THEN BARBARA MET ALAN + JOANNA LUMLEY'S GREAT CITIES OF THE WORLD + BRIDGE OF LIES

This article was originally published in The Courier on 19th March 2022. 

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Then Barbara Met Alan – Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

This excellent standalone drama tells the true story of two alternative cabaret performers who became the driving force behind a direct‐action campaign that led to the passing of the 1995 Disability Discrimination Act. 

It’s a love story. But above all else it’s an angry, humane and irreverent assault on terribly patronising attitudes towards people with disabilities. We’ve moved on since then, but it’s worth bearing in mind that this all took place just 30 years ago. In the supposedly groovy and enlightened 1990s. 

Society changes for the better incrementally, in large part thanks to bold, eloquent civil rights activists such as Barbara and Alan. Writers Genevieve Barr and Jack Thorne make their point with commendable wit and sensitivity.

The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up to Cancer – Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm

Noel Fielding and Matt Lucas begin their annual charity diversion alongside TV presenter Emma Willis, Radio One DJ Clara Amfo, Blake ‘Inbetweeners’ Harrison and comedian Alex Horne. As always, judges Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith snoop about in the background while awareness of a good cause is raised. 

In episode one, the contestants are tasked with making intricately decorated biscuits, some madeleines (that’s apparently a sort of cross between a cookie and a cupcake), and a decorative pastry sculpture that somehow reflects their character. 

I will never understand the appeal of cakes or programmes about cakes, but to each our own. I’m only recommending this because I know some of you will want to watch it. Enjoy! 

Rock Till We Drop – Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

In the final episode of this uplifting series, our seasoned rock bands perform at the Isle of Wight Festival. I defy anyone to resist the cockle‐warming joy of their moment in the sun. 

As guitarist Leburn says with a knowing smile: “I was born to do this. I have lived my life to do this. I could die after this show and that would be perfectly fine with me.” 

What a lovely endeavour this has been, a modest tribute to creative people who never wanted to work Nine to Five. Not that there’s anything wrong with a workaday existence, we’re all slaves to fortune, but some folk belong on a stage. Even if it is just for one day.

British Grandma on Death Row with Susanna Reid – Tuesday, STV, 9pm

We’re all sophisticated adults here, so let’s gloss over the fact that the clumsily worded title of this programme implies that Susanna Reid is doing some serious stir with an elderly lady. 

Linda Carty is the only British woman on death row anywhere in the western world. She’s been awaiting her fatal sentence for almost 20 years. Carty has always maintained that she’s not guilty of her alleged crime, the details of which are so horrific I daren’t share them with you here. Far too upsetting. 

Needless to say, this is a sobering programme, but Reid handles the central issue in a fairly nuanced way. It’s a halfway acceptable article of gloomy tabloid television. You have been warned.

The Simpler Life – Tuesday and Wednesday, Channel 4, 9:15pm and 9pm

Modern life is rubbish. We all know that. But would we be any better off by returning to the olden days? When life was simpler and more rural? Well, no. 

You’ve seen versions of this programme a thousand times before, ‘a ground‐breaking experiment’ in which a bunch of volunteers reject the trappings of contemporary society to see what we can learn from living off the land. 

This lot ‐ 24 total strangers ‐ are pretending to be Amish in the vicinity of actual Amish people. The whole thing is remotely overseen by psychologists, who chip in now and again to provide some analysis of how they’re getting on. Its heart, I suppose, is located in the right place.

The Witchfinder – Tuesday, BBC Two, 10pm

This sitcom from the Gibbons brothers of Alan Partridge renown got off to a slightly shaky start, but it really is worth sticking with. 

At heart it’s a traditional odd couple screwball comedy road trip in which a foolish man (Tim Key) is repeatedly rescued and undermined by a sharp‐witted woman (Daisy May Cooper). Their chemistry is rather delightful. 

This week the witchfinder tries to steal some bees while proving his worth as a woodland hunter. His ‘prisoner’ isn’t impressed. The Witchfinder is funny. Most of the jokes land. The characters and narrative are engaging. My only complaint is that the brilliant Jessica Hynes is underused. She deserves a more substantial role. Otherwise, two withered thumbs up.

