LITVINENKO | THERE SHE GOES | THE CHANGE

This article was originally published in The Courier on 17th June 2023.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Litvinenko – Monday, STV, 9pm

In 2006, former KGB spy Alexander Litvinenko was fatally poisoned while living in British exile. He’d spent the last few years of his life trying to expose links between Putin’s government and the Russian mafia. 

This four-part drama starring David Tennant is a riveting evocation of the whole murky, tragic affair. 

We follow two British police officers as they spend time with Litvinenko during his final days in hospital. His truth is revealed. 

Tennant is such a great actor, he never draws attention to himself with tics or affectations. You always believe fully in whatever role he’s playing. 

A follow-up ITVX documentary, Litvinenko: The Mayfair Poisonings ‘drops’ on Thursday. 

The Wonders of the World I Can’t See – Monday, Channel 4, 10pm

The comedian Chris McCausland is blind. In this novel new travelogue, he visits some of the world’s most notable historic landmarks. 

An affable dry-witted gent, he’s joined each week by a celebrity travelling companion. They’re tasked with bringing these various places to life descriptively, while doing what they can to convince McCausland that it was worth him bothering to go there in the first place. 

The series begins with a trip to Athens in the company of Harry Hill. Our guides enjoy some sea fishing, pottery making, olive oil tasting, Greek drama lessons and even a few Olympic sports, before arriving at their ultimate destination: the Acropolis. 

Will McCausland enjoy the experience as much as Hill hopes? 

Dr Death – Tuesday, Channel 4, 10pm

Christopher Duntsch is a former American neurosurgeon who killed two of his patients and maimed over 30 others. In 2017 he was sentenced to life imprisonment. 

This solemn eight-part drama boasts a suitably unsettling performance from Joshua Jackson as Duntsch. 

In the opening episode, two concerned doctors (Alec Baldwin and Christian Slater, no less) start to investigate a series of severely botched operations carried out by Duntsch. 

Make no mistake, this case is utterly horrific, but Dr Death dramatizes it with due respect for Duntsch’s many victims. It’s the story of how a deeply disturbed narcissist wilfully destroyed lives, and how he was eventually brought to justice.

There She Goes – Wednesday, BBC Two, 9pm

Jessica Hynes and the hardest working man in show business David Tennant star in this standalone addendum to a poignant series based on the personal experiences of writers Shaun Pyle and Sarah Crawford. 

Their daughter was born with an extremely rare chromosomal disorder. Rosie is now 13. Her already difficult and challenging mood swings are becoming more acute.

As you would expect, There She Goes is an authentic day-to-day depiction of living with a beloved family member who has a severe learning disability. It’s touching, but never sentimental. 

It’s sometimes quite funny too. Humour can arise from unlikely situations, that’s one of the ways we all muddle through life. You carry on.

The Change – Wednesday, Channel 4, 10pm

Comedian Bridget Christie writes and stars in this striking new comedy-drama about Linda, a 50-year-old woman who is going through the menopause. 

As she explains to her GP, she’s worried about having “early onset dementia, osteoporosis, ringing in my ears when I’m stressed, anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease and a strange mental disorder involving loss of nouns.” 

Hoping to rediscover the person she used to be, Linda leaves her utterly foolish husband (Omid Djalili) behind and embarks upon a soul-searching motorcycle odyssey. 

The Change is funny, frank and distinctive, it lingers. Christie and Djalili, both great, are supported by an exceptional cast including Monica Dolan, Susan Lynch, Liza Tarbuck and Paul Whitehouse.

Ruby Speaking – Thursday, ITVX

Set in a busy Bristol call centre, this fairly amusing sitcom stars co-creator Jayde Adams as a jaded factotum. 

Ruby is teetering on the brink of being sacked, she’s not bringing in the numbers. Anyone who’s ever worked in a call centre (I have) will empathise with her plight. 

Ruby quite likes some of her colleagues, but she’s just so bored with her strictly prepared workaday script. What’s the point? A metaphor for life, if you will. 

Former Coronation Street star Katherine Kelly steals the show as a thoroughly awful ‘inspirational’ boss who clearly couldn’t care less about her staff. Ruby Speaking is quite a sharp little character study. Hilarious? No. But its heart is in the right place. 

