which serves over five million passengers every year. 

Despite all of this stress and upheaval, everyone appears to take it in their stride. There’s no point complaining about minor inconveniences, especially when they’ll ultimately lead to improvements. Wise words, I know. 

Inside Central Station is a genial show, a modest little masterclass in how to compile a workplace documentary. It’s full of low-key character and charm.

24 Hours in A&E – Monday, Channel 4, 9pm

The 28^th series of 24 Hours in A&E was filmed at St George’s Hospital in London during the lockdown autumn of 2020. It begins with Sara, who’s been rushed to A&E after collapsing at work. The doctors are concerned that she may have a bleed on the brain. 

Meanwhile, teenager Flynn hits a car while riding his bike, and Jane – who visits A&E with a severe headache – reflects upon her childhood spent in Zambia and Lancashire. 

As always, it’s a reliably tender compendium of human interest stories. The formula never changes, because it doesn’t need to. Our innate empathy connects us with these people. It could be you, me, or any of our loved ones in those hospital beds.

First Dates Hotel – Tuesday, Channel 4, 9pm

Another year, another spin-off series in which maître d’ Fred Sirieix and his matchmaking squad usher yet another group of hopefuls into their exotic luxury love shack. 

Ex-military paramedic Gareth has pretty much given up on the hope of ever meeting anyone. Gareth, having applied to appear on First Dates, obviously wasn’t expecting the producers to match him up with a theoretically perfect partner. 

The twist in this particular story – First Dates doesn’t half love its twists – is that Gareth and his date, Carys, once chatted with each other on a dating app. But they never took things any further than that. 

We also meet a retired taxidermist embarking upon her first date in 39 years.

Doc Martin – Wednesday, STV, 9pm

Martin Clunes has been playing TV’s most beloved Cornwall-based grumpy medic on and off for eighteen years. And now it’s time for him to say farewell to the character. 

The final series begins with our hero in self-imposed retirement, a decision he’s clearly starting to regret. Your special guest star is Fay Ripley, who plays a woman struggling with a stressful divorce. 

Doc Martin lasted so long for several very good and straightforward reasons: well-written scripts, lovely scenery and likeable characters brought to life by a solid cast, a cast spearheaded by Clunes exuding his uniquely lugubrious charisma. 

A warm, droll comedy drama with popular appeal, it achieved everything it ever set out to do.

Katie Price: Trauma and Me – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

Last year, Katie Price experienced PTSD following a car accident. In this documentary, she talks about her ongoing mental health struggles. 

The programme wasn’t available in time for my deadline, but I’m flagging it up because Price is a very candid and thoughtful person. The documentaries she’s fronted in recent years have always been worthwhile. This one features contributions from Price’s parents, who express understandable concern about their daughter’s wellbeing. 

Price, as always, interviews and listens to people who are experiencing similar problems. They discuss the various triggers that can cause them to spiral, while highlighting the ways in which we can help ourselves and each other. 

I predict with some confidence that it will all be handled sensitively.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Ridley – Sunday 28th August, STV

I’m still not entirely convinced that this new crime drama starring Adrian Dunbar isn’t a masterfully deadpan post-modern parody of every cliché in the Sad Cop Bingo playbook. 

He plays former DI Alex Ridley, who recently lost his wife and daughter in an arson attack. Naturally, Ridley lives alone in a big expensive house on the banks of a picturesque lake while listening to mournful jazz records. 

His replacement on the force, a former protégé, entices the great Ridley out of retirement to help her solve some mystifying cases. Perhaps that will give him a new lease of life? 

I mean, really. Come on. Dunbar, a fine actor, deserves better than this. So do we. 

The Capture – Sunday 28th August and Monday 29th August, BBC One

It’s been three years since series one of this superior conspiracy thriller – its return was presumably delayed by the pandemic – hence why series two began with a very lengthy recap. That wasn’t necessary, as it revolves around a new case for counter terrorism agent Rachel Carey (Holliday Grainger). 

Newcomers to the show would have experienced no problems following the action; the opening scene clearly established that the villains of the piece are capable of corrupting CCTV footage using sophisticated deepfake technology. The framed victim in this case is an up-and-coming government minister with ties to China. 

The Capture is a slick, smart confection that actually has something to say about real-world concerns surrounding data protection and surveillance.

