THE RESPONDER + THE NILSEN FILES + I, SNIPER: THE WASHINGTON KILLERS

This article was originally published in The Courier on 22nd January 2022.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

The Responder – Monday and Tuesday, BBC One, 9pm

Martin Freeman delivers a career-best performance in this queasy drama about an urgent response police officer struggling with mental health issues. 

Desperately overworked, he’s had enough. His beat on the mean streets of Liverpool feels futile. “I want to be normal,” he sighs to his therapist. But he’s somehow in the pocket of a local drug dealer (Ian Hart), and hopelessly trapped in a nocturnal odyssey of violence and death. 

Despite that sombre premise, The Responder is liberally peppered with amusing gallows humour: an existential howl of nervous laughter.

Written by former policeman Tony Schumacher, it’s unsentimental yet compassionate in the Jimmy McGovern vein. It feels painfully authentic, so much so that it won’t go down well in police recruitment circles.

Bradley & Barney Walsh: Breaking Dad – Monday, STV, 8pm

I like Bradley Walsh, but he is now officially the most ubiquitous man on television. It’s ridiculous, he’ll probably be presenting Newsnight next. 

But I can’t deny the simple pleasures of this series, in which Walsh and his affable son roam the globe in their massive RV. This week they’re in Hungary. Naturally, Walsh does the “no thanks, I’ve had breakfast” dad joke; it would be disappointing if he didn’t. 

Highlights include a visit to a museum dedicated to one of Hungary’s most famous sons, Harry Houdini. Walsh actually re-enacts the great escapologist’s straitjacket stunt, which involves him hanging upside down from a slowly burning rope, 150 feet above the ground. I kid you not.

The Nilsen Files – Monday, BBC Two, 9pm

In 1983, after dismembered human remains were discovered in his flat, the serial killer Dennis Nilsen confessed to claiming the lives of up to 16 young men. This sensitively handled series gives voice to his victims and their families. 

A stark document of early 1980s Britain, it reveals how those men weren’t just victims of Nilsen, but also of mass unemployment, rising homelessness, police indifference and systemic homophobia. They fell through the cracks of a society which, according to Thatcher, didn’t exist. 

Bolstered by impressive research, the programme features contributions from police officers, journalists and a homelessness outreach worker (pictured) who knew one of the victims. Her kindness stands in sharp contrast to the shocking attitudes we encounter elsewhere.

I, Sniper: The Washington Killers – Monday, Channel 4, 10pm

Twenty years ago, a random spate of sniper attacks occurred in the Washington D.C area. Ten people were killed and three were critically injured. The perpetrators were Lee Malvo, who was seventeen at the time, and US Army veteran John Muhammad. 

This grimly absorbing series attempts to explain what motived them to commit such a heinous crime. Not that their motivations will ever make any kind of rational sense, but episode one presents Muhammad as a charismatic yet deeply disturbed individual who seemingly radicalised his vulnerable surrogate son. 

Audio recordings of Malvo being interviewed in prison offer some disquieting insight into his psyche. Other interviewees include two of Malvo’s relatives and some of the victims’ devastated family members.

Jay Blades: Learning to Read at 51 – Wednesday, BBC One, 9pm

Jay Blades, the genial presenter of TV favourite The Repair Shop, left school without any qualifications. He’s been told by experts that he has the reading age of an 11-year-old. 

In this programme, he endeavours to improve his literacy skills with assistance from a charity who offer one-to-one coaching. 

Preview copies weren’t available in time, but this sounds like a worthwhile piece of television. It is reported that over eight million adults in the UK, including half of all prisoners, struggle with their reading. 

Blades meets up with people who share his difficulties, while revealing how he runs a successful upholstery business and presents television programmes without any recourse to the written word.

Katie Price’s Mucky Mansion – Wednesday, Channel 4, 9pm

Time now to follow Katie Price as she renovates her dilapidated 19-room mansion in the Sussex countryside. Price has abandoned it, hence why it’s fallen into such a severe state of uninhabitable disrepair. The interior resembles the aftermath of a furious showdown between the Hulk and at least five werewolves. 

“I’d probably be better off knocking it down and starting again,” she sighs. Or making a television series about doing it up. There are always options. 

Renovating the mansion is, according to Price, a psychological process. Its sorry state is a symbolic manifestation of her turbulent private life. That’s the framing device anyway. I wish her nothing but the best, but this is hardly riveting television.

