ONCE UPON A TIME IN NORTHERN IRELAND | INSIDE NO. 9 | POKER FACE

This article was originally published in The Courier on 20th May 2023.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Once Upon a Time in Northern Ireland – Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

In this outstanding series, the history of The Troubles is relayed via frank testimonies from Catholics and Protestants who were surrounded by violence on a daily basis for almost 30 years. 

It begins with some of the people who lived through those early days of turmoil in the late 1960s and early 1970s. 

They include a man once known as “the best rioter in Derry”, a British soldier who was stationed in Derry, and a woman whose brother was shot and killed by the British Army on Bloody Sunday. These intimate interviews are accompanied by stark archive footage. 

Suffused with anger, grief and remorse, this is an incisive portrait of a political situation rife with painful complexities.

Scotland’s Home of the Year – Monday, BBC Scotland, 8:30pm

This week, genial judges Anna Campbell-Jones, Banjo Beale and Michael Angus visit a Victorian renovation in the village of Oldmeldrum, which is situated just a few miles outside of Aberdeen. They’re knocked out and sideways by this imaginatively stylised cottage. 

The praise continues at a chic modernist build in rural Aberdeenshire, which boasts a spacious yet welcoming interior plus some fabulous open views from its floor-to-ceiling windows, and a cosy self-built property in Orkney that takes full advantage of its stunning surroundings. 

If you follow this charming little show, then you’re aware that our experts are looking for homes packed with character and loving attention to detail. They’ve hit some kind of jackpot here.

Maryland – Monday to Wednesday, STV, 9pm

Suranne Jones and Eve Best star in this drama about estranged sisters struggling to solve the mystery of their late mother’s secret life. She was found dead at a beach on the Isle of Man, a place neither of her daughters have visited before. 

Becca (Jones) is warm and empathetic. Rosaline (Best) is a blunt pragmatist. Their awkward, mismatched yet essentially united dynamic is convincing. Families are complicated. And what does very special guest star Stockard Channing have to do with it all? 

Maryland, which was devised by Jones and writer Anne-Marie O’Connor, delivers several intriguing plot twists, but this is not your typical thriller-adjacent drama. It is, at heart, a ruminative character study. 

Grand Designs: The Streets – Tuesday, Channel 4, 9pm

Graven Hill is the UK’s largest and boldest self-build site. Grand Designs nabob Kevin McCloud has been following its development for quite some time. 

His latest catch-up stars Tim, who is about to move from a small flat in Bicester to his very own HQ in Graven Hill. Tim’s plans involve the construction of a basement in which he can tinker with his beloved motorbike collection. 

It doesn’t run smoothly, of course, ambitious projects never do in Grand Designs land. For one thing, a five-tonne car-lift he’s ordered from China doesn’t fit into the basement’s specially prepared hole. 

McCloud oversees Tim’s ordeal with his usual combination of wry distance and curbed enthusiasm. 

Storyville: Inside Kabul – Tuesday, BBC Four, 10pm

Marwa and Raha are friends who grew up in Kabul after the Taliban were defeated 20 years ago. This haunting animated documentary is based on voice notes they exchanged in the weeks and months following the Taliban’s return to power in 2021. 

Difficult decisions needed to be made. In the end, Raha decided to stay with her family, while Marwa fled the country with her husband. She had to leave her beloved parents and siblings behind. “I wish one day we could meet again,” she sobs, “but I’m not sure.” 

Marwa and her husband are trapped in limbo while awaiting to hear about their refugee application. Back in Kabul, Raha highlights the brutal reality of living under an oppressive regime.

Inside No. 9 – Thursday, BBC Two, 10pm

The final episode of this penultimate series is a gut-puncher. 

Pemberton and Shearsmith play a gay couple celebrating their 9^th anniversary in a tranquil Scottish holiday home. They’re happy, content, deeply in love, but gradually we're made aware of underlying complications. 

And that, as always, is all I can say with regards to the plot. Pemberton and Shearsmith are fully aware that we enjoy second-guessing them, that’s all part of the twisted Inside No. 9 fun, but they’re almost always several steps ahead of our expectations. 

Beautifully written, directed and performed, ‘The Last Weekend’ solidifies Inside No. 9’s rightful reputation as one of the best and most imaginative TV shows of the last ten years. 