MARTIN CLUNES: ISLANDS OF THE PACIFIC + ANDY WARHOL'S AMERICA + THE GREEN PLANET

This article was originally published in The Courier on 15th January 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Martin Clunes: Islands of the Pacific – Thursday, STV, 9pm

TV’s Martin Clunes is one of the reigning travelogue supremos. And for good reason: he’s very good at his job. Naturally witty, charming, respectful and empathetic, he’s like a sort of idealised foreign ambassador. I’d vote for him. 

This week he natters with some tribesmen who live in the shadow of an active volcano and breaks bread with a tribe who believe that Prince Philip is their God. Some of the elders briefly met him once and they exchanged banal pleasantries. So that’s a relief. 

Clunes also travels to Tonga, an ostensibly conservative Christian nation with a surprisingly tolerant and admirable attitude towards gender fluidity. It’s not an entirely progressive utopia of course, but hats off to Tonga anyway.

Geordie Hospital – Monday, Channel 4, 8pm

Newcastle is home to one of the UK’s biggest NHS hospital trusts. Its personable and dedicated staff are the stars of this new series, which rarely dwells upon the pressures and frustrations of their job. The mood is upbeat, it’s a big ol’ cuddle of a programme. 

Any celebration of Britain’s most essential institution is tacitly political, of course it is, but Geordie Hospital elects to focus exclusively on positive stories. That’s a statement in itself.

Tears and anxieties rear up at times, but even a potentially upsetting segment involving a little boy with a heart defect turns out fine. I for one welcome this warm gust of positivity.

Kelvin’s Big Farming Adventure – Monday, BBC One, 8:30pm

The former Emmerdale actor and Strictly Come Dancing winner Kelvin Fletcher recently bought a farm in the Peak District. A lifelong urbanite, he has no farming experience whatsoever. But if we know one thing about Fletcher, it’s that he enjoys a challenge. 

His agent must’ve been delighted when they heard the news, as a television series following this life-changing development was absolutely guaranteed. And if that sounds cynical, well that’s showbiz. 

We’re all familiar with this formula by now: a celebrity and their family get to grips with renovating barns and stockpiling eggs. Mild setbacks ensue. There is nothing remotely objectionable about this series. It merely exists. I recommend it to fans of tractors, fencing and sheep.

The Secret Life of Our Pets – Tuesday, STV, 8pm

This diverting litle series spotlights the cute side of cognitive animal behaviour research. This week’s theme is emotional intelligence and the powerful bond of trust that exists between domesticated animals and their humans. 

The slightly alarming highlight involves a visit to Switzerland, where we encounter a BASE jumper who enjoys nothing more than parachuting from the edge of massive cliffs with his border collie harnessed to him. 

And while you could question the ethics of placing an animal in that position, the dog doesn’t appear to be remotely distressed. He trusts his thrill-seeking comrade. 

We also learn that goldfish can ‘recognise’ human faces, rats really enjoy playing Hide and Seek, and parrots have an innate sense of rhythm.

Ghislaine, Prince Andrew and the Paedophile – Tuesday, STV, 9pm

The convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell is currently facing a custodial sentence of up to 65 years. A key confidante and enabler of the paedophile sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, who died in prison under mysterious circumstances in 2019, Maxwell’s entitled circle of friends included the thoroughly disgraced Prince Andrew. 

This report, which for obvious reasons was still being edited as I write these words, features contributions from some of Epstein and Maxwell’s victims. It also promises to examine damning evidence from Maxwell’s trial, as well as Prince Andrew’s alleged involvement in this hideous scandal. It seems increasingly likely that he will face a civil court case. 

Your host is Good Morning Britain’s Political Editor Ranvir Singh.

Toast of Tinseltown – Tuesday, BBC Two, 10pm

Are things looking up for the belligerent, oafish and perpetually thwarted ham actor Steven Toast? During the latest stage of his Hollywood odyssey he’s invited to audition for the role of a butler in an unnecessarily ambitious and expensive movie. He only has one line, but if he impresses the tyrannical director then he could secure a first-class ticket on the gravy train.

Meanwhile, he hurls himself into a strange relationship with a clinical sexologist, and records a voiceover on the hottest day there has ever been in L.A. 

It’s not the funniest Toast episode, but spending time in the deeply silly world of series creators Matt Berry and Arthur Mathews is always a peculiar source of comfort.