The Mind of Herbert Clunkerdunk – Wednesday, BBC Two, 10pm

Surreal comedy is a difficult art to pull off. For every successful example such as Monty Python or Vic & Bob, there are a million pretenders who mistakenly think that throwing a load of ‘random’ ideas at the wall will suffice. 

Enter comedian Spencer Jones and his zany alter ego, Herbert Clunkerdunk. Spending time in his mind is like being trapped at an office joker’s power-point presentation. A relentless torrent of self-conscious whimsy and weirdness, it’s utterly exhausting. 

I admire the intent, at least he’s attempting to do something a bit different and unpredictable. He tries very, very hard to please. And that’s the problem, his eccentricity never feels organic. There’s nowt much worse than forced nonsense.

LAST WEEK’S TV

Sue Perkins’ Big American Road Trip – Sunday 16th, Channel 4

You’d be forgiven for sighing at the prospect of yet another famous person enjoying a scenic journey in a campervan, but this new series is actually quite interesting. 

It spotlights a growing subculture of Americans who have swapped their houses for motorhomes. They’ve opted for a life of glorious freedom (while posting about it on social media). 

Perkins’ journey began in California, where she met a young van-lifer who earns a living from vlogging, and a genial hippie Santa who heads an enormous grassroots movement of people who’ve found salvation in this alternative lifestyle. It was quietly inspiring. 

Also, Perkins is a funny and personable traveller who’s interested in finding out about people. A good-natured vehicle.

Dragons’ Den – Thursday 20th January, BBC One

In the latest instalment of this never-ending entrepreneurial fever dream, we met a couple dressed as boy scouts (always enter the Den with a strong visual gimmick). They pitched an idea for the UK’s first summer camp for adults. Alas, the Dragons weren’t impressed by their shaky business plan, so that wacky game of dress-up was pointless. 

Other pitches included a vegan handbag range. The novel twist? Each bag contains some erotic fiction written by the entrepreneurs themselves. They failed to secure an investment.

Believe it or not, Dragons’ Den has actually become a little bit ‘nicer’ of late, possibly because viewers have tired of watching members of the public being belittled by millionaires. I live in hope.

 

 

DON'T EXCLUDE ME + 28 UP: MILLENNIUM GENERATION + HITMEN RELOADED

This article was originally published in The Courier on 25th September 2021.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

Don’t Exclude Me – Thursday, BBC Two, 9pm

The rate of school exclusions in Britain for five to six-year-olds has doubled in the last three years. This sensitive new series visits a primary school which, like so many schools, struggles to cope with the extreme behaviours of certain pupils. 

Enter the aptly-named behavioural expert Marie Gentles, who has spent the last ten years working with excluded children. She gradually forms close professional relationships with the kids, their parents and teachers, in the hope of making life better for all concerned. 

The children she meets come across as bright and sensitive, but they’re prone to sudden angry outbursts; no one so far has been able to explain why. Gentles, a beacon of kindness, works realistic wonders.

The Goes Wrong Show – Monday, BBC One, 8:30pm

The Mischief Theatre company are renowned for their knockabout send-ups of incompetent amateur dramatic productions. I’m reliably informed that their live shows are great fun, but my only exposure to them has been via these middling TV adaptations. Something has presumably been lost in translation. 

It strikes me as a purely theatrical conceit, ill-suited to the necessary constraints of being filmed in a television studio. The blatantly tweaked audience laughter track doesn’t help. 

I don’t want to be too down on this utterly harmless show, it’s an agreeable enough piece of family entertainment written and performed by a capable cast. Unfortunately, for me, the joke wears thin in this context. It’s like an overextended Crackerjack sketch. Great. I feel terrible now.

24 Hours in Police Custody – Monday, Channel 4, 9pm

Please take heed: this is a particularly gruelling episode of a series that’s seldom upbeat at the best of times. It chronicles the case of a man who, in broad daylight, invaded a house and brutally assaulted the inhabitants: a woman, her daughter and teenage grandniece. 

The police captured a clear image of the attacker on CCTV: a brothel owner and human trafficker with a string of GBH offences. They also had his fingerprints. Unfortunately, the investigation was placed in jeopardy when an understandably angry and entirely well-meaning family member shared the CCTV footage on social media. He also offered a £20,000 ransom award. Naturally, the attacker fled the country. 