Poker Face – Friday, Sky Showcase, 9pm

Created by Rian Johnson of Knives Out and Glass Onion renown, this witty murder mystery is openly indebted to the inverted ‘howcatchem’ Columbo format (it even copies the famous bold yellow title font). 

After witnessing a murder at the start of each episode, we follow a sleuthing protagonist as they join up all the dots. Our recurring hero in this case isn’t a detective, she’s Charlie, a wise, likeable, beer-supping cocktail waitress with a knack for sniffing out horse ordure. 

Charlie is played by the brilliant Natasha Lyonne from Orange is the New Black. Again, a la Columbo, the show boasts some big name guest stars. No sign of Shatner so far, but it’s only a matter of time. 

LAST WEEK’S TV

Ten Pound Poms – Sunday 14th May, BBC One

BBC One’s latest Sunday night period drama began with a PTSD-stricken soldier collapsing in a pool of booze and vomit. This, clearly, will not be a cosy nostalgic exercise. 

It follows said soldier and his family as they emigrate to Australia, a far-off land of unimaginable opportunity, an escape from the drudgery of post-war Britain. They wind up in what is effectively a shanty town. 

Ten Pound Poms isn’t just an interesting piece of social history, it highlights the eternally relevant plight of poor migrants trying to start new lives in nations riddled with overt and casual prejudice. 

Yes, that message is occasionally painted in rather broad strokes, but you can’t argue with its fundamental truth.

I Kissed a Boy – Sunday 14th May, BBC Three

In this upbeat dating show, ten young single gay men meet for the first time in a plush Italian villa. Those five potential couples have been matched up by the producers, who ask only one thing: they must kiss each other before indulging in any getting-to-know-you small talk. Will romance blossom from there? 

During the opening salvo we were introduced to Joseph from Nigeria, where homosexuality is illegal, and Mormon-raised Josh who’d never kissed a boy before. 

Programmes of this nature can often be cruel and exploitative, but I Kissed a Boy is an utterly benign endeavour. The lads are lovely and the overall message is empowering. 

THE CLEANER + THE SCOTTS + A HOUSE THROUGH TIME

This article was originally published in The Courier on 4th September 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

The Cleaner ‐ Friday, BBC One, 9:30pm

Greg Davies stars in this new sitcom about a crime scene cleaner with no emotional investment in the carnage he’s tasked with scrubbing. But then he meets a blood‐spattered murderer played by Helena Bonham Carter, who fascinates him strangely. 

Adapted by Davies from a critically acclaimed German series called Der Tatortreiniger, this ‐ as if you hadn’t already guessed ‐ is a black comedy farce. And it’s ideally suited to Davies’ disgruntled, bewildered, buffoonish middle‐aged man persona. 

Episode one is a tad self‐conscious in its efforts to establish an offbeat ‘anything goes’ tone, but it’s still quite entertaining. Davies is a naturally funny farceur and the premise is intriguing. There could be something here. 

The Scotts ‐ Monday, BBC One, 10:35pm

Written by and starring Iain Connell and Robert Florence of Burnistoun renown, this likeable sitcom charts the internecine dysfunction of an extended Scottish family and their best pals. 

Brothers Vincent and Henry are relatively normal, at least when compared to the absurdist characters Connell and Florence created for their sketch show. The Scotts is set in the real world or thereabouts. 

But don’t worry (if indeed you were), this isn’t an embarrassing bid for ‘mature artistic growth’ from the Burnistoun boys. It’s still very silly and acerbic, although it does have a bit of heart underneath all the ‘slaggings’ and cheerful crudity. 

Episode one revolves around failed attempts at familial bonding. You might relate to some of its anguish.

Wonders of Scotland with David Hayman ‐ Tuesday, STV, 7:30pm

The Scottish actor David Hayman was born and bred in Glasgow, but his roaming heart lies in the Highlands. This series is just another celebrity‐fronted travelogue, of course it is, but it’s elevated somewhat by Hayman’s seasoned gifts as an orator. His presentation style is borderline poetic and the man’s genuine passion for the project is never in doubt. 

Sure, Tam Weir did all of this years ago; that woolly‐hatted, dram‐thirsty bard was the Alan Whicker of Scotland’s highlands and islands. But Hayman is a worthy successor. His warm bath of a programme also illustrates how television has changed. Everyone Weir met looked terrified. Hayman’s interviewees are only too happy to banter on camera.