Andy Warhol’s America – Thursday, BBC Two, 9pm

The final chapter of this absorbing gaze into Warhol’s reflection of American culture begins in the 1970s and ends with his death in 1987. His preoccupation with death and disaster is a recurring theme throughout. 

After surviving an assassination attempt in 1968, he essentially had a second chance at life; a fact that haunted him thereafter. He became even more avaricious, while simultaneously providing support for marginalised groups such as African Americans, Native Americans, homeless people and the LGBTQ community. 

But, the programme asks, was that support tainted by self-interest and exploitation? He was, to say the least, a complicated cat. 

As with previous instalments of this excellent series, Warhol’s Zelig-like story encompasses several fascinating historical detours.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

The Green Planet – Sunday 9th January, BBC One

In the latest series from David Attenborough, his estimable team use an advanced time lapse camera system to unearth the secret life of plants. It observes the world from their perspective while examining their relationship with animals and humans, and the vital role they play in our ecosystem. Naturally, it’s fascinating. 

That remarkable footage of plants in action occasionally resembled lost outtakes from Frank Oz’s Little Shop of Horrors; an alien landscape thriving on Earth. 

It’s a stellar example of Attenborough’s unerring ability to sculpt absorbing narratives from unlikely sources. Who knew there was so much drama in the global plant community? 

And it was lovely seeing the great man delivering some unflaggingly enthused pieces to camera.

Life on the Bay – Sunday 9th January, BBC Scotland

Pettycur Bay Holiday Park on Fife’s coast is one of Scotland’s biggest caravan enclaves. This breezy new series – a summery balm for these dark winter days - observes the daily demands of running what is effectively an idyllic miniature town built and run by three generations of a hands-on local family. 

In episode one we met a genial maintenance man who’s worked there for so long, he remembers when his boss was a little boy: “He was just a wee bloody pest! But a good pest…” 

Guests included a new arrival who joked about the possibility of getting cabin fever and going berserk like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. As far as I’m aware, that hasn’t happened.

MANHUNT: THE NIGHT STALKER + THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF + TASKMASTER

This article was originally published in The Courier on 18th September 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Manhunt: The Night Stalker – Monday to Thursday, STV, 9pm

Two years ago, Martin Clunes starred in a hit true crime drama about the hunt for serial killer Levi Bellfield. This is the sequel. 

Based once again on the diaries of retired police officer Colin Sutton, it follows our unassuming yet dogged hero as he attempts to solve the gruesome case of a serial burglar and rapist who remained at large for 17 years. 

The police had samples of his DNA, but that meant nothing as he wasn’t in their database. His identity remained a mystery until Sutton was eventually called in to make sense of what little evidence they had. 

Manhunt, like Sutton, is methodical. It takes its time, but gets results. Textbook stuff, really, but it doesn’t offend.

Disclosure: On a Cliff Edge – Monday, BBC One, 8:30pm

Recent statistics show that young disabled people are significantly less likely to be in work than people without a disability. 

In this BBC Scotland report, Ian Hamilton reveals that school-leavers aren’t receiving the additional support they need. “Leaving home is an important part of growing up,” he says, “but for young disabled people it’s rarely straightforward.” 

He meets a woman with muscular dystrophy who was told that she wouldn’t be able to cope with university, and a disabled man who was given zero careers advice. 

He also interviews Pam Duncan-Glancy, the first permanent wheelchair-user elected to the Scottish Parliament, who encapsulates the point of Hamilton’s investigation by calling for increased investment in social care, health and employment services.

The Great British Bake Off – Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm

The latest series of this sugar-glazed powerhouse begins with – of all things – a pastiche of Billy Ray Cyrus’ Achy Breaky Heart, ‘performed’ by hosts Paul Hollywood, Prue Leith, Matt Lucas and Noel Fielding. 

An obvious attempt to get Twitter talking, it feels more suited to Lucas’ old Shooting Stars stomping ground. But once that’s out of the way, it’s Bake Off business as usual. 

In round one, the contestants are tasked with baking some mini roll sponges, a malt loaf and “an anti-gravity illusion cake”. The highlight, however, is Lucas singing the Flintstones theme in German to a baffled contestant from the Black Forest. Meanwhile, Fielding mooches around in a wacky jumper.