Icons of Football – Friday, BBC Scotland, 10:30pm

Former Dundee United striker and football manager Paul ‘Luggy’ Sturrock relates his estimable story in the latest episode of this series about Scottish football legends.

Sturrock, who has Parkinson’s disease, spent his entire career at Dundee United under the tutelage of his much-loved mentor Jim McLean. In the words of sports reporter Hazel Irvine, who contributes to the programme alongside fellow famous fans such as Lorraine Kelly, Sturrock was: “In my memory, one of the most joyous footballers I’ve ever watched.” 

I know nothing about football, it’s just not on my radar, but this KT Tunstall-narrated profile lifted my spirits. Sturrock is quite clearly an exceptional athlete and a thoroughly decent man.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE? | THIS ENGLAND | BEING JEWISH IN SCOTLAND

This article was originally published in The Courier on 8th October 2022. 

THIS WEEK’S TV

Am I Being Unreasonable? – Friday, BBC One, 9:30pm

In the latest episode of this addictive comedy thriller from Daisy May Cooper and Selin Hizli, we finally find out more about the mysterious Jen. 

It unfurls in the form of a sucker-punching flashback told from Jen’s perspective. Everything we’ve witnessed so far is (sort of) wrong. A very special guest-star, Jessica Hynes, turns up to thicken the plot. 

I can’t elaborate, as that would ruin Cooper and Hizli’s carefully constructed twist-strewn narrative, so all I’ll say is this: Am I Being Unreasonable? is a rare treat. Clever, funny, odd, heartfelt and utterly unpredictable, it’s one of the best things I’ve seen on TV this year. 

And I’ve seen quite a few things on TV this year.

David Wilson’s Crime Files: Cold Cases – Tuesday, BBC Scotland, 10pm

Criminologist David Wilson begins his latest series with the sad saga of Jean Milne, a wealthy Broughty Ferry spinster who was once found murdered in her mansion. This all took place back in 1912. The case remains unsolved. 

Wilson meets with Professor Niamh Nic Daéid from Dundee University. Daéid and her colleagues were commissioned to re-examine the case through a modern lens. They pore over the historical details while revealing the various ways in which forensic science has progressed since the early 20^th century. 

Wilson also talks to the leading member of a team devoted to some new forms of DNA analysis that could revolutionize cold case investigations.

The Elon Musk Show – Wednesday, BBC Two, 9pm

Despite its title, this isn’t a wildly misjudged light entertainment extravaganza hosted by the controversial billionaire. Let’s hope he makes that one day, though, as it does sound like the sort of stupid thing he’d produce on a midnight whim. 

What we’re presented with instead is a three-part account of his inexorable rise and eventual domination of the cosmos, featuring contributions from friends, family members, employees and enemies of the world’s richest man. Preview copies weren’t available, but I think it’s safe to assume that this will be absolutely fascinating. 

Musk is a deeply strange person who wields extraordinary power. A nerd who sought revenge and won. He probably won’t be satisfied until Earth is renamed in his honour.

This England – Wednesday, Sky Atlantic, 9pm

Please note that certain scenes this week may prove distressing to some viewers. If you’ve been following Michael Winterbottom’s bleakly riveting factual drama about the Johnson government’s mishandling of the pandemic, then you’ll know what I’m alluding to. 

Do not watch if you’re likely to become upset, I can’t stress that enough. 

And therein lies the difficulty of This England. It’s an important piece of work, it accurately lays bare the catastrophic incompetence of our glorious leaders, but many of us are still grieving for loved ones lost during the pandemic. 

However, I’m not for a moment suggesting that it shouldn’t have been made. I admire its anger and compassion. It can’t pull any punches, otherwise what’s the point?

I Hate You – Thursday, Channel 4, 10pm

A new sitcom from Robert Popper of Friday Night Dinner renown, I Hate You revolves around two (sort of) fondly bickering twentysomething flatmates. 

If you have kids and enjoyed watching Friday Night Dinner with them, do bear in mind that Popper’s latest isn’t aimed at the same audience. And that’s fine, obviously. Popper is a versatile and often inspired comic writer who enjoys trying different things. 

Unfortunately, I Hate You isn’t funny. It’s shallow, stilted and annoying. 