A House Through Time ‐ Tuesday, BBC Two, 9pm

The latest series of this expansive British history lesson is based in a three‐storey Victorian house in the suburbs of Leeds. As always, host David Olusoga examines the lives of those who have resided there over the years to compile a fascinating sociohistorical document. 

The very first resident was a progressive lawyer who devoted his career to protecting poor and vulnerable people. Among his successors were a ruthless factory owner, a traumatised soldier and a widowed war bride. 

Olusoga is an astute and rigorous historian. Although practiced in the art of sculpting richly detailed, colourful essays, he has no interest in sensationalism. A House Through Time is a humane endeavour; its yellowed chapters are thoughtful and revealing.

Death on the Common: My Mother’s Murder ‐ Tuesday, Channel 4, 10pm

When Alex Hanscombe was just two‐years‐old, he witnessed the murder of his mother, Rachel Nickell. Everyone who’s ever read about that awful case has wondered about the fate and wellbeing of Alex. Now, for the first time in public, he discusses what he’s been through. 

Preview copies weren’t available at the time of writing, but one assumes that Alex’s involvement in this programme speaks for itself. The synopsis suggests that it’s a sensitively‐handled endeavour. I hope so anyway, for the family’s sake. 

Alex and his father, Andre, reflect upon their lives in the everlasting wake of Rachel’s murder, while meeting up with some of the police officers and child psychiatrists who dealt with Alex at that time.

Our Lives: For Peat’s Sake ‐ Wednesday, BBC One, 7:30pm

A documentary with that punning title was always going to be made one day, but I’m glad this one stole the honour. It’s a charming excursion to the Isle of Lewis, in which the 80‐year‐old peat digger Domhnull Iain ‐ a delightful gent who could make the four‐minute‐warning sound like a source of comfort ‐ guides us through his daily activities. 

We also meet Margaret, who left her old life behind to accompany the reluctantly retirement‐bound Domhnull on this stunningly remote and tranquil terrain, plus a local radio DJ/farmer who provides the perfect country and western soundtrack. 

Like most of the epistles from this series, it’s a little window of calm.

Grenfell: The Untold Story ‐ Wednesday, Channel 4, 10pm

The Grenfell Tower fire was an appalling tragedy, a stark, shameful symbol of social inequality and neglect. This documentary honours its legacy via previously unseen footage collated by Grenfell’s artist in residence, Constantine Gras. 

Just a few years prior to the disaster, Gras embarked upon a project of vital importance. He chronicled the struggles of deeply concerned residents, all of whom were locked in an exasperating battle with the local authorities. The building was clearly unsafe, it was in dire need of refurbishment; but nothing was done. 72 people died when Grenfell Tower caught fire. 

The programme features contributions from some of those who survived. Their voices must be heard. This must never be forgotten.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Parkinson at 50 ‐ Saturday 28th August, BBC One

I’ve always had mixed feelings about Parky. He’s facilitated some memorable TV moments. He was, at his best, an undeniably skillful interviewer: ask a straightforward question, shut up and listen. Be he’s also an indefatigable curmudgeon. 

In this retrospective, which celebrated the 50^th anniversary of his chat show, he did ‐ to be fair ‐ admit that he sometimes came across as pompous. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to fully apologise for that excruciatingly sexist interview with Helen Mirren. It was considered dodgy at the time, Mike, the new‐fangled ‘woke’ police aren’t retroactively censoring you.

Anyway. His star‐spangled oeuvre was often brilliant. A greater legacy than I’ll ever have.

Vigil ‐ Sunday 29th August and Monday 30th August, BBC One

This new thriller is an unbidden gift from the producers of Line of Duty, so you know what to expect on a surface level: twists, conspiracies, and a high‐profile actor being killed off in episode one (TV’s Martin Compston in this case). But these tricks have grown tired. Vigil is a slog. 

Suranne Jones stars as a Glasgow‐based cop tasked with investigating the mysterious death of a Trident submarine crew member. She has just three days to crack this claustrophobic case.

For all its faults, Line of Duty was an audacious drama that tackled Big Themes in a vaguely subversive way. It was fun, exciting; silly in most of the right ways. This is a wholly uninvolving potboiler: Das Bore. Down periscope.  

 

I AM VICTORIA + WRITE AROUND THE WORLD WITH RICHARD E. GRANT + RIGHT HERE: THE BLACK VEIL

This article was originally published in The Courier on 31st July 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

I Am Victoria – Thursday, Channel 4, 9pm

Series two of this female-led anthology from writer/director Dominic Savage begins with an emotionally raw drama about the importance of seeking help when you need it most. 