An uncomfortable hour of television. Don’t have nightmares.

28 Up: Millennium Generation – Wednesday, BBC One, 9pm

A 21^st century spin-off from Michael Apted’s seminal 7 Up project, this valuable social document has now reached its fourth chapter. 

You know the premise: British kids from various walks of life are filmed at seven-year intervals; an anthropological study that tells us something about the ways in which society has changed during their lifetimes. 

Episode one catches up with Sanchez, who is now a Black Lives Matter campaigner and a DJ for BBC Leeds. We also reconvene with Gemma, a disabled woman who works with children from disadvantaged backgrounds, and Courtney, a trainee teacher devoted to pupils with additional needs. 

Call me a pie-eyed optimist if you will, but this generation provides some hope for the future.

Hollington Drive – Wednesday, STV, 9pm

Set in an idyllic suburb where most of the dwellings look like luxury show homes, this psychological thriller stars Anna Maxwell Martin and Rachael Stirling as sisters with a tense, brittle relationship. 

When a 10-year-old boy goes missing from the neighbourhood, Theresa (Maxwell Martin, excellent as always) begins to suspect that her son might be involved. This is one of those chilly dramas in which no one really seems to like each other. That constant buzz of passive-aggression is quite exhausting. 

Despite the sombre subject matter and gradual drip-feed of murky secrets, it’s curiously opaque and uninvolving. Imagine an unusually depressing episode of Knot’s Landing, then decide if that’s something you want to watch.

Hitmen Reloaded – Sky Showcase, 9pm

The cuddly comedy duo of Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins playing killers-for-hire is a daft, intriguing premise, and it was exploited to reasonable effect in series one of this sitcom. Now they’re back for another run. 

A black farce with a dash of warmth, it posits Mel and Sue as assassins who treat their job as exactly that: a workaday way of paying the bills while dealing with far bigger problems in their personal lives. 

Mel and Sue are a likeable team who’ve developed a natural chemistry after years of working together. They convince as daffy old middle-aged pals, because that’s what they are. And Sue is a surprisingly effective kick-ass action hero.

Richard Osman’s House of Games Night – Friday, BBC One, 8:30pm

An early evening cult hit of sorts on BBC Two for the last few years, Richard Osman’s House of Games is an inoffensive fancy in which celebrities compete via ‘esoteric’ trivia rounds. Last year during lockdown it filled an emergency gap on BBC One, which was presumably successful enough to warrant another series. 

So here he is, the enormous funster, presiding over the likes of Dara O’ Briain and Sian ‘Car Share’ Gibson as they attempt to answer questions about the unrelated provenance of test tube babies and the Teletubbies. 

It is what it is: a cheap, cheerful Friday night parlour game wreathed in whimsy. And well done to those of you at home who get the right answers.

LAST WEEK’S TV

When Nirvana Came to Britain – Saturday 18th September, BBC Two

We all know the story of how Nirvana, three nerdy punks from Seattle, became the world’s biggest band in the early 1990s. A brief freak triumph; an almost accidental assault on mainstream culture which ended in tragedy. 

But this decent little documentary reminded me that Nirvana were just a bunch of goofy, sensitive, talented kids who struck a nerve. They weren’t revolutionaries on a firebrand mission, they were ordinary human beings who made fellow outsiders feel better about themselves. 

Throughout the programme, surviving members Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic reflected fondly upon that period just before they became superstars: when they could still play impromptu acoustic sets in Edinburgh pubs. It was all rather sad and sweet.

Last Man Standing: Suge Knight and the Murders of Biggie and Tupac – Sunday 19th September, BBC Two

Presumably quite by accident, BBC Two continued its weekend theme of ‘90s pop tragedies with Nick Broomfield’s absorbing sequel to his 2002 film Biggie & Tupac. 

Suge Knight, the co-founder of Death Row records, has always been a chief suspect in the murders of rap stars Biggie Smalls and Tupac Shakur. He’s currently serving time for manslaughter, hence why Broomfield felt that his associates would be more willing to talk about him. And they were, to a cautious extent. Knight, a sadistic gangster, still has people on the outside. 

Broomfield’s main point was this: the LAPD is massively corrupt, they can’t be trusted. And Knight is an awful man. A sordid, angering saga.

 

 

 

 

SUE PERKINS: ALONG THE US-MEXICO BORDER + THE BLACK FULL MONTY

This article was originally published in The Courier on 5th September 2020.