Our mildly dysfunctional protagonists are played by newcomers Tanya Reynolds and Melissa Saint. They’re very good, they have a natural rapport, but middle-class London coffee kids fretting over wacky dates and suchlike? We’ve seen it all before.

Being Jewish in Scotland – Thursday, BBC Scotland, 10:30pm

This intimate documentary features revealing contributions from a diverse range of Jewish people living in Scotland today. 

Scotland was once home to around 20 dedicated synagogues. Only six remain. But the Jewish community is in vibrant health. 

We encounter engaging characters such as the senior religious leader Rabbi Moshi Rubin, plus Mark and his mother Doreen, who run the only kosher deli in the country. The message is inclusive and uplifting. 

One of the interviewees, Kathy, is a holocaust survivor who settled in Scotland over 40 years ago. “I fell in love with Scotland… I felt that the Scots suffered over the centuries just like the Jews suffered over the centuries… and I felt that I may just fit in.”

Unreported World – Friday, Channel 4, 7:30pm

Viewer discretion is once again advised as the latest series of this venerable global current affairs programme begins. It follows private detectives and armed bounty hunters trying to rescue teenagers from Houston's sex trafficking underworld. 

Reporter Yousra Elbagir uncovers some utterly heart-breaking stories. As always when previewing programmes of this highly sensitive nature, I won’t go into any potentially upsetting detail. My synopsis hopefully provides all the basic information and trigger warnings you require. 

Unreported World, which has been running continuously for 22 years in a pre-watershed slot, presents itself with the utmost integrity and sensitivity. It’s a vital piece of television journalism.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Sorry, I Didn’t Know – Sunday 2nd October, STV

Jimmy Akingbola hosts this genial panel show in which various comics of colour shoot the breeze about Black British history. 

There’s really no competitive aspect as such, the relaxed banter supports the educational aspect and vice versa. Its point is worn lightly yet sincerely. 

Where else will you find a big weekend ITV quiz show in which one of the answers involves an unsung Caribbean historical figure with “utopian political ideals”? A show in which we naturally pinball around a series of questions about Marcus Rashford, MF Doom, Mount Kilimanjaro and cult 1970s funk musicians? 

It’s an assured piece of entertainment. Actual fun ensues.

Unbreakable – Thursday 6th October, BBC One

Blandness personified, this formulaic faux-romantic rubbish involves six celebrities and their partners as they attempt to prove just how much they love each other via various safely harnessed tasks. 

If it starred Richard, Judy and The Krankies, that would be quite something. A potential classic. Inevitably, it does not star any of those people. 

Now, as anyone who’s ever followed this column will know, I’m not opposed to daft light entertainment. Far from it, I embrace television in all its myriad forms. God knows we need some silly respite from everything we have to deal with in the real world. 

But this is just a waste of our time.

THEN BARBARA MET ALAN + JOANNA LUMLEY'S GREAT CITIES OF THE WORLD + BRIDGE OF LIES

This article was originally published in The Courier on 19th March 2022. 

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Then Barbara Met Alan – Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

This excellent standalone drama tells the true story of two alternative cabaret performers who became the driving force behind a direct‐action campaign that led to the passing of the 1995 Disability Discrimination Act. 

It’s a love story. But above all else it’s an angry, humane and irreverent assault on terribly patronising attitudes towards people with disabilities. We’ve moved on since then, but it’s worth bearing in mind that this all took place just 30 years ago. In the supposedly groovy and enlightened 1990s. 

Society changes for the better incrementally, in large part thanks to bold, eloquent civil rights activists such as Barbara and Alan. Writers Genevieve Barr and Jack Thorne make their point with commendable wit and sensitivity.

The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up to Cancer – Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm

Noel Fielding and Matt Lucas begin their annual charity diversion alongside TV presenter Emma Willis, Radio One DJ Clara Amfo, Blake ‘Inbetweeners’ Harrison and comedian Alex Horne. As always, judges Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith snoop about in the background while awareness of a good cause is raised. 

In episode one, the contestants are tasked with making intricately decorated biscuits, some madeleines (that’s apparently a sort of cross between a cookie and a cupcake), and a decorative pastry sculpture that somehow reflects their character. 

I will never understand the appeal of cakes or programmes about cakes, but to each our own. I’m only recommending this because I know some of you will want to watch it. Enjoy! 