Savage, much like Mike Leigh, favours a creative process whereby he collaborates closely with his actors; these characters and narratives are borne of carefully controlled improvisation. The star and co-creator of episode one is the brilliant Suranne Jones. 

She plays Victoria, a successful businesswoman with a supportive husband (Ashley Walters) and two beautiful children. But underneath that seemingly – and as it transpires, desperately – perfect façade, Victoria is struggling with her mental health. I Am Victoria is intense, riveting, sad yet hopeful. And Jones is quite extraordinary.

How Healthy is Your Gut? – Tuesday, Channel 4, 8pm

Bloating, flatulence, heartburn, diarrhoea: it is reported that over half of the UK’s population suffers from digestive problems. If you can – and I really am so sorry about this – stomach it, this frank documentary actually provides some useful advice about what we should do to boost our gut health and general quality of life. 

Your friendly host is Sabrina Grant, who enlists the help of six volunteers tasked with trying out various popular diets and treatments – including colonic hydrotherapy - to see if they have any significant effect. Perhaps inevitably, gastrointestinal cameras are involved. 

But the programme, to its credit, avoids the cheap and childish ‘tee-hee’ route. Digestive problems can be very embarrassing and, in some cases, seriously debilitating.

Country Life for Half the Price with Kate Humble – Tuesday, Channel 5, 8pm

According to this series, more and more people are fleeing the pressures of urban life for a different set of pressures in the countryside. 

This week, Humble meets a couple who have prepared for their move to South West Wales by rearing ducks and micro-pigs in their back garden in suburban Reading. They want to live somewhere with fewer people and with more space for themselves and their two young boys. 

Humble follows them – from a safe distance – as they begin their rural adventure during a year of lockdown. All those plans for opening a petting zoo and a crafts workshop have to be put on hold. But they do at least learn how to forage for stuff.

Our Family Farm Rescue with Adam Henson – Tuesday, Channel 5, 9pm

What is it with Channel 5 and farms? They’re obsessed. But if it stops them from making more malicious programmes about travellers and ‘benefit scroungers’, then I for one support their slide into bucolic monomania. 

In the latest episode of this vehicle for Countryfile alumnus Adam Henson, he meets more fellow farmers who have had to change the way they operate in order to survive. 

On the edge of Snowdonia National Park (see Epic Wales for its second starring role in this week’s schedules), a couple who run a traditional sheep and cattle farm are in serious financial trouble. So they’ve hatched a plan to branch out into the luxury glamping game. Cue the construction of a large geo-dome.

Write Around the World with Richard E. Grant – Tuesday, BBC Four, 9pm

In which that most actorly of actors dons a metaphorical panama hat while travelling around sunny mainland Europe in the footsteps of several notable authors. He wants to examine the ways in which they were inspired by various ancient cities of note. 

The series was presumably filmed two years ago, hence why Grant wanders around the busy streets of Naples without a care in the world. The man is positively rammed to the gills with joie de vivre. 

He goes off the beaten tourist track and marvels at the local culture in time-honoured travelogue style, but the programme does concede a few serious points about poverty and corruption. Authors under review include Charles Dickens, Elena Farrante and Elizabeth Gilbert.

Right Here: The Black Veil – Tuesday, BBC Scotland, 10:30pm

A new series of documentaries from emerging filmmakers, Right Here celebrates the diversity of life in modern Scotland. 

It begins with a sweet and tender profile of Bradley, a gender non-binary person preparing for their wedding to partner Emma. This will be the first time that some of their friends and family members will have seen Bradley presenting in female clothing. 

Bradley is also a member of The Order of Perpetual Indulgence, an LGBTQ+ protest group dedicated to “banishing stigma and spreading universal joy”. The film’s title refers to the highest ranking within the order, into which Bradley is about to be initiated. 

A thoughtful and articulate person, all Bradley wants is to be accepted for who they are.

Epic Wales: Valleys, Mountains & Coasts – Friday, Channel 4, 8pm

I’ve barely set foot outside my flat during the last eighteen months, and yet thanks to my dogged pursuit of writing about television, I feel like I’ve seen more of scenic Britain via travelogues than I ever did when life was relatively free and easy. That’s not right. 

This one features suitably awestruck narration from Cerys Matthews, who introduces us to “farmers and fishermen, artists and adventurers, nature savers and stargazers” based in Wales’ three National Parks. 