Joanna Lumley’s Great Cities of the World – Thursday, STV, 9pm

This week’s stunningly beautiful destination is Rome. The ever‐ready Lumley arrives in town on the back of a Vespa. Moments later she’s throwing coins into a fountain for luck while delivering various pocket history lessons. 

She also meets a delightful old photographer who chronicled all the great stars during their visits to Rome. Jagger, Ali, Audrey Hepburn, you name ‘em, this chap snapped ‘em. Other highlights include a private tour of the Sistine Chapel and an interview with 94‐year‐old Italian film sensation Gina Lollobrigida, who offers a few glimpses into her fascinating life. 

Nessuna sorpresa (yes, I did just Google Translate that), Lumley can speak Italian. She is, after all, a cultured citizen of the world.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Top of the Pops: The Story of 1991 – Saturday 12th March, BBC Two

This documentary was supposed to go out last year when BBC Four launched its run of TOTP repeats from 1991, but better late than never. 

It was a typically smart, warm and witty compendium of that year’s pop‐crazed highlights, chief among them being the overground emergence of rave culture, hip ‘indie’ bands such as Blur crossing over into the mainstream, and the magnificent pop‐art subversion of The KLF. 

It also challenged the widely held belief that Kurt Cobain deliberately sabotaged Nirvana’s infamous performance of Smells Like Teen Spirit. Well maybe he did, but according to those who were there that day, his ludicrous baritone was caused by a heavy cold. Rock and roll.

Bridge of Lies – Monday 14th March to Friday 18th March, BBC One

A daytime quiz hosted by TV Hardman ™ Ross Kemp? There was just no way I could resist watching that. It’s such an inherently odd and intriguing concept. But I regret to report that Kemp is a blandly competent host. 

His fellow EastEnders alumnus Danny Dyer scored big with The Wall because his blatant unsuitability for the role is an amusing gift that keeps on giving. And Dyer, even in his confused and bleary state, is capable of ramping up some drama. Kemp just politely goes through the motions like the pro he is. And where’s the fun in that? 

The game itself involves contestants answering questions while crossing a virtual bridge. It’s enjoyable enough. Final answer: meh.

 

DON'T EXCLUDE ME + 28 UP: MILLENNIUM GENERATION + HITMEN RELOADED

This article was originally published in The Courier on 25th September 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Don’t Exclude Me – Thursday, BBC Two, 9pm

The rate of school exclusions in Britain for five to six-year-olds has doubled in the last three years. This sensitive new series visits a primary school which, like so many schools, struggles to cope with the extreme behaviours of certain pupils. 

Enter the aptly-named behavioural expert Marie Gentles, who has spent the last ten years working with excluded children. She gradually forms close professional relationships with the kids, their parents and teachers, in the hope of making life better for all concerned. 

The children she meets come across as bright and sensitive, but they’re prone to sudden angry outbursts; no one so far has been able to explain why. Gentles, a beacon of kindness, works realistic wonders.

The Goes Wrong Show – Monday, BBC One, 8:30pm

The Mischief Theatre company are renowned for their knockabout send-ups of incompetent amateur dramatic productions. I’m reliably informed that their live shows are great fun, but my only exposure to them has been via these middling TV adaptations. Something has presumably been lost in translation. 

It strikes me as a purely theatrical conceit, ill-suited to the necessary constraints of being filmed in a television studio. The blatantly tweaked audience laughter track doesn’t help. 

I don’t want to be too down on this utterly harmless show, it’s an agreeable enough piece of family entertainment written and performed by a capable cast. Unfortunately, for me, the joke wears thin in this context. It’s like an overextended Crackerjack sketch. Great. I feel terrible now.

24 Hours in Police Custody – Monday, Channel 4, 9pm

Please take heed: this is a particularly gruelling episode of a series that’s seldom upbeat at the best of times. It chronicles the case of a man who, in broad daylight, invaded a house and brutally assaulted the inhabitants: a woman, her daughter and teenage grandniece. 

The police captured a clear image of the attacker on CCTV: a brothel owner and human trafficker with a string of GBH offences. They also had his fingerprints. Unfortunately, the investigation was placed in jeopardy when an understandably angry and entirely well-meaning family member shared the CCTV footage on social media. He also offered a £20,000 ransom award. Naturally, the attacker fled the country. 