Rock Till We Drop – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

In the final episode of this uplifting series, our seasoned rock bands perform at the Isle of Wight Festival. I defy anyone to resist the cockle‐warming joy of their moment in the sun. 

As guitarist Leburn says with a knowing smile: “I was born to do this. I have lived my life to do this. I could die after this show and that would be perfectly fine with me.” 

What a lovely endeavour this has been, a modest tribute to creative people who never wanted to work Nine to Five. Not that there’s anything wrong with a workaday existence, we’re all slaves to fortune, but some folk belong on a stage. Even if it is just for one day.

British Grandma on Death Row with Susanna Reid – Tuesday, STV, 9pm

We’re all sophisticated adults here, so let’s gloss over the fact that the clumsily worded title of this programme implies that Susanna Reid is doing some serious stir with an elderly lady. 

Linda Carty is the only British woman on death row anywhere in the western world. She’s been awaiting her fatal sentence for almost 20 years. Carty has always maintained that she’s not guilty of her alleged crime, the details of which are so horrific I daren’t share them with you here. Far too upsetting. 

Needless to say, this is a sobering programme, but Reid handles the central issue in a fairly nuanced way. It’s a halfway acceptable article of gloomy tabloid television. You have been warned.

The Simpler Life – Tuesday and Wednesday, Channel 4, 9:15pm and 9pm

Modern life is rubbish. We all know that. But would we be any better off by returning to the olden days? When life was simpler and more rural? Well, no. 

You’ve seen versions of this programme a thousand times before, ‘a ground‐breaking experiment’ in which a bunch of volunteers reject the trappings of contemporary society to see what we can learn from living off the land. 

This lot ‐ 24 total strangers ‐ are pretending to be Amish in the vicinity of actual Amish people. The whole thing is remotely overseen by psychologists, who chip in now and again to provide some analysis of how they’re getting on. Its heart, I suppose, is located in the right place.

The Witchfinder – Tuesday, BBC Two, 10pm

This sitcom from the Gibbons brothers of Alan Partridge renown got off to a slightly shaky start, but it really is worth sticking with. 

At heart it’s a traditional odd couple screwball comedy road trip in which a foolish man (Tim Key) is repeatedly rescued and undermined by a sharp‐witted woman (Daisy May Cooper). Their chemistry is rather delightful. 

This week the witchfinder tries to steal some bees while proving his worth as a woodland hunter. His ‘prisoner’ isn’t impressed. The Witchfinder is funny. Most of the jokes land. The characters and narrative are engaging. My only complaint is that the brilliant Jessica Hynes is underused. She deserves a more substantial role. Otherwise, two withered thumbs up.

Joanna Lumley’s Great Cities of the World – Thursday, STV, 9pm

This week’s stunningly beautiful destination is Rome. The ever‐ready Lumley arrives in town on the back of a Vespa. Moments later she’s throwing coins into a fountain for luck while delivering various pocket history lessons. 

She also meets a delightful old photographer who chronicled all the great stars during their visits to Rome. Jagger, Ali, Audrey Hepburn, you name ‘em, this chap snapped ‘em. Other highlights include a private tour of the Sistine Chapel and an interview with 94‐year‐old Italian film sensation Gina Lollobrigida, who offers a few glimpses into her fascinating life. 

Nessuna sorpresa (yes, I did just Google Translate that), Lumley can speak Italian. She is, after all, a cultured citizen of the world.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Top of the Pops: The Story of 1991 – Saturday 12th March, BBC Two

This documentary was supposed to go out last year when BBC Four launched its run of TOTP repeats from 1991, but better late than never. 

It was a typically smart, warm and witty compendium of that year’s pop‐crazed highlights, chief among them being the overground emergence of rave culture, hip ‘indie’ bands such as Blur crossing over into the mainstream, and the magnificent pop‐art subversion of The KLF. 

It also challenged the widely held belief that Kurt Cobain deliberately sabotaged Nirvana’s infamous performance of Smells Like Teen Spirit. Well maybe he did, but according to those who were there that day, his ludicrous baritone was caused by a heavy cold. Rock and roll.