Never Mind the Buzzcocks – Tuesday, Sky Showcase, 9pm

Yes, it’s back. A prologue featuring new host Greg Davies plus members of Blue and B*Witched explains the supposed thinking behind this revival: pop culture is so diffuse these days, the charts don’t really mean anything, so we need a weekly comedy music quiz to bring it all together again. 

Which is fine in theory, but episode one suggests they needn’t have bothered. 

Davies is a funny man, but he doesn’t have much room to stamp his personality on proceedings. Returning team captain Noel Fielding – him again – goes, as always, through the zany motions, while his opponent, Daisy May Cooper from This Country, barely makes an impression. 

It’s all a bit forced and desperate. A zombie resurrection.

The Hairy Bikers Go North – Thursday, BBC Two, 8pm

In which the affable duo of Si King and Dave Myers go motor bikin’ through the north of England, from the west coast to the east. Their culinary journey begins in Lancashire, which has so much more to offer than its clichéd diet of hot pots, black puddings and Eccles cakes. 

They visit an award-winning cask ale pub/brewery, a buffalo dairy farm and an Italian ice cream parlour renowned for its ancient secret recipe. The lads also cook up a traditional steak, mushroom and ale pie while learning a little bit about the Temperance Movement. 

You know what to expect from the Bikers by now: a picturesque and fragrant gravy boat of unpretentious charm. Simple pleasure viewing.

Roaming in the Wild – Thursday, BBC Scotland, 8pm

If you’re in need of some emergency respite, then please allow me to nudge you in the direction of this delightful series. It follows filmmaker Andrew O’Donnell and his pal Mark Taylor as they explore the hidden wilds of Scotland. 

Their first stop is the River Kelvin in Glasgow, a tributary they navigate via a second-hand dinghy. Gently powered by O’Donnell’s wry, lilting narration (“Oh, to be daft on a raft, it’s a wonderful craft.”), this is the calming TV equivalent of a little paper boat circling idly in a pond. It makes Mortimer and Whitehouse: Gone Fishing look like Deliverance. 

All television is artifice, of course, but Roaming in the Wild lulls you into believing that it fell together accidentally.

Taskmaster – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

Greg Davies is far more at home here than he is on Buzzcocks. This entertaining comedy gameshow is his fiefdom. 

As the umpteenth series begins, he welcomes another batch of celebrity competitors, namely Only Connect host Victoria Coren Mitchell, comedians Alan Davies and Morgana Robinson, Guz Khan from Man Like Mobeen and American comic Desiree Burch. 

Their tasks this week include painting a flattering portrait of Davies while lying flat on their backs on those wheeled platforms mechanics use to get underneath cars, and bursting a tethered water balloon using a variety of missiles. 

I’m not ashamed to admit that I let out an involuntary cheer during Coren’s attempt, such is my investment in this genial nonsense. 

LAST WEEK’S TV

Amy Winehouse: A Life in Ten Pictures – Saturday 11th September, BBC Two

This occasional series rests upon a simple yet effective concept: the lives of deceased entertainers are told via significant photographs. Their loved ones gaze upon these images and reminisce. 

The latest edition felt like an addendum to BBC Two’s recent Winehouse documentary, featuring as it did three of the same contributors: her parents and one of her closest, non-celebrity friends. 

But it observed something that the previous programme didn’t: how must it have felt for Winehouse to sing her soul-drenched songs of heartbreak night after night? That’s the last thing you need when you’re in so much pain. 

As always, one was left with the impression of a sensitive, vulnerable person who was destroyed by addiction. Life is unjust.

Fred and Rose West: Reopened – Wednesday 15th September to Thursday 16th September, STV

Earlier this year, a television production company began investigating the notorious case of Fred and Rose West. They handed their findings over to the police, which in turn triggered a reinvestigation. 

That’s good, right? Well yes, but the resulting programme resembled a straight-faced episode of Brass Eye hosted by a bemused Trevor McDonald. Lurid, tasteless, offensive tabloid television. 

I believe at least one of the participants – a policeman who suspected that the Wests claimed several unreported victims – had entirely genuine and admirable motives, but his sincerity was undermined by an irresponsible programme intent on presenting an utterly tragic saga as a serial killer thriller. Admittedly, I only had access to episode one, but that was enough.