It’s a standard TV format, you know exactly what to expect, but it works. Programmes such as this depict Britain as a beauteous wonderland populated by nice, interesting people keeping simple traditions alive. They’re a much-needed source of fantasy respite.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Take Off with Bradley & Holly – Saturday 24th July, BBC One

This series was filmed just before the global lockdown. That’s why it happily sends contestants off on luxury foreign holidays. The winning destinations last week were Hollywood and Las Vegas, thus necessitating the presence of a studio-bound Elvis impersonator who looked more like Quentin Tarantino mimicking Neil Diamond. 

Hosts Bradley Walsh and Holly Willoughby are safe pairs of hands, each comfortable in their respective roles. He’s the cheeky chappie who ‘mucks about’, she’s the nice, friendly, daffy one. They’re an inoffensive double-act. 

The show itself is a hodgepodge of familiar Saturday night light entertainment formats – quizzes, pranks, feel-good human interest stories – indebted to the pioneering visions of Cilla Black and Noel Edmonds. I’ve seen worse.

Michael McIntyre’s The Wheel – Saturday 24th July, BBC One

The Saturday fun on BBC One continued with the return of this quiz in which the relentlessly buoyant McIntyre presides over a cabal of celebrities with specialist areas of expertise. 

They’re seated on the perimeter of a large roulette wheel. Members of the public are perched in the centre. The contestants field questions while hoping that the spinning wheel of fortune settles on a celeb who knows their onions. And that’s more or less it. 

The format is far too thin to sustain its 60-minute running time; thirty minutes would more than suffice. Put it this way, it’s no Danny Dyer’s The Wall. Coming soon: John Bishop’s The Rhomboid; Claudia Winkleman’s The Tankard; Ashley Banjo’s The Bath. You get the idea.

 

TV Review: SCOTT & BAILEY + BBC: THE SECRET FILES

This article was originally published in The Dundee Courier on 16th April 2016.

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/lifestyle

Scott & Bailey: Wednesday, STV

BBC: The Secret Files: Thursday, BBC Four

  

Thanks to the magnificent Happy Valley, writer/director Sally Wainwright is now rightfully recognised as one of Britain’s finest TV dramatists. As if to emphasise that point – and she’s earned the right – she returned last week with another series of her previous creation, Scott & Bailey, starring Lesley Sharp and Suranne as a pair of humane coppers.

Granted, she didn’t actually write this new mini-series – that honour went to Lee Warburton – but Scott & Bailey is distinctively hers; a female-fronted, northern cop show mired in plausible reality and unforced character detail.

From a distance it resembles a bog-standard police procedural – plods investigating nasty cases in dour weather – but on closer inspection it reveals itself as one of the genre’s leading lights.

Unlike most TV cops, the protagonists aren’t dysfunctional or quirky. They’re likeable, compassionate professionals with a dry sense of humour (some of Scott’s quips draw scripted attention to themselves, but I’ll magnanimously let that pass) and a warm, understated chemistry.

It also focuses on the interesting nuts and bolts of dogged police work, an aspect informed by the advisory involvement of former Detective Inspector Diane Taylor.

Bubbling under the surface of this latest case, in which they struggled to apprehend a serial killer who posts footage of his crimes on the darkest corners of the internet, was the story of two close friends who haven’t seen each other for a year. As always, the everyday trials of their private lives were as important as the case itself. This time we discovered that Bailey is pregnant. Meanwhile, Scott’s teenage daughter became embroiled in an underage sex investigation because of illicit selfies sent by her boyfriend.

It managed to explore these real-life issues without feeling too contrived or overcooked, so it’s a shame that the otherwise semi-naturalistic tone is completely at odds with an overbearing, needlessly dramatic incidental score. It’s not a documentary, it needs to meet the demands of an episodic hour of dynamic crime drama, but there’s no need to slather it in the soundtrack from a Yakuza-based B-movie.

That frustrating misgiving aside, this was a solid return from one of TV’s very best cop shows. Also, hats off to Warbuton for including jokey allusions to the original Pink Panther films and Hanna-Barbera’s animated Godzilla series from the 1970s. Yes, really.

Seeing as it must cost peanuts to produce, it’s hardly surprising that BBC Four opted to roll out a sequel to last year’s eye-opening traipse through the BBC’s vast archive of internal letters and memos between agents, executives and artists.