Bridge of Lies – Monday 14th March to Friday 18th March, BBC One

A daytime quiz hosted by TV Hardman ™ Ross Kemp? There was just no way I could resist watching that. It’s such an inherently odd and intriguing concept. But I regret to report that Kemp is a blandly competent host. 

His fellow EastEnders alumnus Danny Dyer scored big with The Wall because his blatant unsuitability for the role is an amusing gift that keeps on giving. And Dyer, even in his confused and bleary state, is capable of ramping up some drama. Kemp just politely goes through the motions like the pro he is. And where’s the fun in that? 

The game itself involves contestants answering questions while crossing a virtual bridge. It’s enjoyable enough. Final answer: meh.

 

THE WITCHFINDER + KATIE PRICE: WHAT HARVEY DID NEXT + OUR HOUSE

This article was originally published in The Courier on 5th March 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

The Witchfinder – Tuesday, BBC Two, 10pm

This promising new sitcom is written and directed by Neil and Rob Gibbons, a sibling duo who, since 2010, have been responsible for some of the greatest ever Alan Partridge material. 

Set in mid-17^th century England against a tumultuous backdrop of civil war, plague and deranged religious zealotry, it stars Tim Key (aka Sidekick Simon) as a hapless witchfinder, Jessica Hynes as his long-suffering assistant, and Daisy May Cooper from This Country as a sardonic woman accused of witchery. 

Python and Blackadder are the obvious touchstones, and there’s no denying that Key’s character – a pompous fool who desperately craves recognition – is in the Partridge mould. But The Witchfinder is still funny on its own farcical terms.

Katie Price: What Harvey Did Next – Monday, BBC One, 9pm

Last year, as you may recall, Katie Price and her teenage son Harvey participated in a tender documentary about their personal circumstances. This is the follow-up. 

Harvey has a complex variety of rare medical and behavioural conditions, which can make life difficult for him. The programme follows Harvey as he embarks upon a major rite of passage: leaving home for college, where he’ll stay for the next three years. Katie and Harvey are understandably anxious, but the brilliant support staff – a credit to their profession – ensure that this transition runs as smoothly as possible. 

It’s a touching portrait of a young man with learning difficulties gradually gaining independence, while a doting mother deals with her own mental health.

Our House – Monday to Thursday, STV, 9pm

Martin Compston and Tuppence Middleton star in this psychological thriller about a divorced couple who make a fragile living arrangement for the sake of their children. And then, of course, it all goes horribly wrong. 

Based on a critically acclaimed bestseller by Louise Candlish, Our House is blighted by stilted dialogue and a faulty narrative structure. The flashbacks are supposed to invite intrigue, but the overall effect is enervating. I only had access to episode one, so for all I know it might reveal tremendous hidden depths by the end. But I doubt it. 

It’s just another instalment in ITV’s never-ending cavalcade of generic kitchen island thrillers. Compston and Middleton do their best, but the material is beyond salvation

Stacey Dooley: Inside the Convent – Monday, BBC One, 10:35pm

Dooley isn’t religious, but for the purposes of her latest investigative report she’s decided to reconsider her belief system while spending ten days in a small convent with some delightful Anglican nuns. 

They observe three key vows: poverty, obedience and celibacy. It’s a strictly-scheduled and repetitive existence, but they all seem happy enough. And it’s not as if they aren’t aware of the sacrifice they’ve made. Some of them admit to having wavered at times, but their faith in God is unstinting. 

Dooley, as always, strikes up a natural rapport with her interviewees. She returns, gently and without judgement, to a central question: how can you have devout faith in a world so beleaguered with cruelty and injustice?

Interior Design Masters with Alan Carr – Wednesday, BBC One, 9pm

A textbook piece of competitive lifestyle television, this returning series pits ten aspiring interior designers against each other. Each week they have to magically transform various commercial spaces while impressing a formidable panel of design gurus including Michelle Ogundehin and Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen. 

The grand prize is a locked-contract with a luxury Cornwall hotel. Meanwhile, host Alan Carr picks up an easy paycheque. 

“I would class myself as a creative genius” boasts a designer who looks like Alan Rickman auditioning for a spaniel-only remake of Easy Rider. The contestants all say things like that, but we know how TV works in this post-Big Brother/Apprentice age. The producers cajole them into sounding as silly as possible.