NEXT WEEK’S TV

SUE PERKINS: ALONG THE US-MEXICO BORDER

Monday and Tuesday, BBC One, 9pm

If we must have celeb-fronted travelogues, then I’d rather they were hosted by the likes of Perkins. She’s likeable, witty, compassionate, and always engages sincerely with the issues at hand. In this two-part report she visits the world’s most contentious border. Interviewees include Mexicans who can only touch flesh with their displaced loved ones through tiny holes in The Wall. Perkins also meets wealthy white Americans living the retirement dream; undocumented migrants who couldn’t care less about their hypocrisy. This is both a celebration of Mexican culture and, by direct extension, a condemnation of the Trump regime’s racist narrative. “The more we shut doors,” says Perkins, visibly angry, “the more we shut doors on our own humanity.”

DOG TALES: THE MAKING OF MAN’S BEST FRIEND

Tuesday, BBC Four, 9pm

Dogs: what’s their agenda? How did these once wild creatures evolve into loyal and loving domesticated pets? This illuminating programme provides some answers. In an effort to solve the puzzle of domestication, leading canine scientists conduct ground-breaking experiments involving genetic data and behavioural selection. Most experts agree that dogs first became domesticated around 15,000 years ago, the direct descendants of wolves who chose to become friendly with humans as a survival mechanism. We also gain some remarkable insight into the power of that special emotional bond between people and their pets by visiting a U.S. penitentiary, where specially-trained dogs are used as part of a programme to transform the behaviour of hardened criminals. It seems to work.

CAN WE CURE KIDS’ CANCER?

Wednesday, Channel 4, 10pm

A pioneer in its field, the Royal Marsden Hospital has been treating children with cancer for over 60 years. It runs the largest programme of experimental drug trials for young cancer patients in the UK. In this candid programme, we follow hospital staff and three families as they go through the long, arduous treatment process. Three-year-old Charlotte has a very rare form of cancer. She is one of the first children in the UK to receive a new life-saving drug. Teenager Lilly is being treated with a combination of chemotherapy and immunotherapy. Toddler Artemis requires a stem-cell transplant. This isn’t an easy watch. Prepare for uplifting moments punctured by cruel shards of reality.

THE BLACK FULL MONTY

Thursday, Channel 4, 10pm

The Chocolate Men are Britain’s only all-male black strip group. These generously-proportioned dancers put on a tactile show; it’s literally in your face. They present a fantasy version of black male sexuality, which has led to accusations of profiting from the perpetration of racial stereotypes. They flatly deny this, arguing that it’s honest graft. This non-judgemental documentary follows them on a successful nationwide tour. One of the dancers, Nigerian-born Django, named himself after the Tarantino film in which a slave becomes an emancipated hero. “We’re the bottom of the food chain,” he says. “This is me taking my power back.” Unfortunately, his good intentions are undermined when he gets carried away during a performance. Disaster looms.

LAST WEEK’S TV

WHEN BOB MARLEY CAME TO BRITAIN

Saturday 29th August, BBC Two

Bob Marley regarded Britain as his second home. It was the springboard for his international career. This tender documentary featured contributions from some of the black Brits whose lives were touched by his positive, almost messianic presence. He provided hope. The undoubted highlight was a charming account of when he and Johnny Nash played a secret afternoon acoustic gig for some astonished Peckham schoolkids. They hung around afterwards for a kickabout in the playground.

DIRTY SECRETS OF BRITAIN’S TAKEAWAYS

Monday 31st August, Channel 4

In this emetic series, “hard-man of hygiene” Gareth Jones (in reality a softly-spoken Welshman) and restaurateur April Jackson join environmental health officers in their fight against unhygienic takeaway outlets. Call me a naively empathetic clod if you will, but I actually felt quite sorry for the businesses whose reputations were ruined. Sure, their hygiene standards were appalling, but who’s to say they wouldn’t have improved following this public inspection? Think on.

CALL THE COPS

Tuesday 1st September, Channel 4

This sobering series is of more social value than most frontline police documentaries. Episode one featured a young man caught in a hopeless spiral of self-destruction, and 29 terrified, starving Vietnamese men and women being trafficked in the back of a van. What they’d been through is unimaginable. Meanwhile, Farage is out there on the beaches with his binoculars, munching pasties and squealing to teacher.