Once again presented by Penelope Keith, who I like to imagine living down there surrounded by cabinets and memorabilia, BBC: The Secret Files included some fascinating correspondence between the BBC’s notoriously dour founding father, Lord Reith, and his rival, Winston Churchill, plus an amused look at how the fusty old BBC dealt with the rise of rock and roll. This segment was worth it for the unique pleasure of hearing Keith say “1960s counterculture” in her cut-glass tones.

It also revealed that Morecambe & Wise’s producer initially felt that Eric would be better off without Ern, and that the redoubtable Barbara Wodehouse basically talked her way into a BBC contract following years of no-nonsense correspondence.

But my favourite moment was the revelation that a jazz song titled Where Is My Sunday Potato was once deemed “politically unsuitable” and banned. One can only wonder about its incendiary contents. 

TV Review: DOCTOR FOSTER and LADY CHATTERLEY'S LOVER

This article was originally published in The Dundee Courier on 12 September 2015.

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/lifestyle

Doctor Foster: Wednesday, BBC One

Lady Chatterley's Lover: Sunday, BBC One

An agonisingly slow and implausible confection, Doctor Foster is a rare misfire from Suranne Jones. This fine actress usually chooses her projects wisely, but she's hopelessly adrift in this bone-dry drama about a GP who begins to suspect that her husband, Simon, is having an affair.

The brunt of episode one – God only knows how they'll stretch this out to five hours – was preoccupied with Foster floundering in a mire of paranoid anxiety, after she discovered a stray blonde hair on Simon's scarf. Most people wouldn't regard this as incriminating evidence of extra-marital misdeeds, but for some inexplicable reason Foster leapt instantly to that conclusion.

We were initially given no evidence to suggest that Simon was the philandering type, so Foster's behaviour – checking his phone, following him from work and even asking a patient to spy on him in exchange for sleeping pills – felt borderline deranged.

The idea behind this was obvious. We were supposed to feel as panicked, confused and compelled as she was. But the conceit backfired. You simply can't relate to a protagonist whose actions don't ring true. The tension evaporates.

It didn't matter that she was eventually proved right – there would be no story otherwise - as by that point she'd been established as weirdly unsympathetic. Hats off, then, to writer Mike Bartlett for managing the seemingly impossible feat of penning a drama about infidelity in which the wronged spouse comes across as a tiresome nuisance. He also proved that it's possible to be terminally dull and absurdly melodramatic all at once. That's quite an achievement.

I get the point he's trying to make: Foster's problems drive her towards the kind of self-destructive irrationality that she warns her hypochondriac patients about. Even a respectable, sensible GP can exploit their privilege and unravel in times of personal crisis. Should we ever fully trust these supposed pillars of society?

There's a potentially interesting story to be told here, but Bartlett botches it by forcing Foster into increasingly unlikely corners. Even allowing for her rattled mental state, the scene in which she threatened a patient's abusive boyfriend was preposterous. Maddening and enervating, the Doctor Foster “experience” is like churning through a very boring fever dream.

Having never read DH Lawrence's infamous book, I couldn't tell you if Lady Chatterley's Lover was a faithful adaptation or not. However, I feel I can state with some confidence that, notwithstanding a strong, elegant performance from apple-cheeked Holliday Grainger as Lady C, it resembled a live-action Mills & Boon novella with delusions of grandeur.

Its central theme of scandalous love and lust across the class divide in Edwardian England was blatantly present and correct. Subtlety wasn't invited to this particular party. Yet at no point did the rebellious relationship between the sexually frustrated Chatterley and chippy gamekeeper Mellors feel remotely organic or convincing.

As played by a bemused-looking Richard Madden, Mellors came across as a stridently humourless northern stereotype whose thrusting nipples strived in vain to compensate for a total lack of charisma.

I kept thinking how much more effective this production might have been with, say, Poldark's Aidan Turner filling Mellor's britches. The role as written was rather thankless, so Madden wasn't entirely to blame. But an actor of Turner's smouldering calibre could, perhaps, have made it work.

As it stood, this po-faced, inadvertently comical drama was, for a supposedly erotic drama, curiously cold and neutered. I know enough about the novel to appreciate its purpose as a transgressive, challenging work of art. Shorn of its deliberate shock value - sex and profanity were thin on the ground here - it seemed pointless.

It's the first offering from BBC One's new Sunday night slate of classic 20^th century literary adaptations. Things can only get better from here, right?