Michael Mosley: Who Made Britain Fat? – Wednesday, Channel 4, 9pm

As you’ve no doubt surmised from the baldly descriptive title, Britain’s obesity problem is the subject of this new two-part series hosted by genial medical expert Michael Mosley. 

I haven’t seen the programme, previews weren’t available, but it sounds like a rather searching critique of successive governmental failures to effectively tackle the issue, no matter how many supposedly helpful policies they launch. 

Mosley, an unassuming man with a quietly authoritative grasp of well-researched facts, puts forward his own theories with regards to how the crisis can be solved without adding further harm to an already sorely tested NHS. He’s always worth listening to.  In episode one, Mosley’s interviewees include celebrity chef and patently sincere child health campaigner Jamie Oliver.

Grantchester – Friday, STV, 9pm

This ecclesiastical detective drama obviously hasn’t been the same since original star James Norton (TV critic cliché alert) hung up his dog collar, but it’s still a fairly enjoyable clue-sniffing distraction. It whiles away an hour in an entirely inoffensive way. Last of the Summer Crime, if you will. All Murders Great and Small. 

The latest series begins with the discovery of a corpse in the grounds of a struggling ancestral estate. But never mind that, it looks like our intrepid vicar hero could be smitten with a mysterious woman he meets in one of those new-fangled late 1950s jazz clubs. Meanwhile, Geordie (the ever-reliable Robson Green) tries to get back together with his estranged wife.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Peaky Blinders – Sunday 27th February, BBC One

And so, the end is near. As the final series of this stylised Shakespearean gangster tragedy got underway, the untimely passing of the great Helen McCrory was tastefully handled within the first ten minutes. Writer Stephen Knight killed her character off, the dreadful deed unseen for obvious reasons, but she’s not forgotten. Her vital role in this saga endures. 

The huge mainstream success of Peaky Blinders has been rather heartening. It is, after all, a fairly offbeat piece of work. But its unique qualities – that combination of hallucinatory psychodrama, vivid characters, a compelling storyline and a thickly clotted bloodstream of mordant wit – struck a clanging chord with viewers. It will be missed. But for now let’s enjoy its last hurrah.

Stanley Tucci: Searching for Italy – Sunday February 27, BBC Two

The actor Stanely Tucci is elegant charm personified. A dry-witted fellow with a passion for life. So no wonder this new series is an enjoyable confection. What’s not to like about a culinary travelogue in which a charismatic guide celebrates the sights, sounds, tastes and smells of various Italian cities? Superior comfort viewing. 

In episode one, Tucci visited Naples and the Amalfi Coast. It wasn’t an entirely cosy endeavour – Tucci explored the often troubled history of these regions – but his M.O. is basically this: Italy is a wonderful country, it has contributed so much to our cultural palette, and wouldn’t you just love to eat a slice of pizza while admiring some art? Well yes, Stanley, I would. 

IT'S A SIN + AN ENDLESS PROCESSION OF CELEBRITIES WANDERING AROUND BRITAIN

This article was originally published in The Courier on 13th February 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

It’s a Sin – Friday, Channel 4, 9pm

Over the last five weeks, I’ve taken the unprecedented and quite frankly maverick step of choosing the same show as my highlight of the week. That’s because nothing has come close to It’s a Sin, the Russell T. Davies-penned drama about a group of friends dealing with the AIDS crisis. 

And now it comes to an end. 

Ritchie (Olly Alexander) is seriously ill at home on the Isle of Wight. His formidable mother (a strikingly nuanced turn from Keeley Hawes) struggles to cope with her pain, anger and confusion. A near-continuous shot through the corridors and wards of a hospital where patients are dying of AIDS is breath-taking. It’s a Sin will linger for a very long time.

Jay and Dom’s Home Fix – Monday, BBC One, 3:45pm

During the pandemic, I’ve become mildly obsessed with the increasingly obvious ways in which TV has been forced to operate. This new series is a case in point. 

It stars the genial Jay Blades and Dom Chinea from The Repair Shop, as they beaver away in their socially distanced workshop. Their M.O: provide some practical money-saving DIY advice, which is apparently easy to follow for viewers who aren’t, like me, incompetent Frank Spencer types. 