An uncomfortable hour of television. Don’t have nightmares.

28 Up: Millennium Generation – Wednesday, BBC One, 9pm

A 21^st century spin-off from Michael Apted’s seminal 7 Up project, this valuable social document has now reached its fourth chapter. 

You know the premise: British kids from various walks of life are filmed at seven-year intervals; an anthropological study that tells us something about the ways in which society has changed during their lifetimes. 

Episode one catches up with Sanchez, who is now a Black Lives Matter campaigner and a DJ for BBC Leeds. We also reconvene with Gemma, a disabled woman who works with children from disadvantaged backgrounds, and Courtney, a trainee teacher devoted to pupils with additional needs. 

Call me a pie-eyed optimist if you will, but this generation provides some hope for the future.

Hollington Drive – Wednesday, STV, 9pm

Set in an idyllic suburb where most of the dwellings look like luxury show homes, this psychological thriller stars Anna Maxwell Martin and Rachael Stirling as sisters with a tense, brittle relationship. 

When a 10-year-old boy goes missing from the neighbourhood, Theresa (Maxwell Martin, excellent as always) begins to suspect that her son might be involved. This is one of those chilly dramas in which no one really seems to like each other. That constant buzz of passive-aggression is quite exhausting. 

Despite the sombre subject matter and gradual drip-feed of murky secrets, it’s curiously opaque and uninvolving. Imagine an unusually depressing episode of Knot’s Landing, then decide if that’s something you want to watch.

Hitmen Reloaded – Sky Showcase, 9pm

The cuddly comedy duo of Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins playing killers-for-hire is a daft, intriguing premise, and it was exploited to reasonable effect in series one of this sitcom. Now they’re back for another run. 

A black farce with a dash of warmth, it posits Mel and Sue as assassins who treat their job as exactly that: a workaday way of paying the bills while dealing with far bigger problems in their personal lives. 

Mel and Sue are a likeable team who’ve developed a natural chemistry after years of working together. They convince as daffy old middle-aged pals, because that’s what they are. And Sue is a surprisingly effective kick-ass action hero.

Richard Osman’s House of Games Night – Friday, BBC One, 8:30pm

An early evening cult hit of sorts on BBC Two for the last few years, Richard Osman’s House of Games is an inoffensive fancy in which celebrities compete via ‘esoteric’ trivia rounds. Last year during lockdown it filled an emergency gap on BBC One, which was presumably successful enough to warrant another series. 

So here he is, the enormous funster, presiding over the likes of Dara O’ Briain and Sian ‘Car Share’ Gibson as they attempt to answer questions about the unrelated provenance of test tube babies and the Teletubbies. 

It is what it is: a cheap, cheerful Friday night parlour game wreathed in whimsy. And well done to those of you at home who get the right answers.

LAST WEEK’S TV

When Nirvana Came to Britain – Saturday 18th September, BBC Two

We all know the story of how Nirvana, three nerdy punks from Seattle, became the world’s biggest band in the early 1990s. A brief freak triumph; an almost accidental assault on mainstream culture which ended in tragedy. 

But this decent little documentary reminded me that Nirvana were just a bunch of goofy, sensitive, talented kids who struck a nerve. They weren’t revolutionaries on a firebrand mission, they were ordinary human beings who made fellow outsiders feel better about themselves. 

Throughout the programme, surviving members Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic reflected fondly upon that period just before they became superstars: when they could still play impromptu acoustic sets in Edinburgh pubs. It was all rather sad and sweet.

Last Man Standing: Suge Knight and the Murders of Biggie and Tupac – Sunday 19th September, BBC Two

Presumably quite by accident, BBC Two continued its weekend theme of ‘90s pop tragedies with Nick Broomfield’s absorbing sequel to his 2002 film Biggie & Tupac. 

Suge Knight, the co-founder of Death Row records, has always been a chief suspect in the murders of rap stars Biggie Smalls and Tupac Shakur. He’s currently serving time for manslaughter, hence why Broomfield felt that his associates would be more willing to talk about him. And they were, to a cautious extent. Knight, a sadistic gangster, still has people on the outside. 

Broomfield’s main point was this: the LAPD is massively corrupt, they can’t be trusted. And Knight is an awful man. A sordid, angering saga.