But their segments are padded out with a compendium of emergency archive clips from gently hands-on lifestyle shows such as Flog It!, Gardener’s World and Monty Don’s Big Dreams, Small Spaces. Yet despite its blatantly cobbled-together nature, it’s a perfectly pleasant distraction.

Joanna Lumley’s Home Sweet Home: Travels in My Own Land – Tuesday, STV, 8pm

This week’s travel-heavy schedules feel like a sadistic joke orchestrated by a phalanx of ostensibly inoffensive celebrities hell-bent on reminding us of the wonderful world outside our hermetic lockdown bubbles. 

During the final leg of her entirely random sojourn around Britain, Lumley and her spectacular array of scarves, snoods and sou’westers visit a Victorian slate-mining settlement in the misty mountains of Snowdonia. She also meets the GoCompare opera singer. 

While travelling through Devon and Cornwall (more of which below), she observes some Dartmoor druids performing an incantation, before ending where she began with another member of the Windrush Generation. A 95-year-old former musician, he’s glad to have lived to see numerous positive changes in this country.

Grand Tours of Scotland’s Lochs – Wednesday, BBC One, 7:30pm

In which the permanently be-hatted, neckerchief-swaddled, backpack-laden and always engaging Paul Murton returns for another informative Loch-side ramble. 

He begins his latest series on the beauteous Isle of Skye, with ancient myths and legends coursing through his mind. He sows a neatly sprawling tapestry of plundering Vikings, ancient Highland bagpipe traditions, gruesome feuds and battles, and a beatific visitation from Donovan, who once owned three of the surrounding islands during his high Arcadian ‘60s heyday. 

Murton also touches upon the horrific story of the Hebridean slaves, that most extreme example of 18^th century Scots being forced to leave their homes while under the governance of despicable land barons. I’m looking at you, Norman MacLeod.

Cornwall and Devon Walks with Julia Bradbury – Wednesday, STV, 8pm

And those feet just keep on walking. This week, Bradbury’s never-ending hike takes her to a vineyard in Totness and a massive house in Dartmouth that once belonged to Agatha Christie. 

Yomping travelogues such as this have been parodied so often over the years - by Alan Partridge in particular – you would think they’d be dead in the water. But no, they march on undaunted, impervious to satire. 

What with this, Lumley’s programme and John Nettles’ preposterously narrated Channel 4 series, there can’t be a single square inch of Devon and Cornwall that hasn’t been explored on television by now. Enough already. 

The logical next step: Gregg Wallace floating alone in the infinite depths of space.

Extraordinary Escapes with Sandi Toksvig – Wednesday, Channel 4, 9pm

I wish I was making this up for hilariously satirical effect, but here’s yet another cosy jaunt around the British Isles. 

If you happened to read last week’s column, then you may dimly recall the drill: each week, Toksvig and a famous female pal visit remote British locations and stay in unusual lodgings. Toksvig provides a few pertinent historical titbits. Sometimes they drink cocktails. There is literally nothing more to it than that. 

Her minibreak companion this time around is Jessica Hynes. An affable duo, they luxuriate in a lovingly restored 19^th century windmill, an 18^th century farmhouse located in the middle of a nature reserve, and a stylish glass-fronted beach house. So that’s nice, isn’t it?

LAST WEEK’S TV

Forensics: The Real CSI – Tuesday 9th February, BBC Two

“Hello. I’ve just murdered my wife.” 

So began the latest series of this sombre study of crime scene investigators. It followed forensic specialists from Birmingham as they carefully pieced together an accurate report on a brutal domestic murder. The husband may have confessed during his initial call to emergency services, but they couldn’t guarantee that he would stick to his story. There were no witnesses. Inevitably, they got him in the end. 

I’m always in two minds about shows of this nature. They’re technically well-made and relatively sensitive. They provide compelling insight into how the police and forensic investigators operate. But they also feed off terrible tragedies, and I feel guilty for getting drawn in.

Amazing Hotels: Life Beyond the Lobby – Thursday February 11, BBC Two

We really don’t need another series of this jet-setting trash in which MasterChef judge Monica Galetti and the vile journalist Giles Coren – a man in his fifties who still hasn’t learned how to eat with his trap shut – visit various five-star hotels. 

There’s no wry commentary a la Alan Whicker or Louis Theroux, no suggestion that this luxury is repugnant and deranged: it’s an uncritical celebration of how the 1% live. 

Oh, it pays lip service to issues such as the environment and the local economy, and the hosts briefly muck in behind-the-scenes, but their efforts are perfunctory and patronising: these factotums work jolly hard, don’t they? Now, let’s have a glass of morning champagne! 

Horrible, horrible television.

 

 

CORONATION STREET: STORIES THAT GRIPPED THE NATION

This article was originally published in The Courier on 4th July 2020.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

CORONATION STREET: STORIES THAT GRIPPED THE NATION

Monday, STV, 8:30pm

Over the last few months, the Corrie team have carefully rationed the phalanx of episodes they recorded before the world went to pieces. Production is set to resume soon, but this emergency package of compilations should help to bridge any potential gap in proceedings. It’s pure nostalgia, shameless filler, Just Another Clip Show, but there’s a lot to be said for that in times of crisis. Don’t ever underestimate the mild power of mindless escapism, especially when it involves the greatest soap ever baked. It begins with the explosive Mike, Deirdre and Ken love triangle. Of course it does. Mercifully, for once there are no superfluous talking heads, just loads of clips and some affectionate narration from Jason Manford.

THE SECRETS SHE KEEPS

Monday and Tuesday, BBC One, 9pm     

Agatha is a lonely supermarket employee who is about to give birth. She becomes obsessed with Meghan, a pregnant woman with a perfect upper middle-class lifestyle (she’s forever chopping vegetables on her kitchen island). Inevitably, Meghan’s world isn’t as peachy as it seems. This risible Australian psychological thriller – Peyton Place with delusions of grandeur - thinks it’s blowing minds with a series of massively signposted twists etched in flaming neon letters. Laura Carmichael (Lady Edith from Downtown Abbey) almost transcends her surroundings with a fairly sensitive performance, but there’s no getting around the fact that Agatha embodies the offensive stereotype of people with mental health issues as figures to be pitied and feared. It’s 2020, we’re supposed to be better than this. 

BEING BEETHOVEN

Monday, BBC Four, 9pm

Ludwig Van Beethoven was a child prodigy, a natural born genius who was never given the opportunity to be anything else. That’s the poignant theme of the first instalment in this insightful series, which strips away the layers of myth to reveal the human being underneath. An estimable symphony of classical musicians and musicologists rake over Beethoven’s traumatic childhood. One of them, with affection, describes him as “a tiny, friendless, grubby kid who was somehow always in a world of his own all the time.” Fans of that other notable pop genius, Brian Wilson, will recognise the contours of this story: Beethoven’s dad was an aggressive alcoholic and frustrated musician. Peter Capaldi narrates passages from the great man’s jottings.  

THERE SHE GOES

Thursday, BBC Two, 9:30pm

The daughter of writers Shaun Pye and Sarah Crawford was born with an extremely rare, severe and undiagnosed learning disability. They’ve funnelled their experience into this admirably honest and entirely unsentimental comedy-drama, which first appeared on BBC Four in 2018. Series two picks up the story eighteen months later. As before, occasional flashbacks are employed to place their situation in ever-changing context. David Tennant and Jessica Hynes are low-key convincing as the parents of a child whose very existence makes well-meaning people feel uncomfortable. But There She Goes gains its strength from a determined refusal to preach or judge. Life isn’t etched in black and white, it’s strange, sad, difficult and funny. Profound, I know.

LAST WEEK’S TV

COMEDIANS: HOME ALONE

Monday 29th June, BBC Two

One day, probably next year, we’ll be treated to a compilation of clips from programmes made during the Covid-19 pandemic. An important historical document. Footage from this hastily cobbled-together sketch show will almost certainly be included. Future generations will look back in confusion at that strange time when bedraggled famous faces broadcasting pointless froth from the lockdown safety of their own homes was briefly normal; like that scene towards the end of Threads, when post-apocalyptic children gaze uncomprehendingly at crackly VHS footage of Words and Pictures. The penultimate episode featured contributions from the witless Russell Kane and those insufferably smug My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast dullards. World’s Funniest Man Bob Mortimer solemnly providing a list of silly cat names (Gustav Hosiery; The Gift of Barry; Brigadier Knickers) was the sole highlight. God help us if there’s an actual war.